Hi Ladies,
I just read about this website in AARP magazine and couldn't wait to log on...I have been married for 30 years to the love of my life and have raised 4 wonderful children...the problem is that the baby just turned 21 and I think I am now walking around in shock...I was so busy and so caught up in raising my family that now I am feeling like a ship at sea with no sail and no rudder...I am not sure what I should do next...I keep thinking that I should be "doing" something important...my husband tells me to "relax and just enjoy doing nothing" but quite honestly it's driving me insane...I still do volunteer work at the hospital and at my church...but nothing feels fulfilling to me now...
have you ladies been thru this empty nest thing yet? Does it get easier ? Or is this all there is?? I have read a few posts...you all sound like a lovely bunch...looking forward to making some new friends...

Thanks, Nancy

Nancy........welcome to a wonderful site! You will find many ladies that have gone thru or are going thru the Empty Nest Syndrome.
I hate to admit it, but I didn't go thru it.
I was so happy to see my daughters out on their own. I was, and still am very proud of them.
They moved away from here(Olympia, WA) and then came back. So maybe that's why I didn't go thru the ENS.
I know there will be many other women on here to help you thru it.
You've found the right place.
Lynne

I am counting the days till my kids are out on their own...by the time the last one is old enough, I'll be in my early to mid 60's. My nest has been full for 24+ years already...
Bring it on!!

Thanks for the Welcome Lynne, I live in the Philadelphia PA area and my oldest daughter Mandy lives in Anacortes WA...out near you..it's really beautiful country out there but it's way too far away from me on the East Coast..I miss her every day...her Hubby is in the Navy so she didn't have much say about where she would be located...you are very lucky that your girls all came back to you...Just proves how important you are in their lives...Maybe I'll be that lucky some day too...
Talk to you soon, Nancy

I hope that didn't sound unsympathetic to all of you who are upset about this time in your lives.

Nancy,
My youngest (of 4) is practically 21 -- they've all flown the coup, and two went out west. One is in school up there in Philly! I myself went back to school a few years ago and am now working in a job that I adore, with interesting people and a lot of challenges, so have a new life with new interests. I don't have time to miss my kids, though I truly do miss them whenever I stop to think about it. Also, I can talk with my kids about office sorts of things -- we're experiencing similar things some of the time. I also can't stand to do nothing.

Hi Nancy....You descriped the feeling well. I remember thinking 'oh to have some time and space of my own', and then when it happened, i felt lonely and lost. But those feelings passed, and then, because some of us were used to thinking if something is too enjoyable, lord it's gotta be wrong, i started to feel guilty. (but that passed too). Have a sweet day Nancy...

Western

Enjoy yourself woman - when it all happens - you will have deserved every last moment of peace....
and don't apologise, who among us has done what you have done? I salute your longevity and perseverence! And by the time they all leave, you'll have that many more back in the way of grandchildren - so if you get any time - take it!

God love ya' girl

Search

Nancy,
Yup...Anacortes is up the way from me. It's beautiful here in the Pacific Northwest.
Western Bluebird,
I was married at 18, and both my girls were on their own by the time I was 40.
No, you were not being unsympathetic as far as I'm concerned.
I worked, was room mom, 4-H leader, fastpitch coach, soccer coach, and many other things for my girls, and when they left the nest, I gave a big sigh, and said, "Now it's my turn."
And yes, I'm so glad they decided to come back to the nest.
They both live in the same developement. Sure makes it nice for me.
'Nough said.......Goodnite all
Lynne

Thanks girls for all of the empathy...I have really been afraid to say any of this out loud...my friends kept telling me how great I would feel when my kids all left..but guess what...it doesn't feel very good yet...I miss having them here, laughing and talking and I really miss all of the hugs and kisses..but maybe it will grow on me...DJ..Where in Philly does your child go to school? My Youngest is a Junior at St. Joe's...talk to you all soon, Nancy

Hi Avalon,Well dear come join the gang I've only been here since Sunday too but I've had some great help.I know how your feeling I'm in the same boat but this site is great and I've posted with some really great gals and that does help.I'm not too good for advise yet as I'm still hasselling with this void to but know your not alone and keep busy thats what is really helping me at the moment.Take care,shana

