thanks frends for all your warmth love and words.
i re-read that thread as i rembered it was here and as much as i did read it, obviously so much was going in but not sticking in thought. I am reaconing its gonna be like this untill its not lol.
i got a shock when i read my post and last id written that po was 3 or 4 feet away from me and its was the earliest of mornings on one of the sadest of times, but it did make me look around too were she had been on that day i writen that post, what a strange feeling.
one of the nicsest of things apart from knowing all you's l;adies is a wee though i just had. i had it once before when i was going to blog letters for lucien so he could read it when he was older and know of himself in one of the safest diearies or scrapbook, well being on the net for ever.
i just been thinking if all thos pics and thoughs are thir then the energy and intent in how they were written are also thir. that being said then po's amounst her words in her own posts and within her pictures. thers reams of posts heer and i am sure some will be very sad but some will bring a nice comphort when i re read them.
thers poems of expresion of poetry, of arguing the bit out becouse she could (no malace intended) just had to get her point across. the intreactions and jokes that we had between us. the wedding the run up too it and poppies way of expresing things, mines being more garded happier to share my mind than my emotions and poppie being the opposite happier to share her emotions than her mind.
lola
you painted such a lovely pic of po, and brough her to life with many7 of the small ways about her, with the one glove missing in action, could she also never find her keys becouse theyd be in one of her pockets but not knowen weer, that pic you posted is one i like becouse she cough unawares. perhapps not one of her most perfect butifull pics but a great one becouse of its big honest unknowing shes observed smile. so often we don't look like ourselfs in pic but in that one she dose look just like her.
westminster being the first chapel lucien was in and how she took him around it. the holy rosiery church up the road being the place of refuge for po and candle lighting for lucien. when she was in hospital we had it up to 5 candles he had to light for the people he needed to light them for. I put my foot dowen at 5 becouse 20p a candle makes a pound, and a pound a day is enough for me.
I not gonna tell the storie about falling asleep last week becouse i had a prayer and a rest and one of my best sleeps in ages untill the nun woke me lol, i have't been back so i do not know if they do think i was homeless and shelterring from the snow. but i did need thir sleep.
someweer in heer is loads of po's poetry and one i found already by accident, a butifull poem about ballycastle beach and the pic i took of po on the rock with the silver of the moon on a cold frostie clear blued sky.
funny thing is its too her late twentie or early 30's i see her in my mind now, she was only 41 when she diead but something from so long ago had changed a bit back at 28 or 29 their was more softness, in fact it might even be as youn as 24 i see her now as thinking about the hair. ten years and the best of frends for better want of a better word partners (i am unsure partners in crime) but we knowen each other maybee 19 or 20 by now. i rember her from then as she dose I. its the haire and glimsies of real memories from that time. Its hard to tell as faciale she still looked 24 even when she was 30 something lol. just the lenth of the hair changed.
i know one of you ladies trakend me dowen after they heared i had shingles and told me my post sound very light and perhapps i was not that upset but now they know i was upset. The truth is i am upset and still trying to get use to life as it is and how it will be. I do feel sorry for myseolf as this christmass was ment to be very diffrent and one reconnecting without the presure or worrie of eassys or going home. i am cross that i have to spend the little i saved on her funeral than on bulding her workshop tools, how ironic is that!I am sadend that lucien misses her so much at a time he should't have to be missing her at all. He's very sic with a fever and has been for days. i think like i its just hitting in.
with death you know the persons gone and with our infrequnt partings its allways felt it be for 2 or 3 weeks, forever seems strange. what horrified me weas wonderring what if i lived for another 20 years or so and would i last that long becouse that seemed like too long too wate almost too long to get my mind grappling, then the next thought was but what if the 20 years that seemed too long for me at tis moment wase't long enough for lucien (if i go home in 20 years id be 62) and he be 27 would that be enough time for him with me heer and what a conflict.
the ironie is i got some hart trouble so the whole last lot of mounths was since my dad diead in march the day before her (po's)birthday from then untill now was about descoverring and diagnosing my owen hart problem which is nearly compleat and certinly thir putting in stints and hopefully that be enough and no more action needs be taken. anyway what if the 20 more years that seems too long ise't long enough for him, will it be fare to him to only stay that long and how would i feel leaving him alone at that age?? it was just a though but 20 years is half my age maybee a 1/3 of some of your ladies how quick it all seems once its gone and how long it takes looking ahead like a child dose wating to be 21.
So iv to fin many tresyre in thes forums that heer and i so glade we posted now as thir thir for me to read, the poems the chatts the runn up to the wedding and how strange but how gratfull i am that this is heer for me now, if not chatting so much then reading what had been created at diffrent times. apart from meeting you all and po meeting you all i am glade those words are here for me. tell your partners becouse they might not think to come heer looking for the essence of you when you are gone, (but do not talk about them while your heer lol)
last news on po's death is it turnes out she had a hart condision and something had made her hart grow larger than it should have been, which is funny since she allways had low blood pressure its expected of mine since mine was allways too fast with bloodpresure too high.
how symblolic are wee that po's mostly rembered for song and her emotione and one of those emotions is being her big hart, i don't know how many time i read it heer in this thread alone but its thir and you's all said it at one time or another.
anyway thanks is all i ment to come in and say as its comming closer to her one mounth anniversary....one day one week one mounth one year and 100 years are allways the toughest anniversarys don't ya think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FhNrrrCCTdA&feature=relatedlove ya all michelle xxx
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