Did you hear about the beavers?
They're the best dam builders in the world!

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In memory of Yogi Berra...here's a favorite Yogi-ism...
[Never answer an anonymous letter!]

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After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep
in front of the TV and spent the night in the chair. In
the morning, his wife woke him up. "Get up, dear," she said.
"It's 20 to seven."
He awoke with a start. "In whose favor?"

"The best thing about getting older is that you gain sincerity,"
says Tommy Smothers. "Once you learn to fake that, there's nothing you can't do."
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Kevin: "My wife and I argue a lot. She's very touchy--the least little thing sets her off."
Christopher: "You're lucky. Mine is a self-starter."
---------------------------------------------------------------Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicles who resigned on Tuesday?
He tried to resign on Monday, but found he'd been standing in the wrong line.

A grieving widow was discussing her late husband with a friend. "My Albert was such a good man, and I miss him so. He provided well for me with that fifty-thousand-dollar insurance policy--but I would give a thousand of it just to have him back."

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"These yuppies are really getting to me," a man complained to his friend. "Have you seen the new funeral home in New York? It's called 'Death 'n' Things."

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From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad."

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"I'm really worried about my dog," Ralph said to the vet. "I dropped some coins on the floor and before I could pick them up, he ate them." The vet advised Ralph to leave his dog at the vet's office overnight.
The next morning, Ralph called to see how his pet was doing. The vet replied, "No change yet."
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Q: How did Moses make his coffee?
A: He brewed it!

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Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get
soap in your mouth, then it's just a soap opera!

Love 'em! Thanks!

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing.
"Why don't you do that?" said the wife.
"Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!"

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Overheard: "The police in this town have a very tough sobriety test. Not only do they make you blow up a balloon, but then you have to twist it into a giraffe."

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"Basketball sure is an amazing game," said one fan to another.
"They pay a guy $500,000 a year to shoot the ball, and then they call it a free throw."

Wonderful, Jabber, thanks!!

Q. Who is NOT hungry at Thanksgiving?
A. The Turkey. He's already stuffed!

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Q. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
A. Because he has the drumsticks!

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Sign on company bulletin board: "This firm requires no physical-fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friends in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck."

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George Burns punctuated this story with a flick of his cigar. "A woman said to me, 'Is it true that you still go out with young girls?' I said yes, it's true. She said, 'Is it true that you still smoke 15 to 20 cigars a day?' I said yes, it's true. She said, 'Is it true that you still take a few drinks every day?' I said yes, it's true.
"She said, 'What does your doctor say?' I said, 'He's dead.'"
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Heard at a bus stop:
"Hello, Lily, how are you? What have you done to your hair? It looks like a wig."
"Yes, it is a wig."
"Really, how wonderful! It looks just like real hair."

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Did you hear about the self-help group for compulsive talkers?
It's called On & On Anon.

Thanks, Jabber, the wig story is so believable!