CF,

I'm not exactly sure if I understand the question, but being manic for me is like being the energizer bunny on speed. My doctor explained it to me once. I am like a 78 rpm record living in a 33 1/3 rpm world. If that analogy makes sense. I think that's how he put it.

I don't fear my doctor at all. I adore my doctors. All of them. They truly have my best interests in mind. And, I trust them to treat me in that way.

The reason I love being manic is because I can open my mind and just let all the ideas FLOW. I get so many. They just come and come and come. I can't write them down fast enough. I can fill notebooks full of ideas. All about writing. Ideas for stories, characters, settings, etc. They just come. All I have to do is capture them and put them on paper so I can go back and read them later.

When I'm not manic - when I'm "normal".. when I'm stable. I'm not like that. The ideas don't FLOW. I struggle with finding them.

Then, I have these notebooks I can go back to and read and use to trigger myself. To help me find the spark that once was that magnificent idea I had.

I have many 4 inch binders filled with ideas. Notebooks filled with scribbles of beginnings of stories.

I love to be manic.

But, as my doctor has explained to me. What goes up. Must go down. And, the same way with mania. For every manic episode there is a depressive episode.

The pendulum swings both ways.

Unfortunately.

i put myself in italic and bold so thats my bit i trying to rephase so you can undertstand what i am asking better.

i hope this helps.

CF, Okay, I think I understand now.. Yes, my doctor feared that I would have more manic episodes if I continued on the AD medication.

When I'm manic, it's kind of hard for me to "hide" it, as it's very physically and emotionally evident. And, when I'm I'm manic I get very HAPPY! It's hard to hide that.

When I'm manic I also go into very big shopping binges. Those I've tried to hide and always come out at the end of the month when the CC statements come on the mail. So, it's a good thing that I'm stable most of the time, as I don't have that kind of money to spend. My husband has taken away my CC's at times. I've done some pretty major damage while manic.

So, being manic, while I love the productivity that comes with it, also comes some pretty big negatives as well.

cool your so responsible and know the consiquinses regardless. I have one male frend and he resits medicatting for when hes manic as he also loves it so much, its undeniable its happening but still he'll argue hes not when he can't hide it either. ultimitly regertable for him but in the moment he wont listen but always dose regret it afterwards.

its welcoming to know your stable most of the time, says a lot for medicasion and whatever else you are doing in life.

good luck

I've done all my regretting that I can handle..I know better now. I take all of my medications and don't mess up with them. It's better for me and for everyone around me if I take them.

I had a really bad urge to go shopping today. And, I resisted. I delved deep to try to understand. I wasn't sure if I'm heading into a manic episode, which I could be, or if I was just feeling a bit sorry for myself and wanted to make myself feel better by buying me something. :-)

I'm betting on the latter at the moment.

i am glade you resisted vickie and hope you kep your strenth up[ on it.

some time will tell if you are going manic or indeed it was a shopping trip to help cheeer you up a bit.

will you keep in touch anyway it goes?