JJ, your post made me laugh out loud, your humour is a balsam for the soul.

Dancer, the nurses are wonderful. We found a great solution with her mail. They are holding back all packages, and little by little are filtering the mail out for me. This is a perfect way out, and especially because I can avoid a nasty court order.

My husband? I don’t understand him either. He is such a devoted father and grandfather. It doesn’t make sense that he is literally down right malicious what my mother is concerned. I can only explain it as sick jealousy. My mother has never done him wrong; just the contrary. We are planning to go on a vacation together this summer, ( just the two of us). He doesn’t know it, but this vacation for me, is a deciding factor as to how our future will be.

Anne327, Alzheimer caretakers are angels in my eyes. I often think of you when visiting my Mom, and seeing the residents there. You might be right about my husband’s reaction; fear of old age. But frankly, I don’t care what his reason is; this is about standing by me too.

Lola, you are so welcome. Gosh, have I told you ladies I love you, lately? They have 200 residents there. And yes, my mother really likes the food; twice a week they even serve beer with their meals. She loves that.

Dotsie how far away is your FIL? 4-5 times / week. Wow. I can’t even manage that. I try at least 3 times /week. Lately we are invited to different birthday parties every weekend, and I’m so happy that many invite Mom too. You are doing double time with your dad and FIL? I hope you can go on those short vacations more often, because, dear Dotsie, you must need and deserve them! Thank you my friend for your prayers. If they do manage to soften my husband’s heart, I would be the happiest lady in Germany.

EW, one of the beauties of my FIL's residence is that it's only maybe five minutes from our home. We are so grateful for that. And we beleive it's THE best place for him. They only have 60 residents, but it's an Alzheimer's residence only. SInce FIL is in the hospital this week, we actually have talked about missing some of the other residents because we've gotten to know them so well. We even have nicknames for some of them. They're so rpedictable. Well maybe not. They seem to always be doing the same tihng when we go. THere ar e a ew that stroll the halls, soem who always sit in the main rec room, others who are alwasy in their rooms with the doors shut, and one funny guy whose jeans and bare feet are the only thing we see of him as we walk by his room. He's always in bed watching TV. Anyway, he's Mr. Feet. I may run by there tonight to see how they are and tell them how my FIL's doing. I also have an aunt there who has moved in since my FIL. The funny thing is that she is on his same hall and is one of the four people he dines with at every meal. How wild is that? It's my deceased god-father's wife, Mom's SIL. My uncle is deceased and she has dementia so I get to see her whenever I visit my FIL. Wild, huh?

EW, the parties are outside of the home, right? Does she like getting out? One of the things they do where my FIL lives is have birthday parties for the residents; another way for them to gather.

Thinking of you as I trek back and forth knowing you're doing the same.

Having your FIL just 5 minutes away, is an ideal situation, Dotsie.. There is a senior home closer to us…but yuck….no way. I have to drive about 20 minutes. It’s not that bad.

The birthday parties are all within our family. February and March are the birthday months. All grandchildren, children, uncles, aunts and parents celebrate their B- days during this time. And each time they invite my mother too!

Yes, Dotsie, it is comforting to know we are living similar lives right now. I had to smile at your imagery; “Mr. Feet”,…but that is fairly harmless. We have a Miss Lama’…She opens her sweater and spits into it. … I can’t really laugh about that. It’s all terribly sad.

I pray every day that they find a cure for Alzheimer. In my book, it is the most terrifying illness there is.

EW, love Miss Lama's name. So you're naming the residents too?

Have you read the book The 36 Hour Day? If not - Google it. It's a wonderful book about the disease. Let me know what you think. I highlighted half the book when I read it. Also, The Everything Alzheimer's Book is another good one.

Would agree Edelweiss that time with your mother becomes more precious.

I'm not sure about your hubby, if he's the sort of person who just likes to have his loved one around him often to make him happy. Or maybe it's been a recent development for him in past few years.

Thanks for the book suggestions, Dotsie. I wil check them out.

Mom is terribly depressed, I guess thats 'normal' too. I am a bit ticked off at the doctor. I spoke to her about my mother's depressions and some other problems (2 weeks ago), and she still hasn't come around to see her. I will give the doctor a call tomorrow. This is not starting off good.

Orchid, yes, Hubby wants me by his side to make him happy. He is always welcome to accompany me when I do little trips with my mother or visit...but he refuses to. So, it's not my problem; - it's his.

IS this the new doctor at her home? If so, they aren't making a good first impression.

Depression is such a tricky thing to medicate in the elderly. Is the doctor treating her an eldercare doctor because I've heard that certain anti-depressants aren't good for the elderly. Now if I couls only remember which ones. If you wnat me to find out, I will. I have a friend who has an eldercare business and she could tell me. She lives this stuff day in and day out, and has also lived it as a caregiver.

EW, if you have any specific questions, let me know. I'll call her.

Thank you so much for your offer, Dotsie. I really appreciate it. Since my mother takes quite abit of other medication, I think it is best if the doctor here decides what is compatible.

I'll take a couple of deep breaths and call the lady tomorrow.

Edelweiss, I am so sorry that I have not responded to this. I am, however, happy that you have so much support here, as always.

Who knows what goes through the minds of men. They compartmentalize so much better than women do. Maybe that is all that his actions are about - concentrating on only one thing at a time.

I hate watching someone suffer from depression, especially when that person already is suffering from another disease. With the drugs that are available these days, your mom should not have to be depressed.

Stay strong, my friend. And take good care of yourself. I know, easier said than done, but please be sure and be kind to yourself.

Oh EW...depression in the elderly is so common, and also ones with AZ. Please do talk with the doc as there is no excuse to let her suffer. However, I will echo what Dotsie said in that dementia patients cannot be given just any old depression drug...it can have an adverse affect on them. Just FYI...