P.S. they say it gets better I believe them lol

Hi Shana...Thanks for the message..I am excited to be talking to someone living in another country...but I am sorry to hear that you are missing your children too...I love having a whole network of ladies to talk to who all seem to feel the things that I am feeling...it makes me feel less lonely..I'll make a deal with you..I'll believe that it all gets better if you will...Have a happy day, Nancy

Hi Nancy and welcome. Mine are all gone now and to add to it, my husband works in another state. I was bored and lonely at first but I try to start new projects or learn something new to keep me occupied. Girlfriends help too. It does get better!

Nancy, I am a few years away from my nest being empty, but I can empathize. My middle turned 21 and my youngest turned 12 this past weekend. I liked being with my kids. I didn't even send them to school!

Even though I have a few years, I am looking forward to what I'm going to do with my time. I plan on having a career of sorts, and working that around the grandchildren (1 so far). I'll only be 50 when my youngest is 18. My grandmother turns 100 tomorrow, so I figure I've got lots of time to do what I want to do.

OTOH, I don't think it's healthy to just ignore all those empty nest feelings. It's a major transition. It's a huge change of life, a new era beginning for you. Take the time to process the feelings. I myself would be tempted to stop everything else I'm doing for a time and just feel them. Take a vacation with my husband...that's what I'm planning to do first when the nest is empty. We can process it together.

Then I think I will be making a clean break from a lot of stuff that I only did because I had kids. I plan on reevaluating everything to see what value it adds to MY life and only do the things I WANT to do. Empty nest would be a good time for that, eh?

I've found myself making these reevaluations at certain times when my older two reached stage-of-life things. My eldest got married and I reevaluated--I had a new role, right? Then they gave birth and a new role for me happened again. My middle moved out (and now he's back for a while). Major changes all of them, and they require processing and reevaluation and introspection.

It does get better, because life goes on no matter what. They're not dead, they're just away, and we have email and digital cameras and the old fashioned telephone. If you cling to them, you will push them away. So make yourself interesting for your own sake, and that will naturally attract them back to you. Your relationship will be better that way. Treat them as you would adult friends, because that's what they are.

NMY

Great insight NMY!

I love the "they aren't dead, just away", and "treat them like other adult friends".

I'm with you.

I'm about 3 years away from having an empty nest, and I'm ready. Building my business has given me something to look forward to.

The interesting thing, is that my children resent my business to some extent. For YEARS my primary focus has been them, and now that I have something else vying for my attention...they aren't happy about it.

Now keep in mind that I am HOME with my children 24/7 (I homeschool)...so IT IS A MUST, that I have something for myself.

danita

I am half way to ENS and waiting for the last kid to go. She is 25 and shows no signs of leaving. LOL.

So much insight. You better believe I'll be reading this thread come September, 2006. I have a college junior and two high school seniors.

I'm already praying for balance next fall. I know I'll miss the heck out of them because I have been a SAHM all these years and my life revolves around them. Even now while working full time on BWS and NABBW. If one of my kids, or hubby come through the door I drop EVERYTHING if they need me. I can't help it. I've done it for so long. I work around their schedules. Work a few hours, take one to lunch, drive them to the mall, work a few more hours, run to the orthodontist, work, iron a work shirt, work, feed them and their friends, work, get the picture?

For all those suffering from empty nest, think of this as your time. Do what you want. Investigate new interests, perhaps ones you've been putting aside for years. Reach out like you are doing on this site. Everything is better when shared with a friend. And I have found that when I have courage to share honest feelings with other women, I quickly learn their honest feelings which are often very similar. Just that alone heals.

I was still working full time when my last one left the nest. Hubby and I were looking forward to some alone time, then he was diagnosed with cancer. Needless to say, it changed our perspective on everything.

I think everyone worries about how they will feel when their last child leaves the nest. I can honestly say, now that all the illnesses are behind us, that Chuck and I love ours. The kids are happy to visit, we love to have them and everyone is happy when they go back to their own lives. It's the best of all possible worlds.

