Expat,
Around noontime I sent you a PM [private message.] I haven't
gotten a response so wonder if you know how to work the dropdown.
Just click on the "my stuff" heading and a list drops down.
Then click on the messages.

NO! I don't think you are being
selfish. I think you have had it up to your ears. Guys can
really get to a person, sometimes. I didn't want you to think
I didn't care. I do care. But I don't consider myself a good
advice giver. I'm in a lot of pain right now, not due to marriage but other issues. Others on here, might be thinking
clearer than I at the moment. Prayers and blessings,

Expat,
You need to do what is good for you and your son. If you truly
believe your hubby to be a hopeless case, then do whatever will
improve everyone's life. All of us will pray you make the
right decisions and move toward a happy and healthy existence for
both you and your son.

Expat...

You are getting great feedback here. I'm glad I brought you on board!

One thing I recall being advised, in a general way some years back, was "KNOW you are right, then proceed". If you just KNOW what is right, then run with it. If there is indifference, proceed with caution.

If you KNOW this has/is effecting your children's mental health, (and I am assuming that a Mother's instinct is one that is never understood by anyone, not even a father), then you'd be doing the right thing. Sounds like a "legal" separation would be the safest/best way to begin.

Hi Di,

Deep in my heart, I feel a separation is the way to go, but I have to be honest and say I am very scared! Not one for confrontations, I dread having to tell him after my visit. He continues to carry on in a fantasy world, avoiding any kind of emotional discussion, which isn't good for anyone.

We'll see.

Be prepared, too, for him to want to just end it. Some men, I've learned, feel that "hey, if you do not want me, why be "wishy-washy"? Either you do or you don't."

So, just a little tip there.

Hi Dancer,

Thanks for your input. How am I? No further forward as to whether I am about to do the right thing or not!

As we all know, marriages do go stale, and sometimes I wonder why I think I am an exception to want more with my life.

It was just the lack of love and attention that set me off. I've been living a single life with the kids for so long, why should I stay married? And, as I said earlier, since he is now being as nice as pie, why couldn't he have been like that years ago! He put me through so much grief and it just gets me very angry.

If I go through with anything, it would be a separation initially. I have somewhat of a plan and am choosing to move out of the house myself. He could stay here. What else transpires, I will have to wait and see.

Expat, I'm so pleased he is being kind!
Do you think the scare was what caused him to see that he needed to change?

Sometimes that freshens a marriage.

I know that no one needs to live without the comfort and caring that they need, even if they get it from friends. You can even make your own, better family if you have to. Don't settle, you don't have to.

I've known my husband all of my life since I was 14 but it took me a long time to see him the way I do now. Now I have a longish and loving marriage I could have made years earlier if I had not wasted my time settling.

Time is your friend when looking for real love and caring and it is out there. I am an example of that. I married in my late thirties but as I said, I was married times before, and for the wrong reasons. I started over a lot. This marriage has more than made up for lost time. It's never too late.

But, again, sometimes loving marriages need a kick in the a** lol, before a man can remember the meaning of "caring, "being there," and "understanding." We must insist on that education for them.

Poor things, they know not what they do half of the time.

Wishing you very best of luck and love in your life,

Dancer

Yes, the separation certainly opened his eyes. But it only confirmed to me that he was in his own world and shut the rest of us out. Was oblivious to the fact that I was so unhappy.

Yes he is being nice, but I'm not sure he is sincere. Since I've talked about his controlling ways, I have a sneaky feeling he is only being nice to me as a way of still having the hold on me(as mentioned by Danita.

He says he loves me but his previous actions did not send me those kind of messages. I still don't feel any kind of emotional connection with him. That is why I am still struggling.

Expat,
When I mentioned sub-heading drop-down lists, I forgot to say merely click on the tiny, blinking envelope. That will get you to
your message file via the quickest, easiest route. Since you were relatively new to Dotsie's forum, I wasn't certain if
you realized drop-down lists existed.

Don't you wonder how many married people live together separately. Husbands have their favorite room, their own TV,
their own hobbies and pursuits. Wives go their own way.
One sits in the family room; the other stays in the living room.
I'll bet if truth be known, a large percentage of couples
live like that.