Great point about the background check ellemm. What if she does it and only shares it with MIL if necessary. The whole family doesn't have to know. What do you think?

Oh, I'd definitely support showing any report just to the MIL at first. My caution is that, no matter how much people try to help, a lot of times the whole thing will blow up in your face if the other person doesn't want to hear about it. At least you will have tried, but the outcome is far from certain.

Unless this guy has captured the MIL, she is responsible for her own behavior. So if she's yelling at people and hanging up the phone and has already admitted that she's looking for someone to fix up her house (is this friendship? is this a business deal), she's got some major red flags as well. In addition 'forcing acceptance of the new man' sounds like the family is pretty cautious about someone new anyway. (But there's little doubt MIL isn't doing a very good job introducing him around.)

While this might not be the problem in angelawest's family, a lot of families encourage a newly single parent to start dating again and then do everything they can to sabotage the relationship. This stuff just gets so complicated. Needless to say, I hope everyone, including MIL and the new guy, keeps a cool head and doesn't do anything foolish.

If you check and find out something unfavorable and don't say anything to her, then he does something to take advantage of her, you'll be the bad guy for NOT telling her.

Second, if you do find something and tell her, you may still be the bad guy BUT usually not for as long when she comes to her senses, which most women actually do.

I would definitely check however, whatever else you decide to do or not do.