I'm aware that women often lurk before taking the plunge and becoming part of our community. Mind telling us how long you lurked before getting the nerve to begin posting? I'd love to know what pushed you over the edge and gave you the courage to share at BWS...

I'm also curious to know how everyone found us - if you recall. Thanks.

i was recomended and directrfd by a frend. I'd knowren of it for about 6 mounths before i joined. Iv spent time lrkin and not posting since id joined, maybee i felt i had nuthing to say in that time period or it was just for personal reasons id not posted but lurked and read and was happie seeing people i knew interact and get on.

if thirs conflict its one of the things that sticks in my mind, that people may be reading and put off by arguing. Similarie some people will be atracted for that point, maybee for hard descusions sake.

Also its for the unknowen reader who may be from xyz minority group that reads about them being insulted directlie or sutiltie that makes me think auch that must hurt.

your states can they tell how many are reading even annonimisly but not posting?

I didn't lurk at all. At the time I joined, I had a business that marketed to baby boomer women and I found you through a search on Google.

I joined thinking it would be a good marketing move, but I've stayed because I fell in love with your site and so many of the people here. I've long since sold my business, but plan to stick around BWS for a long time to come.

K

I usually just dive right in! the only time I've regretted doing that on a forum was at Backspace - I was new there, and it just happened to be I joined during a time when I was grieving over my old girl dying- she was such a good dog, and a best friend - there were a couple of other things I was stressed about too - so all of that together made me down and tired and just negative. I think that came out in my posts at first and I had to step away for a while until I felt better again - now I just post professional things about writing and encouragement to other writers.

So, didn't lurk at all, just began posting!

i just remberefd this place was always mentioned to me as the menopose place and when i found out it wase't all about menopose i joined in lol.

I can't remember how I found you. I believe the Hand of God
directed me here: Because this forum has been such a blessing
to my life. I feel a spiritual connection on bws. It's the
only site I post on, other than sending notes back and forth
to groovy on facebook. I don't lurk. Never have. I love the
understanding and love I receive via bws posts.

well hellow leftie writer i not sure i saw you in welcome so i just want to say hi now.

Well, how do I keep THIS story short. LOL. I'll try, really I will. It all started after my Mom died; I had a complete physical/mental breakdown, which spiralled into severe chronic fatigue which forced me to quit my job. I was home, alone most of the time, very depressed, very lonely, unable to do ANYTHING because of the extreme fatigue which kept me bedridden for months. I couldn't even climb up the stairs without help.

So, once I became more mobile, I realized how empty my life was. And how brain-dead I was. I began by playing games on the computer. Then, in lonely desperation, I left a note on a psychology forum, pleading for help. A woman answered, eventually invited me to HER forum, which opened my eyes to the possibility of making connections without even having to leave home, which I still couldn't do at the time. That forum was VERY slow, meaning that someone could post something and nobody would answer for a week or two. Very frustrating.

So one day, again in utter lonely desperation, I typed into Google "I'm lonely"...the very first result was Boomer Women Speak. So I clicked, saw, fell in love, posted an introduction and received amazing wonderful responses immediately, and well, the rest is history...life-saving, heart-changing, soul-reviving history.

This place, these women, literally saved my life. So I would have to say it was no accident, but divine intervention that led me here.

I did and I do lurk.
Sometimes I leave for a month or two and lurk.
When I first came here I lurked for a time, just reading posts and noticing how close everyone was. I wasn't sure I'd be taken in very well seeing how everyone knew everone.

When I did post, I was treated very well and made welcome. I think if I were not so heartily welcomed I would have left.

I found the site by looking for a site for Boomers. I wanted to discuss some things with my peer group and this looked like just the place to do it.

I was also entering menopause and was ill so it took me out of all that and gave me a place to relate.

Dancer

I have mentioned before that I lurked for about one year. Well, lurk might be too strong a word. I would check in once in a while and see what people were talking about. Everyone seemed fine and topics seemed interesting, but I had never belonged to a forum, and wasn't sure what to do.

Finally, one day, I introduced myself. I've been hanging around ever since.

No lurking for me, not the lurker type. Read a few posts in 2004 and jumped in with both feet. Been sloshing around in here ever since.

Didn't lurk. Don't like the word. I was looking for baby boomers and writers because I had just written Carousel Kisses at the time and I joined right away. I don't post much at all anymore, but I do look in now and then and PM some old friends. I think "lurking" is a negative sounding word. Like someone "hovering" over and sneaking around waiting to pounce on someone or something. Since anyone in the whole wide world can read the posts, why would people have to sneak? It just never made sense to me. I can, however, understand people choosing not to just jump in and wanting to see what it's like first.

Because I own and understand message boards, I did not lurk because I just "knew", like jabber, by the Grace of God, I was sent. I found this thru an AARP Bulletin and said right away...."Hey, that's me!" I'm a boomer woman and I sure do SPEAK a lot!! LOL!!

I found this place via a link on the More magazine website.I actually started off there, but found it too slow-moving and topics not varied enough for me.

I didn't lurk here. I just jumped in. That tends to be my style, not just here but other places on the Internet also.

I understand the need by others to lurk for quite awhile before starting to contribute..but my attitude is: why waste my time? Life isn't for waiting around at the edges of action. Trying to figure out if I am going to fit into a virtual community....how crazy, when part of my real in-person life when I was much younger..was already feeling I was hanging around the edges of main society. No point waiting around to get "accepted".

