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#15417 - 12/11/05 11:22 PM
Re: How to be compassionate
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Member
Registered: 08/25/05
Posts: 1052
Loc: Ohio
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I believe tha being compassionate does not mean being a doormat. If someone continues bad behavior which causes her pain, then my compassionate feelings don't last indefinitely.
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#15419 - 12/11/05 11:35 PM
Re: How to be compassionate
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Member
Registered: 05/21/05
Posts: 252
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All your entries are so meaningful.
Lynne, I do hope you are okay. Can I help in someway? I'm sending my love to you right now. It must have been hard to bring the awful news to your friend. Wrenching, trying to find the right words.
The most difficult time I ever had in sharing my compassion was when I was hurting from the news as well. It was directly after my brother committed his horrid crimes - murdering his neighbors - that I've talked about before on this site. My dad had called me while I was out. My husband told me the bad news. So he and I went to be with my parents. They were broken, and it broke my heart even further to know there was nothing I could do to take away their pain. They were such good people. So I was there. I listened, I prayed. But it was oh so hard.
How about other stories anyone would like to share, times when you helped someone or someone helped you, times that stayed with you. I'm sure we can all learn from your experiences. These days, with times being what they are, if we can pool our knowledge and wisdom, we will all be the better for it.
Vi
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#15421 - 12/12/05 01:09 AM
Re: How to be compassionate
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Member
Registered: 09/20/05
Posts: 2560
Loc: Pagosa Springs, Colorado
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I see compassion and pity as different. Pity seems like you are looking down on the person and when I am being compassionate, I'm holding the person up. It makes me feel like I'm lower than them. Like Jesus washing the disciples' feet.
Offering it without reservation is the way to go, Chatty. I admire how you have that rapport with animals. I guess I'm a little scared of them most of the time. Now babies seem to feel safe with me. We're all different, which is great.
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#15422 - 12/12/05 08:19 AM
Re: How to be compassionate
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Member
Registered: 10/11/05
Posts: 645
Loc: boise
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Wow!
No wonder I was drawn to this place. I don't know if I can add another word to these heart-felt and obviously thought about posts.....Vi, such a thinker you are!!!....A treasure for sure.
I will try tho', just so I can get my 2 cents in as usual - I think every one of you are right. Compassion - in my personal dictionary: the ability to take on another's misery in thought - to understand where their misery is born, and to be a place of comfort, without judgement. Just engaging with that individual is often enough - validation is a word that should be used more often. How often have we wished that someone would validate how we feel? To say that what we are feeling is legitimate, real, and true? That we are not , indeed, crazy, or "making up stuff", that we are not "hysterical", as history often portrays us women - What a person feels, be it man or woman, always needs that validation. "you are counted" is my explanation for compassion....Your opinions, your thoughts, your pain, your feelings about all things are counted and are noted as important in the Book of Time...............
Search
PS Just to say also that compassion does not in my interpretation, mean becoming that person - I believe that upholding your own personal values is the only way to helping anyone else- to give that person the strength to uphold their own values.............just to add the strength.
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#15424 - 12/12/05 06:04 PM
Re: How to be compassionate
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Member
Registered: 05/21/05
Posts: 252
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Searcher, your words are so true.
Dianne, when I worked at Children's Services with abused kids and such, I took everyone of those little ones home with me at night - emotionally speaking. I got out of the business. How do you manage to remove yourself emotionally without having it effect the rest of your personal life? I just never managed to learn to do that.
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#15426 - 12/12/05 09:32 PM
Re: How to be compassionate
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Member
Registered: 09/22/05
Posts: 868
Loc: Merrimack, NH
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I think I know what both of you mean. Leaving the kids and their problems at school was one of the hardest things I learned to do. I don't know if I ever really did, even after over 30 years working in the schools.
A wise woman once told me, "We only have them 8 hours a day. We can't control what happens the rest of the time." She was right, of course, but that didn't keep my heart aching on numerous occassions.
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