Hello. I've been reading this forum for a week or two and finally decided to register.

I'm a 43 yo stay-at-home mom. I live in Arkansas. I have found that I am unique among most women I know, in that I had my children so young (20 is not that young in terms of childbearing), that I am now entering that sandwich generation as a younger mom. None of my friends are, yet, even the ones who are much older and have much younger kids.

My eldest child is 23 and serving in Iraq (holding my breath until he returns in December!). His wife gave birth this year to my first grandchild.

My middle child is 20 and out on his own, living with his girlfriend.

My youngest child is 12 and he's still home with me. We live an unschooling lifestyle (honest, open-minded inquiries are much appreciated--flamers will be ignored) and we have a very fun and active life.

We (husband, son and I) recently moved to be nearer my parents, who are divorced, but live in the same area. My dad has needed some help with some injuries, but he's still very active. My mother and I have issues, but her health could be better, so I'm anticipating more of her care for me in the future (not to borrow trouble).

Because I'm in between in many ways, many of my friends just can't relate. Because of unschooling, I associate with lots of women with younger children, but not many who are near-empty nest. All too soon my unschooled child will be on his own, as well, so I am looking forward to the independence that the end of childrearing brings. What I'm going to do with my time, how I'm going to work the grandchild into my life, the travel and learning that I've always done.

Very few women around me in the same situation. So, I'm glad to have found this board...maybe at least I can have online conversations that don't include potty-training or learning to share!

What really got me searching for more online support was recent happenings with my daughter-in-law. I have found being a mother-in-law is one of the most maligned roles a woman plays, and it's not ALWAYS her fault. I'm not innocent, but am unintentioned and I'm willing to learn. Unfortunately, most of the rest of the world is so down on the mil cliche, I have had a hard time of it. I'm hoping to be one little light of MIL happiness, and that's one reason I'm here.

So, happy day to all. Looking forward to reading more.

NMY

NMY,

WELCOME! I am soooo excited that there is another "schooling mom" on the forum.

We are "relaxed" homeschoolers (Dr.Raymond Moore)...I would loooove to pick your brain about some things!

I have a 16 yr old daughter who plans on flying the coup next summer (and I'm just hoping she changes her mind)...and a 14 yr old son who has severe dislexia. (their mama can't spell a lick!) If I could go back and do it differently - I would have made sure things were told to him in a different way. Knowing he is dislexic - he tells himself he is stupid (because actually he is VERY bright, but struggles with "traditional learning").

What branch of service is your son in?

Anywho, welcome. Your situation does seem unique! Looking forward to finding out more about you!

Danita

Are home schooling and un-schooling the same thing?

Not Much,

Hello, I am fairly new also, 57, married, and an empty nester. Three sons, 36-divorced-single, 30-married, and 24-this mo 25-married. The oldest has a daughter 17, son 16 and younger son 14. The middle son has a 4 yr old son. The youngest son has a 5yr old son-hers-but he IS ours now and a 21 mo old son.

So that is 3 sons, 5 grandsons and 1 granddaughter. LOL

My D'sIL are totally different! My 30 yr olds wife, just doesn't like me much, no matter how hard I try. We only see them once a yr, so it isn't like I wear out my welcome or something. She hardly will talk to me at all, and she is NOT shy! After 5 yrs, I have decided I love how she loves my son and grandson and treats them, and I think she respects how I love my son and grandson! I think that is as good as I am going to get! My 24 yr olds wife, I want to adopt, but her parents wont let me. LOL She is warm and inviting and so lovely. She is precious to me! We are so close. I think it is just different pesonality types and that is all.

I still have a fairly good relationship with my ex-DIL. She respects us and knows how much we love the our 3 oldest grandchildren. We can't really be friends, because my loyalty has to lie with my son, and they have just started to get along after 10 yrs of divorcee, but she understands this and is not resentful towards us. My husband and I have even spent 2 Christmas's with her and her husband now and the grand kids and spent the nights with them that we were there.

Being a MIL is tricky, because you are dealing with another individual that has choice to accept you or not! I have learned to be as nice as I can, but not let it bother me that the one DIL just doesn't care to get close to me. My son and she have a wonderful marriage, my son & grandson are still close to me, and that is what counts!

WELCOME! I think you will really enjoy the women here. They are great! I think you will find a discussion about MIL on the forum under life or something such. See you around!

NMY,
Welcome! We're an unschooler family too.(Dreamer--our definition of it is that unschoolers are homeschoolers but we didn't follow any curriculum or do any at home classes or assignments. And each kid drove the direction of what they wanted to learn.) We are empty-nesters; our kids are now 25 and 19 and both are in college. I don't think you ever stop thinking of yourself as an unschooler family even when the kids are gone. We all loved unschooling and it worked really well for us. Have you read or heard of the book: "The Teenage Liberation Handbook" by Grace Llewellyn? That was a great source of inspiration for us and both our son and daughter attended Grace's Not-Back-To-School Camp several times. The 25 year old went to the very first camp 10 years ago and both of them still have many friends from all over the country and Canada that they've travelled to see and that have visited them over the years. For the millenium new year we had 15 of them staying with us in our little house for a week and a half long party--and they were the most amazing kids. I sold an article about it to Home Education Magazine.
Have you unschooled your son from the beginning? How about your older kids? Glad you're here.

