Vi, I got teary eyed when you mentioned that your sister knows she can talk to you about angels. That book taught me to validate the thoughts of the dying because they often need that validation to carry on.

I believbe every person in your sister's life plays an important role. You are definitely in a minister's role. Revel in it! Pour your love on her.

Vi, how is your dear Mom doing? I am guessing you are sharing what you have been reading with her. My hopes, thoughts and prayers are with you still.

chick

My aunt also spoke to angels. In one moment of clarity, she told me she could watch something like a slide show passing before her eyes. I asked her what she saw but she stopped talking at that point. I believe it was only good pictures, just like her heart.

Yes, Dotsie, I feel my job is to pour love on to her. Beyond that I play it by ear each time I visit her.

Chick, I talk to my mom once a week unless there's an emergency - it's long distance, and my husband and I are on a tight budget. Her mind isn't what it once was, so I only share some of what I'm reading with her. She's not a person whose into reading or grasping new concepts. She never was.

I mentioned the angels Sunday when I talked to her. Off and on in the past, I've talked to her about what it might be like to die. She's been expecting to die for a while now. Her heart is bad. She's not afraid. She's ready. She's never seen an angel, or so she tells me. But one time when as I woke up I saw an image of Mom standing beside my bed. She was wearing a scarf, and a pink cardigan sweater and was caring her purse. When I talked to her after, that I asked her if she remembered dreaming about visiting me. She didn't remember it. But I think she may have been having a small stroke at the time. After that her mind was not as clear. She has never been one to remember her dreams. She is very religious, but at that time did not believe a person could see spirits. I've been trying to gently open her mind to it for some time. I've told her of other people I know who see them, including me.

Dianne, seeing angels can be so comforting. I'm so glad your aunt told you about it. I was raised to believe that we couldn't see such things, that that ability died out when Jesus' apostles died. But I love it when they appear to me. It is so cool.

Tonight I heard from my brother-in-law. Hospice comes tomorrow. Thank God. Thursday they were supposed to talk to the oncologist about hospice. Dan told him they couldn't wait. They got a portapotty today for beside the bed, so he doesn't have to try to get her to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He's afraid his back is going to go out. Tomorrow hospice will bring a small wheel chair and talk to them.

In addition to Anita's regular pain killers they are now giving her methadone. I do hope the good Lord takes her peacefully, soon. I realize it is not my timing .... but God bless everyone involved. They are so tired and stressed.

There is so much to be learned from something like this. It's invaluable. Before my mom's last husband died, I learned a tremendous amount about Alzheimers. The poor man would get so frustrated. He loved to talk, and he couldn't get the words out. He hated living like that. He told me so on several occasions before the last of his words failed him. Thankfully, his heart took him before he had to be institutionalized.

Life has so many beautiful lessons. A lot of them are accompanied by pain. And for me at least, I know I wouldn't learn them nearly as well without that pain.

My love to all of you dear sisters. Thanks for your ongoing prayers and support.

Vi, hospice should be a real blessing for her husband and her. He will be relieved of some of the constant attention he has had to pour on her. It's exhausting. Everyone needs a break.

Were you raised Catholic? Just wondering because of what you said about the angels.

It's weird. I've never seen angels, but I certainly know when the Holy Spirit is involved with my life.

[ June 15, 2005, 05:38 PM: Message edited by: Dotsie ]

Yes, I'm sure that my sister's familiy will be relieved to have the help from hospice. I imagine it was extremely hard on your family when you went through this, as it is on all families who deal with it. Today, I've been down about it all. Thanks for your insights and your prayers. You and your Website are a blessing.

No, I was not raised Catholic. It was a Church of Christ with a very strict doctrine. The minister thought he was the only one who knew what was right - the gospel according to Melvin. It turned a lot of us off. The God I'd been raised with was a jerk. I couldn't believe in a jerk. So I became agnostic after I left home, and my spirituality floated for a while. That changed with what my brother did in 1980. I began searching for a higher way of viewing things. A spiritual mother, Peg, found me and helped. Then after my boyfriend, Gary, died in 1988 I opened to yet another level. While I was healing another spiritual mother, Elaine, found me and helped me in so many ways. She saw angels and other spiritual beings. After their deaths, people whose spirits were passing into the light would be attract to her light, and she would pray for them, help them to see their guides and go into the light.