But if anyone had told me this 10 years ago, I probably wouldn't have believed them.

Danita, it's pretty funny how possessive the kids can be of your time, huh? My kids reached a certain age when they were out of the house all the time, but were downright OFFENDED if I didn't sit at home and wait for them to need me all day. They'd come home at midnight and want to talk to me, and I could barely keep my eyes open. Then they'd sleep until noon and will have missed my most active time of day--early morning.

I'm looking forward to empty next, even if I just stay home and work in the garden.

NMY

Oh WHAT A TYPO!

I'm looking forward to my Empty NEXT! Yes, that's what I'm looking for...what's next?

NMY

NMY,

Yes, it is VERY interesting. My daughter lives in her room, is always on the phone, but when she wants me -- she wants me NOW!

It's too funny!

I'm probably guilty of pouring too much of myself into my business right now, but honestly, I love what I do, it gives me great satsifaction, and real rewards.

I need to purpose to be more available to them, but like you - my kids sleep in and miss me at the peak of MY day!

Empty NEXT, that's a new way to think about it! LOL.
danita

Nancy.. i just read what Jackie's going to start doing next week, (it's under 'announcements') i bet you also would be just perfect for what she's going to start doing,

Thanks so much for thinking of me Norma...you are a Sweetie...I have been doing alot of volunteer work over the years...it's always very gratifying.I think it's great that Jackie sounds so excited about what she is going to do...Have a wonderful evening!!!

got your other post Nancy, thank you, and i read in another place where you volunteer with new borns, that must be so rewarding. I was thinking about your kids being so far away, you never know .. sometimes they come back to live at home for whatever reason. Pennsylvania ? My mom used to say her people were pennsylvania dutch. (not the correct word though i know) i think we all must be relatives, everyone has so much in common.

Avalon,
Welcome! I am an empty nester, and we moved away from TX to Ohio from out family. It is rough!

Avalonblondie, welcome from me too. Sorry I'm late! Missing my kids and grandkids here. Glad you made it. Talking about it all helps me as I am sure it will you.
chick

Hi Norma, I agree about us all being sisters..the more that I travel the smaller the world becomes somehow..no matter where I go these days i run into either someone I know or someone who knows someone that I know...i guess the longer we live on this beautiful planet those things will continue to happen..it's nice to get to know you my sister.. Junebug and Chickadee..I guess we are all missing our babies..I'm honored to be in your esteemed company...thanks for the welcome

Thanks Deb...I have never had a try at independence...maybe as you say I'll "love" it...right now I am feeling as if part of me is missing...I just have to get into a new routine...Thanks so much for the welcome..you girls are the BEST!!!
Nancy

Welcome AvalonBlondi and not much,you?, been away busy with work,(yuk-phooey) but am here today to say hello and welcome....

Hi AvalonB,

My nest has been empty for three years. It took about 15 minutes for me to get over it.

I had a great time raising my kids, (4 of them) there were good days and bad days and would not have missed the experience for anything.

Your worth and value is not in serving but in being an inspiration to your family. You sound like an ambitous and devoted woman.

I bet, if you really think about it, there is something you have always wanted to do or learn that you put aside to be a good mom. Now is the time for you to spend your energy on yourself. For me it was completing my degree when I was in my forties. That was scary! But I discovered I had value and purpose beyond my kids.

My kids have told me numerous times how that inspired them to try new things.

good luck. keep us posted on your journey

Thanks Jmaxx,
Your words are an inspiration...congrats on completeing your degree and following your dreams..unfortunately for me right now my husband is back in graduate school and I still have my youngest in college...so any aspirations I have towards further education will remain on the back burner until they are thru...just talking to you ladies on this forum for the past week has triggered lots of ideas for me that I am going to look into.. It helps to "think outloud" and hear what you all are doing at my age..it really does "get easier every day" as one of you girls said earlier to me. Thanks for all of your kind words...

Avalon, so glad to hear we've got you thinking in the right direction. Please share as you begin to explore!