Smile truer words were never spoken....

Smile....."Love is an unpredictable thing. It just does its own thing, and I'm not sure anyone ever loves us the way we think love should be."
Wow!!! That really hit home with me.
Thank you....it really opened my eyes to make me realize I'm to much of a romantic and need to get back down to earth.
Lynne

Smile wrote: "I'm not sure anyone ever loves us the way we think love should." My husband loves me better, more, deeper, richer, and fuller than I think anyone should or could or would. I am constantly astounded at his measure of love. There was a song in the 80's: "I want to know what love is, and I want you to show me" by Journey (I think) (recently sung by Wynonna Judd) and my girlfriend said to me, "That's your song, and W (my now husband) is the one showing you.) Yes, he has shown me what love is. I could never have guessed what love should be or look like or feel like. When it came to me, I almost didn't recognize it because I had never experienced it before. I can honestly say that my husband loves me in the way that I think love should be. And God am I ever grateful!

I do believe there are times when a marriage fails that it is 1 person's fault. And that is when cheating or abuse is involved. People don't have to cheat, even when there are other problems, but when they do, it's washing their hands of the marriage.

For instance, my first husband cheated and I couldn't do anything to get him back into the marriage. Then my 2nd one was verbally abusive. My fault was in the choosing and when I date someone, it's up to me to discern the true character of the man - not an easy task.

Bonny, I had a disfunctional childhood also and I'm sure that led to my bad decisions concerning love. I'm far from perfect now, but through counseling and reading, I have a better idea about the reasons for my choices and hopefully, I won't repeat my mistakes. I also encourage you to find a counselor. Some churches have counseling centers that charge based on your income. There are also some great books that have helped me also.

I believe there is hope for you - and me too!

Daisygirl

Bibliotherapy: that's a term used to describe books that can be used as helpful in gaining insight into our behaviors. If you go to my website (see link on the "house" above the post here) you will find a recommendations page at my website of books that are helpful in the areas that we are talking about. A crappy childhood does not give us a good foundation for making good decisions. Here's one of my favorite quotes: "Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is a not a thing to be waited for, it is something to be achieved." I had to learn that my parents' and siblings abusive behavior was not a blueprint for my life, that I could choose my own destiny. As Maya Angelou says, when I knew better, I did better. Yes, Daisygirl, and everyone, there is hope for all of us. Love and Light, Lynn

[ January 08, 2006, 02:22 PM: Message edited by: Lynnie ]

What a powerful statement Lynnie, I agree with you 100 percent.

Sherri

The comment about everyone else having a perfect life reminded me of a book I learned about in church yesterday, Everybody's Normal Until You Get to Know Them. It sounds like a good one doesn't it?

Excellent quote, Dotsie. I've never figured out what normal is.

It does sound like a good book.
Like Jackie...I'm not sure there is a normal, were all so unique.

I think the majority of us had dysfunctional childnoods in one way or another, and that's why were are drawn together here. We were raised in an era of trying to please our parents - something I still haven't stopped trying to do. Mine was emotional and mental abuse. Everyone else was always smarter, prettier, more clever, had a better personality - and that kind of thing being drummed into you lasts forever, just as the memories of the physical abuse you endured continue to affect your life. And then I married a man who did the same thing to me and my children. In public I was his 'beautiful wife' - he bragged about my housekeeping, my cooking, my mothering, my promotions at work. But at home - he wouldn't let me do anything other than the ones listed above - I ceased to exist. When I finally got the nerve up to divorce him (after 34 years of marriage and the kids were established on their own) he exercised his last act of controlling my life by committing suicide. The letter he left behind was proof, saying he could not survive without me, his only love. I will never get over it, and will always feel responsible, though I am better. You are most certainly not alone, Bonny. I never wanted to get involved with another man, either, but one appeared like a miracle and we have been married 4 years. We get better - people like you and I and the other wonderful ladies who have written to you - by talking about our history, learning we are not alone, and validating each other. I'm so sorry you've had to go through so much, but so very happy you are with us now. We also share lots of good things! I wish I lived in MI - I'd love to meet you and give you a hug! Let's talk more. And I apologize for one long paragraph - it's late, I'm typing fast, and have to get up for work soon, so I'd better get to bed!

Dreamer