EW, thanks for the update on your mom. I didn't realize she'd been to the hospital that many times since living there.

I could write a book on eldercare. Just got back from doctor visit with dad. It's all a matter of keeping medicines in balance at this stage of the game. I wonder if all this medicine is worth it...

Stay tuned to this forum for an update on my FIL.

Also, I'm going to post about this too, but I just read the book Still Alice within 24 hours. You must read it. It's about a woman who gets early onset Alzheimers. I have a feeling you'd love the read.

I too could write a book on eldercare. EW, I believe that we reach the acceptance phase once we move past the fear and emotions that helped us to block the reality of the situation.

Dare I say that emotional relief comes with it? Carrying around the burden of "what if" is so draining on our minds and hearts. Once we realize that it isn't important how, or even when, only then can we can fully move past that burden and know that it's only important we enjoy each moment with them, regardless.

It is the step we all have to take. It allows us to continue giving the best care possible, within our own limitations, to our loved one. Once you accept that "it is what it is," the care itself becomes more "normal" if that's a good description of it? You have accepted the disease, now whatever you can do, you do so without even thinking twice about the outcome.

I've said it before and I'll repeat myself...giving daddy and mother care was the greatest of honors! The greatest! Mom is still alive, thank you Lord, but daddy isn't. Still, I look back and think on it all. What a joy! If I had lived on in the daily fear of him dying, I would have missed an incredible journey.

I know I would be honored to care for my mom if need be. I have in the past but even though she is 89 she has more stamina than me and runs rings around us all. I have begged her literally on my kinees to come live here with me, she would be spoiled rotten but she won't leave her home of 89 years for anything. I can understand that and have to live with it as do my sisters who have also begged her to come to Colorado where they both live...

My mother is lying in bed with 104 fever. I was there yesterday afternoon, and gave the nurses my piece of mind. They had lined up about 5 different glasses for my mother to drink. She is so weak; she can’t even lift a finger. I asked the nurse if she thinks the liquid will enter my mother’s body through her pores! She then ran off and got a drinking cup for my mother, and held it to her lips. I took over, and my mother drank about three glasses at once. She was totally dehydrated. This should NOT happen! I’m going over today to have a talk with the head of the home. Also the window was wide open, it was freezing in the room, and her feet were icicles, despite her fever. I took off and bought my mother an electric blanket for her feet. I’m sure they would never refill her warm water bottles. I can’t believe this. And this place is so fancy…but what good does that do if they are so totally negligent! Last night one of the nurses called to report to me my mother’s temperature. With an uppity tone, she added, I have no need to worry they are taking care of my mother. Yeah, right…maybe now…because they know I will control!

There is an exhaustion in caring for a person in any care facility..hospital or elder care .It runs parrarel with the feelings of love and care.
We remember all the person did for us and become vigilant.There is no "taking for granted" the everyday we used to share.
Its tiring being on our toes watching to see if there care is good..
We can be lulled into the good days..acceptance..then another issue comes up and back into action.

When you say Dotsie that you could write a book that is how I feel also. I see many others starting out in their own journey to that stage of life...some get sad..some get angry.
I have come to believe that we gain from being the caregiver by doing all we can keeping in focus the whole person..the man/woman our loved one was and still is .
Living in the moment.doing all the small things..

Mountain Ash, you have an incredible talent of putting into words how one feels. Reading them, and knowing you understand is more comforting then you could ever know. I came home after spending 6 hours with my mother, and my husband didn’t even ask me how she is. So it was especially comforting for me to read your words.

I gave her liquids every ten minutes. I also sponge bathed her, changed her sweaty nightgown, threw on fresh sheets, without the hot filling. Every 10 minutes I laid a cool facecloth on her brow.

I held vigil, as I watched her breath. Many times I thought it was her last breath. But lo and behold, her fever broke. Her hands are so thin so very frail. I inherited her hands, and know that someday mine will look just the same.

Yes, her fever broke.

And now all I can do is pray, just pray that she is at peace, and even if it means the good Lord will take her.

Anne, I put a scare in those caretakers. The head nurse, who is the only official nurse, had the bitchiest attitude and a huge chip on her shoulder this morning. I couldn't believe it. Well, it takes quite a bit for me to really get furious, and this was such a case. I threatened to sue her and the whole home, if I ever should see the slightest case of negligence again. She tried to butt in, but I didn’t give her a breathing chance.

Then I asked a caretaker, who I’ve hired to visit my mom occasionally, to stop be sporadically to just see if my mother is getting the fluids, and is kept warm. Viola. Each time she went, there was a caretaker giving her a drink. Then when I arrived in the afternoon, there were two nurses with her. One was giving her a back rub, while the other one was cleaning off the bed table.

I was planning to camp out in her room if I hadn’t seen the staff do a round about change. Well, they were all overly polite to me, and couldn’t do enough. Actually I really should be consequential and sue, just for the sake for the other residents,…but frankly, I’m so drained. If I had support from siblings or my husband, then yes. But right now, I prefer spending my time with my mother, in maybe her last days, instead of sitting around in an attorney’s office. I wish you were here Anne.

In this case as the saying goes: The sqeakest wheel gets the grease. It's just a shame you have to resort to threats for these people to do their jobs the right way. You go girl, keep sqeaken...

I agree with Anne that you should keep notes, EW. Even if serves no legal purpose now, the fact that you keep a record of your Mom's care, and making it known that you are doing so, might just keep the staff and the home on their toes. Hope your Mom is better today.

EW, I can hear your exhaustion in your post. I know it's rough on us, but can you imagine being the elderly; your mother, my FIL? I can't. That's what is so upsetting. Due to your rant, your mother will now get the care everyone should be receiving all along. It's pitiful for the ones who don't have advocates like you. Bless your pissed off heart. They'll be bending over backwards to care for your mom now. Don't let up.

My FIL is also in an expensive care facility and the care is often questionable. Most of the time it's good, but there are exceptions. I was there Wednesday and thought his eyes looked red and gooey. Sure enough, Ross diagnosed him with conjunctivitis in both eyes and ordered drops four times a day. Why didn't they see that?

When we were there last night, Ross checked to see the medicine log book and sure enough, they hadn't given him his last dose. The gal said she wasn't use to giving him eye drops so she forgot. That's unacceptable in my opinion.

There he lays with a scar from the last fall which took place about six weeks ago, and a tremendous stiched forehead from a fall last week when he had to get 20 stitches, now with conjuctivitis...and we just got a notice that the raised the fee $330.00 a month. Can you imagine? And we're stuck. A move would be horrendous for him. He doesn't even like to leave this place because he's become so attached to it. When he leaves, he gets anxious about getting back because he doesn't have a key or know how to enter the building. So sad.

What is eldercare going to be like when we're in need?

Thinking of and praying for you and your mom.