Dreamer,

I so appreciate your words. And your understanding. Exactly. There was not much time for "fluff' and this IS a regret of mine. But I don't think so much for Nichole - she was not into much fluff, well, sometimes , but mostly it was about "making life better" for herself. We could all take lessons from Nichole about making our lives better, if we all tried as hard as she did, and forgave as much as she did, we would all be in a higher state of existence.

It has been 6 months today since I last touched her face. And a week before that since I looked into her deep blue eyes - she had the most beautiful eyes, and lashes so thick and black that people swore she wore mascara - but never did. I always said she had a "rosebud" mouth - since she was an infant - just the prettiest set of lips you ever saw, and just the right amount of color without lipstick. Tho' she wore a gloss most days when she went out. She was really a pretty, pretty girl both inside and out. I kept a ridiculous amount of her hair. She had what I called "Jessica Rabbit" hair. Thick and dark blonde with waves of curl - up on one side - we never owned a hair dryer - we all are curly - so it was best to just let it dry naturally. On her birthday (Feb. 25) we took her to Jackpot to play the slots. We had never done this before, but Nichole was always lucky and wanted to go - so we all got in the van, dog and all, and drove down. O my gosh, did she ever have the best time - Now, Nichole goes to bed around 7, watches some TV, writes in her journal, and reads, usually asleep by 9 or so. That night, we could not GET her out of there! I was sooooo tired, but no, she was winning- the nickles were pouring out ! At last at about 3 in the morning, I said, "Nichole, I'm starving - we HAVE to go to breakfast! That got her attention and we all ordered steak and eggs - But just then, an obviously elder cowboy entered the room. (you can always tell a REAL cowboy by the way he walks - poor things always have a stiff back and a certain gait)And I mentioned to Nik that there was a real cowboy - she was very interested and kept trying to look at him without being obvious. Pretty soon, his daughter came to our table and said, "I just wanted to say that you have the most BEAUTIFUL hair! Nichole said, thanx, but is that a real cowboy? The daughter said, "absolutely and , Dad, will you come over here?" So wife, Dad and daughter all came to our table and we had the best conversation ever!!! Then we had to drag Nichole to the hotel where we slept for a few hours, only to have her drag us back in the morning for a few more hours of nickels.....