If I have nothing to contribute at times, I don't but I just skim-read. I don't lurk..it sounds like I have a devious agenda or somethin'.

I googled something like "author's advice"...and this site popped up. I read some of the posts, and immediately joined. This was my first chat forum. Since then I checked Eons out, which I don't participate in anymore, - too big, and the personal contact just isn't there. Like Orchid, it's a time factor for me. This site and a photography site is enough for me.

I was a member of Hysterectomy Association and was one month post-op when another poster from that community enquired about links suitable for those over 50's post-hyster. At that time, I was already a member and moderator of two other online communities, one for apologetics and the other is for my profession but, had taken a sabbatical for the duration of my post-op recovery because there are ancillary tasks attached to my commitments to those two communities.

I am a very active person and have always lived a very inter-active lifestyle. I was not prepared for the boredom post-op and the insomnia which followed. It was at that time when another member at HA suggested BWS and, I believe, that member turned out to be Cookie! I did not lurk, I browsed the Faith and Remember forums for a few minutes then registered immediately thereafter.

I am no longer bored because I am back to a hectic lifestyle and the insomnia is manageable but, I come to BWS when I can because friendships that have been made here are nurtured online and offline. And, if in time, my visits to BWS wane, then like school, I will visit the alma mater from time to time as an alumnus.

Dancer? What in heck does, "Question your privilege," mean?
Just wondered.

Eagle Heart - what a story....it's those kinds of things that facinate and warm me - how we are all so connected in this big ole world.

Jabber,
What I mean when I post "Question your Priviledge," is that I want to remind myself and others that we must remember what we have, and to have only what we need. Others, so many others, don't have what we have. Many suffer with nothing. If we are careful with the priviledges we accept, we leave some for others. If we do not feel we should be priviledged, it can lead to more equality and being more equality minded.

I try to "take up the space I really need," - Taj Mahal, ( a good friend, a musician and expert on Negro spirituals.) I try to have what I really need and no more.

I have tried to teach my children that they are priviledged in many ways compared to many people here and in other countries.

I like to remember my priviledges and question them instead of taking them for granted. I may be able to share more if I do "Question my priviledges..."

I originally sent in essays and poems when Dotsie put out a call for writers. Then Dotsie emailed me to join the forums. Because I have no kids, no pets, and I'm not really mainstream -- I didn't post much at first because I wasn't sure what to say.

Sometimes I miss large chunks of time due to work or other issues. When I have migraines, I lurk but don't say much because everything is too loud or bright.

I don't know if I'd be considered a lurker or not. When I first joined up (checked out the site after seeing a mention of it in our local newspaper) I wasn't shy about posting right away. I used to belong to Hystersisters and was used to posting on message boards, knew from my experience with that the great friendships that can form and the support that can be found in places like this.
These days I check in here every day to see what's happening, but I go in spells with posting -- sometimes I post a lot but then I'll go for what seems like months just reading and not responding........mostly because I'm either short on time or just don't feel like I have anything to add at the time. Does that qualify me as a lurker?

Good to see you crossstitch. I thought of you when sticking my magnets to the fridge! They're so cute.

Thanks for sharing all the scoop about lurking, posting, how long it took you to join, and how you learned about us.

Due to some of the responses about the word lurking, I looked it up and it's a bit harsh. It actually means - to lie concealed, as in ambush. Wo, not exactly what I meant when I used the word. I simply meant reading and testing the waters, gathering information, but not posting.

Due to the number of hits we receive at BWS, we know a tremendous amount of reading and not posting goes on behind the scenes. I'm totally cool with that.

Maybe another question could be - what made you jump in?

I know there are many reasons women don't post. Some have to do with sharing information online, period. Others have to do with feeling like they aren't a good enough writer, speller, etc.

Please, to those reading and not posting, we do not check for grammar or spelling. There are no red pencils here at BWS.

I am not a lurker.

I found NABBW through an AARP bulletin, as others have. I was lonely - my Dad had died and I had no real friends here - and I was finishing my book and didn't know much about the Internet. I saw so many interesting posts and threads I couldn't resist joining. I was welcomed and didn't feel alone anymore, more like family.

I don't make it here every day, but I'd like to.

You are so right, the word LURK gives one a feeling of being insulted. And we certainly wouldn't want to be guilty of that now would we? Its funny how some words can have so many meaning and yet some just the one.

Does anyone here remember their very first post on BWS? I have been trying to but haven't a clue as to mine...

chatty, click on your name in a post and you'll see a drop down menu. There is one that says veiw posts. You can see ALL your old posts including your very first one. Have fun.

Oh wow, how cool is that? Going there now! Thanks Dotsie.

Aha! Found it. I introduced myself saying I had a Cookbook and book of Erotica out and since most times a writers needs another income to make ends meet, I also work as a telephone actress.
Candice and Meredith were the very first responders to my post asking what a telephone actress was, and so it began!!!

I dropped my resume off at the Council on Aging today and got to talking with the (older) woman at the front desk. Wouldn't you know it, somehow I mentioned NABBW and BWS and we talked and laughed and she wrote them down and we may have another guest soon.

chatty, wow, that was a long time ago. Candice hasn't been around in years. She's the mother of the little one you made the poncho for.


Saundra, thanks for spreading the word. I hope you find a job soon. I heard on the news that unemployment in Baltimore is worse than it's been in 15 years.