Lola, I am sending you a BIG hug. You said just the right things. I knew them, but needed to ' hear' them. Now, like Orchid suggested, I just have to make sure Mom finds a social life outside of those walls. She has a single room, so at least she can withdraw to 'normality' there.
Don't know why I feel so weepy. Your posts got under my skin. It's also a double burden that I can't talk to my husband about my feelings. He's not interested and gets even impatient with me.
I'm so thankfull I have you gals as friends.
love and hugs
Edelweiss

It's natural to feel weepy, EW. She's your Mom. Allow yourself a good cry if it helps. Surrogate sisters. That's what we all are to you and one of us will always be around to bounce off emotions and together with everything else that comes with it. So...chin up, pull those shoulders back and smile. All will be well.

I took some pictures of my mother in her new senior home today. I made a little video to send to my brother. Here is a copy, if anyone is interested. The home, only 2 years old, is in a beautiful location, nestled between a lovely town, Landsberg, and a wide crystal river.
Still, - if I could, I would have preferred having my mother live with me; - but I suppose, and I say this with a heavy heart, in the long run, it is best this way.
Mom in her new home

EW I really enjoyed your video of Mom. She looks really happy. You are a beautiful daughter.

Edelweiss, it looks like a very nice place. Hoiw did you manage to get a video with no one else around? Looks like she's all alone there. I love the terrace overlooking the water, very peaceful. How are things with you and hubby since mother is not under foot anymore?

Thanks Chick. It isn’t hard being a good daughter to my mother.

You’re right Chatty, the place looks pretty empty, but there aren’t any vacancies. I guess most of the residents stay in their rooms. I don’t know.

Funny you should ask how things are with hubby. I wish I could say better. But it isn’t the case. He was an incredible help what the moving goes,…but moral support is negative. We just got in each others hair yesterday because I went to visit my mother instead of golfing with him. Golfing in March? It’s freezing here! He never asks how my mother is doing or cares. He just plain and simply doesn’t like her in our lives. But I plod on alone, and won’t allow him to influence me.

EW, your mom is such a striking woman. I see where you get your beautiful smile. This new home looks very nice, so clean, and I can tell you from my own experience with "home," be happy, hon. If mom can meet some of the other residents and strike up a friendship, kinship, or the such, she will be happy there, I'm betting.

Looking at her sweet face, I cannot imagine anyone not wanting to know her better, not wanting to care about her. Mind if I kick hubby in the butt? Whatttt? Did I just say that out loud? Whoops.

Edelweiss,
Your mom looks like she can be happy there. It is clean and open and I think it's a fine place you chose. You are such a good daughter so don't worry about what you are doing, you are doing the very best you can for your mom.

I've seen so many children of the elderly just abandon them, what you are doing is beautiful and everyone can learn from you.

I hope she has calmed and settled down and I hope her mail habit is a bit under control.

I'm sorry if her mind is slipping a bit, I know that must be very, very hard for you but again, you are being such a wonderful daughter that one could ask for nothing more.

Your husband I don't understand. Why sort of selfishness is he sporting on this subject??

And yes, golfing in March is a bit, well, thick.

Warmest, warmest regards,
Dancer

Thank you soooooooooooo much for sharing a video of your Mom in her new home, EW. I won't have to worry about her as much now. Yep, one does get concerned, even from London. She looks so fine and I am glad it's a facility with a Chapel. The home is huge. How many residents do they have there? Is the food to your Mom's liking?

EW, the place looks lovely. And when I first saw your mom, I could see that you resemble her. Your facial features from a distance are exactly the same. She looks very peaceful and beautiful.

I'm sure that in time she will make friends with other residents. Does she eat meals with others? That's how my FIL has gotten to know other residents. Do they have daily activities? That's another way we've gotten him to interact.

In a few short months, it has become his home, where he is now comfortable with his surroundings. We are certain of this because we've taken him out to dinner or lunch, and during the meal he's gotten anxious about getting back, wanting to know who's going to take him and how he's going to get in because he doesn't have a key. Remember, he has Alzheimer's so is often fairly with it and at other times is very confused. We realized he's accepted it as his home when we took him out and he wanted to go there instead of his house. Still heartbreaking because we'd love him to have been able to stay in his home forever.

Does your mom keep her door open when she's home? We've noticed that when my FIL does so, people are in and out of his room all the time. It's like a college dorm. But the ones who keep their doors closed have no visitors.

You mention visiting her more now. We do the same. We'd visit him once a week before. Now we see him about four or five times a week. Not sure how long we can keep this up because I also help with my dad (taking him dinner tonight). I always remember peple saying that when you were finished with the bulk of your children's care, you moved on to taking care of your parents. Boy has that been true in our case.

I'm pryaing your husband's heart will soften towards your mother's care.