After a year and a half of caring for our 2 and a half yr. old granddaughter, the first week was liberating and relaxing

But this week I’ve fallen into a slump. I dream about her little smiling face. I imagine hearing her calling “Oma”. Her scent of baby oil and powder still lingers in her room. Oh boy, this is not easy. I feel like I’ve lost my own baby daughter.

My son has told me she has been crying for me and her grandfather every night for hours. Then they came for a day, and she clung on to me for dear life. In her sweet little baby voice, she told me she cries for us and that she wants to live with us again. When the parents packed all her things, she asked what they are doing. They explained that her time at Oma’s and Opa’s house is over, and that she is living now with Mommy and Daddy. Once again, little “A’s” heart was breaking.

Of course I thought I was prepared for this; but not really. To make it worse, I mean really bad, is that the mother has an attitude. I think she is jealous. OMG, what does she expect? She hasn’t called once to let me know how “A” is doing this week. She and my son said that it is probably best if “A” doesn’t have any contact with us for the next 6 weeks. Maybe they are right. I don’t know. I always thought a slow transition is better…but my opinion doesn’t count;…only my service when they need it.

So, I sit here with a heavy heart, fighting tears of self pity back. I have written several letters to my DIL, which I never sent. I don’t want to beg her to keep contact with me; got my pride too. I expected a lot of things, but the last thing I expected was animosity from the mother. And this is the mother that didn’t call her daughter the last two months. This is the mother that extended her stay with the Olympic team another month and a half, although she wasn’t a part of them.

My son called me once from the car. “A” was in the car as well. He gave her the phone, and the first thing “A” said to me was

“Mommy is bad to me.”

“Why”, I asked. “What did she do?”

“She pulled my ears and hit me.”

Okay, I won’t dramatize this. “A” can be strenuous, but I can honestly say that I never used such disciplinary methods with her; not once in the year and a half. Her mother has not grown into rearing her child. After easy dormitory life and sleeping away her free time…she can’t seem to cope. It was good that my son heard his daughter tel me this. I’m sure he won’t stand for such measures, and has spoken to his wife about it.

What do you all think? Should I have a talk out with her…or just stay in the background. My son is doing everything possible to save the marriage in fear of losing his child. I don’t want to rock the boat, and then hear my son accuse me of interfering in their marriage. Sigh

Here we have given our all, and now get trodden on. Is there some biblical quote for this?

I'm sure there is Edelweiss, the bible has a quote for just about every situation.

My first reaction when reading this was 'shock' that your son is willing and wanting to keep his marriage together. That bi@#* deserted her child and he should have taken steps while she was gone to get a divorce and FULL custody...

Nothing is going to change , nothing! This woman is a real piece of work and someone needs to read her the riot act, but not you!!! You will never be allowed to see your grandbaby again if she becomes more hateful. Until (of course) you become useful again and believe me she won't want to play mother for very long. What a mess!

No biblical quote...my dear EW but in my heart I feel this is but a chapter in this story.Not a favourite chapter but nesessary for the whole book.
Hold tight and trust that the right outcome is presented.Being patient is hard.
I am a do..er...and waiting for me is difficult but I have been tested time and time again to prove to me that sitting tight and waiting is best in serious circumstances.
Its always darkest before the dawn..

Only quote I can muster is "This too shall pass"
Mountain ash

I have a feeling you will be called upon again... so rest up. In the meantime, while you're thinking positive, you could read up on what can be done if things go sideways again.
You don't know how much it means to us to have you back.!

HELLO - my PC keeps submitting with keystrokes... the ending of the last sentence above was to be "so we understand A missing you!"

I know you were worried about this happening. It is terrible that she treats you like this. You have been raising her child so she could go off and "follow her so called dreams." she is such and ungrateful person, not to mention selfish. I think Chatty's right. You can't be the one to put her in her place, because you could risk her keeping "A" from you altogether. It is a mess. Of course the child thinks of you as her parents, you have been raising her. You have been the one who has been there for her, not her mother. I think keeping her away from you for 6 weeks is ridiculous and must have come from the mother. She'll want your "services" again when it suits her.

I saw, with my own eyes, how much that little girl loves you and you her. Your d-i-l owes you a lot. She's a very selfish woman.

While you "sit tight" be good to yourself...go nice places and keep busy..it will sustain you until the time is right to discuss the future.And act if necessary
Your son wil be between a rock and a hard place so he will be going through a serious time.
I feel sure if the mother does something wrong A. will tell Daddy..watch out if she isnt telling but seems unhappy....he must act and sadly you two must wait.
So....where are you going today ? an art gallery ? a coffee shop ?

She is absolutely beautiful! I'm so sorry that your heart is so heavy. Glad that you've decided to take the sound advice of everyone here. As difficult as it may seem, you might also want to be very cordial to the mom right now. And especially be her "best friend" in the event it doesn't work out w/ your ds;)

Edelweiss, my heart aches for you. I've followed this entire journey (or in the words of Mountain Ash, the whole story thus far) and know how much you love A. The mother is being selfish and ungrateful. Unfortunately, at the moment, she holds all the power, and because she does, I would echo AdornmentsMilani.

We had a similar situation here; years ago, DIL made it almost impossible for us to see our granddaughter. When it finally seemed that there was nothing left to lose, I wrote a letter to them, reminding them of how much we loved them, of what a good father hubby had been, how valuable extended family are in so many immeasurable ways and how children need as much love in their lives as possible. I poured my heart out, trying not to be condemning or judgmental, but gently reminding them that family and loving relationships are more important than whatever it was that was keeping us apart. Even I was surprised that it worked; hubby's son was on the phone that night. That was about six years ago, and while the road has been a minefield at times, our relationship with them and the grandchildren has blossomed to the point where I don't think they would use the children as emotional blackmail again.

I don't know what would work in your situation, but I echo everyone else's assurances that "this too shall pass" and hang in there, don't burn any bridges - you want to be there when they - more specifically, A - need you again.