I was in AZ visiting my mother and step f. It was an ordeal, not because of Mom's Alzheimer and cancer, but because of my step f. How could I have had him in my life for nearly 50 years and I am just now noticing how corrupt he is? I wanted to rescue my mom. I tried to have blessed moments with her, and he attempted to sabotage. Could he have such obsessive "love" that he was jealous? After all we have been through, even in my mom's dementia, she and I still have an uncanny ability to communicate, even without words. I picked a lemon for her to smell and all hell broke loose because I damaged his precious tree. He's thinking of reducing her meds without DR consent because he, step f, does not think they are working. Wow, a friend from here had an ordeal with her family with a mom with Alzheimer's so I was prepared this isn't going to be easy. I am looking for the lessons and moments of blessings. That is where I have been. PL

Do everything you can to ignore and work around him. He has no right taking moments from you and your mom. These are moments you will never get back. I don't mean to sound harsh. So be it if it cause problems between you and him. That you can deal with later. Now you need to gather as many possible precious moments with your mom.

When will you see them again?

Hi Dotsie, I may see them sooner rather than later. Preliminary tests indicate lesions on my mother's spine. No way to know if these lesions are benign or malignant tumors. When I was with her, she'd say, "I feel like every bone in my body is broken." Well, no wonder, bone scan last week showed these strange tumors. She has to endure so many MRIs, CTscans, infusions, confusion. I can tell that she is losing her will to fight. Even if she was fully coherent, I mean, if she did not have the Alzheimer's, I suspect she'd be giving up by now. She does ask for me. I know my visit with her was nurturing and soothing to her. We don't know if she has 2 days, 2 months, 2 years, so I can't live there indefinitly. But when I get the inner guidance, I will go to be with her in her last days or months. My step father said last night that there were "forces" in my mother's life and in my life that "kept you apart" meaning keeping me and my mother apart. Yes, there were misunderstandings, trials, tribulations, and the generational destruction of child abuse. I wanted to tell him that he was one of the forces. He can't stand to see people being happy, isn't that strange? But he can't stand between me and my mother now. And, she and I know the truth of our love, despite all the mess and misunderstandings. What more could a mom want to know at the end of her life? Than that she was loved by her daughter...

I'm sorry to hear of your mother's serious illness and this latest negative development.

Do what you can to be with her and understand her wishes.

Thanks for your sweet reply, Orchid. I am in a wait-and-see pattern, until next Tuesday, when the oncologists and thorasic surgeon consult with the final results of the MRIs, scans, etc.

Princess, I too am sorry about this latest downturn. I really don't have much else to say.

Me either Princess, I just gave out the biggest, saddest sigh reading this, and other than pray there isn't much else I can do. God bless you and your dear mother.

thanks ladies.

In January, Dotsie asked, "When will you see them again?" I saw my mother over Mother's Day week. She has declined exponentially since January. She is living (if you can call it that) at home, and my step-f takes care of her. Alzheimer's is a mysterious disease with a mind of its own. My mother will touch her back, near her tailbone, and say "Every bone in my body hurts." That is where the new tumors are, inside her spinal column near her tail bone. Her mother, my grandmother, died on March 4 2009. One of the reasons I went to see my mother on May 4 2009 was to help my mom understand that her mom has died. My mother did not even bring up the subject. It's as if she has no concept of relationships. She know that I am her daughter who "lives far away." I had a experience where I exhibited fury at my step-f. Fury. Furious. Beyond belief. I did not know I had all that fury in me toward him. Every time I see them, it seems to be not only about the illnesses and disease, but also about some kind of learning experience. There are moments that any daughter would desire that I have had the gift to experience. When I leaned over to say good bye to my mother, she said, "I loved you since day one." From a woman with dementia! Who could ask for more? Thank you God!