Dream of the Circle of Women
by Dahti Blanchard
published May 2004 by Spilled Candy Books
visit: www.dahtiblanchard.com

Dahti, I have The Teenage Liberation Handbook, it's great!
I guess you could say I unschooled one of my kids during his 7th. year. I started out with my own curriculum,but then gave u because my son didn't want to school at home, either. So he spent the yaer learning how to cook, bake, do laundry, shop, etc. I was so worried that I messed him up and made him "lose" a whoel year. When I signed him up for school in the 8th. grade, I was told I did a great job with him and that he learned so much at home!

WB,
I think we always worry for a while that we've messed our kids up when we do something untraditional. I was amazed at how much my kids learned and how much they loved learning when it wasn't a chore. And, like many, many homeschoolers/unschoolers, they were ahead of the game when they decided to go to college. They had no problem getting into the colleges they wanted and haven't had any trouble adjusting and getting good grades.
Which edition of the Teenage Liberation Handbook do you have? The first one has a big section on a family we know from the town we live in. In the revised edition the author asked some of the kids she knew who had strong feelings about unschooling to write little sections. My son has two entries in it which he wrote when he was 16 or 17.
How old is your son now?

Dream of the Circle of Women
by Dahti Blanchard
published May 2004 by Spilled Candy Books
visit: www.dahtiblanchard.com

I've never heard of unschooling. I'd be interested in hearing more about it.
Does it mean you are un-teaching things they've learned that you prefer they hadn't or do you mean they just don't take any lessons from books?

How do they attend college if they don't have paperwork from a school?

Nuh-uh! Another unschooler? Wow. Whoda' thought!?

I took my middle child out of school in 6th grade. My youngest has never been to school.

I have recommended that book many times. My copy got ruined in a flooded bathroom, though, and I never replaced it.

I'll bet your 19 yo knows Roya Sorooshian. Her mother and I are friends. I've probably read your article, too. It's soo cool to bump into other unschoolers!

Thanks for the warm welcome.

NMY

Dahti, I'll have to get back to you on what edition of the book I have. I can't get my hands on it right now.

What do you ladies like about that book? I have seen it listed on websites, and wondered about it. Is it too late for my 16 yr old to read?

danita

NMY--They both know Roya! What a small world. Summer before last my then 17 year old decided to have a tongue-in-cheek debutante ball and Roya came for it and stayed at our place along with several other unschoolers.
TVC--For us unschooling means it was self-directed. No curriculum and we didn't set up school at home. We did help get them anywhere they needed to go and joined in on being obsessed with particular subjects. We did make transcripts of what they did and the colleges used those. Generally unschoolers tend to spend many more hours on subjects than kids in regular school, but it's because they want to learn those things and we didn't do it in a conventional way. They also took the SATs and did very well which is something colleges want also.
Danita--The book was an eye-opener for helping kids and families think creatively about learning. It was controversial (and I guess still is) because it says you can quit school and get a good education. And it's really talking directly to teens. Some parents didn't like it, but we thought it was wonderful. If it's something you're interested in then it's certainly not too late for a sixteen year old. The camp the author, Grace Llewellyn, started is still going and really created a community of amazing, wonderful unschoolers from all over. My son's girlfriend went to the camp with him and some of their roomates did also. They've stayed connected and have many good friends from going to camp 10 years ago.
I'm not one of those parents sho think everyone should homeschool/unschool. I think, like in everything, different things work for different people. But I'm really happy that we did it that way and so are our kids. And it worked out well for them. Our son worked for a software company in Seattle for a year and a half before deciding to go to college and now he's in his senior year majoring in bio-chemistry and working in genetics. His girlfriend is a marine-biologist and our daughter is an English literature major who's working on her second novel and plans on getting a Master of Library Science.

Dream of the Circle of Women
by Dahti Blanchard
published May 2004 by Spilled Candy Books
visit: www.dahtiblanchard.com

I am going to start a topic under children called home schooling. Okay...so you can all jump in there.

Thanks Dots!

d.

Hi NMY. I can relate to being out of the social loop. I am 46 and my kids are 27 and 25. Most of my friends have small children and I have been there done that. I recently went to a child's birthday party and the oldest was 8. Needless to say I did not bring my children to the party. LOL

Hey there, Jersey Girl,

Okay, so I stole that bit from 'Georgy Girl' but I think it's cute.

I adore NJ, lived there for 15 years, met my present husband and soul mate there and escaped the rat race of living in Manhattan by moving to gorgeous Bergen County. I'd love to know what part of New Jersey you are doing your home schooling in.

Welcome to the Group!

Erica

Dahti, I just read your son's entries in the book! How neat!
You asked how old my son is that I "unschooled". It's actually his birthday today - he's 18!!

Happy Birthday to your son and to you WB! My kids try to remind me that I have my own birthday but I maintain they and I did pretty much all the work at their births so I share the day with them.

Dream of the Circle of Women
by Dahti Blanchard
published May 2004 by Spilled Candy Books
visit: www.dahtiblanchard.com

That's neat, Dahti. I never heard anyone put it that way before.

Dahti,

did you get my PM?

danita

Danita,
I did. You have one waiting for you.
Dahti

Dream of the Circle of Women
by Dahti Blanchard
published May 2004 by Spilled Candy Books
visit: www.dahtiblanchard.com