Oh MustangGal...my heart so goes out to you! It truly does. Can't someone invent a magic wand that takes care of all this crap, blast it all! (Speaking of venting).

I believe, with all gentleness intended honey, that you know what you need to do...you said it very clearly in your post. The first step, in my opinion, is to pull yourself out and away from the situation. You're right, it is easy peezy to get pulled into the same behavior when emotion is involved, especially when there is a part of us hoping that each time it will be different.

So, what would it take for you to stop taking their calls, seeing them, being near them? It may be for a short time or a long time, I don't know. And it sounds like it is time!

What kind of support do you need? What things need to change so you can get away from the situation for whatever length of time is needed and get some clarity around what is BEST for you. You might want to start by making a list of all the connections and all your needs to see what you can ask for help with, what can/can't be done immediately, etc.

As harsh as it may sound in writing, you are the only one who can change you. They won't change, or they will, and it will be their choice.

You *get* to care for you the way you want to be cared for, gently, kindly, carefully and with great respect. And only you can make the choice to take yourself out of harm's way.

I know $150 is a lot of money, believe me I do! And it sounds like it may be a great investment to get yourself out of that plan and reduce the "hold" this unwell person has on you. Make sense?

If I can be of service, please let me know. And I want you to know I get that it isn't easy and don't mean to sound like it is!