Like some others, I had no idea this discussion was going on until today. I'm so sorry MustangGal, for all that you've had to go through over the past few months, but especially over the holiday season. My heart aches for you and I wish I had more wisdom/consolation to offer. I didn't suffer the same extent of abuse as you, mine was ongoing verbal/psychological throughout my life. It really does suck you in to dark places that are difficult to climb out of, especially when those who abuse cannot change their habits of pushing you back down as soon as they see any sign of autonomy or triumph on your part.

I did have to distance myself from my family at one point. In time I realized some of the "why" of the abuse, and in my case, it was only one person, which helped me to rediscover the rest of my family and restore relationships over the years. But I was never able to establish and maintain boundaries where my Mom was concerned...even though time after time she would betray any trust by pushing those same old buttons over and over and over again. I never did learn how to turn myself off from being a target for her. I don't know how or where we get whatever it is we need to be able to do that. But whatever it is and wherever it comes from, that's what I would wish for you. The strength, the inner sense of boundaries, the knowledge that you deserve abundant love and kindness, not this abuse and diminishing of your soul.

You are in my heart and prayers. I hope and pray that everything you need is provided through other people and resources in your life. Know that you are loved beyond your wildest imagination.