I started exploring the sacred texts of a number of religions. It gave me a respect for the beliefs of others that were very different than mine. Ultimately that led me to write a multicultural novel which is part of a trilogy I'm marketing. About four years after Gary's death I began waking and seeing holographed beings. I never expected to see them - not after what Melvin taught as I was growing up. It's like the beings were on duty watching after me, their heads were moving, back and forth like they were surveying things I couldn't see. I only saw them from the shoulders up. One day I would see one of them. The next day it would be another I saw. There were three different beings. Their lips were moving, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. At first it scared me. They were so huge. I came to know that they were good beings, so the fear went away. I call them my guardian angels. One time I awoke to see a line of beings holographed next to the bed. One would step forward and I could see it, then another one would show itself, and another and another. It was very interesting.

It makes me feel so protected and cared for, being able to see them. I know they are always there, although I forget to look for them when I first wake up these days. The image fades as my day vision kicks in.

My great maternal grandmother, Sarah, saw angels and other spiritual beings. My grand aunt, Lottie, Sarah's daughter, also saw such beings. One time she said she saw Jesus hallographed out over the canyon in back of her home. She told me after her little sister, Lila, was severely burned, before she passed she saw an angel. Lila said the angel was so beautituful.

I put beings like this in the visionary fiction books I write. My hope is that through my stories people will find hope, in their own way, like I have. That's the long answer to your short question.... Hope you don't mind.

Love, Vi

My sister, Anita, died yesterday, Friday June 17th.

Wednesday, the 14th, I didn't get on the net in the evening to answer my emails and such, the way I normally do. Neither did my husband. So the phone was free. Finally just before bed at about 10:45 I decided to check my emails. One had come in at 7:30. It was from my sister's daughter. She said that she didn't expect her mother to live through the night, that she had the look on her face like an animal gets before it dies, eyes glazed, food just ran out of her mouth. She was unresponsive. My niece was not at her parents' home when she wrote the email, her brother and his wife were. It did not feel urgent for me to get to my sister's house. It was late, so I didn't want to call my brother-in-law, Dan, just in case everyone was asleep. The next morning, Thursday, at nine I called, expecting Dan to say my sister was dead. He said she seemed to have come out of it a little and was willing to take in Popsicles and eat a little something. So my husband and I immediately drove up.

I kept in mind the things I was still reading from the book, Final Gifts, as well as the things I had learned from other deaths of those close to me. We arrived at the house and Anita was laying in the easy chair beside the couch. She responded to me, and I told her I love her. In a very weak soft voice she told me she loved me too. There was no doubt that she was going to die or slip into a deep coma soon. She's diabetic - the chemo caused that - and her blood sugar was down to 40, which is extremely low. Dan had been trying to get her to eat and drink, but she was no longer willing to do that very much of the time. She finally had a little orange juice and a little candy. Her blood sugar rose to 98. Her face had, by now, lost all the lines. It looked thin and frail, though the rest of her did not look emaciated. She could not hold herself up. Each time Dan gave her something he held her tenderly, spoke sweetly to her. I know he was exhausted from the 5 year fight with the disease. And as she got worse and worse, he slept less and less, but you would never know it from his tone with her. Anita slipped in and out, her mouth open as she "slept." Sometimes she snored. I was sitting next to her when I decided to tell Dan of the dream I had had the night before. In the dream I was in a room with a bunch of people, Anita was there, and she was very ill. In the next scene I was standing outside the front door with Anita. I asked her if she was alive. She said, "I don't know." I woke up.

Their son and his wife and step-son were also there some of the time. There was hugging going on - intense feelings exchanged through the hugs. One time when I hugged my nephew I could feel the energy exchange, and when I pulled away I felt almost a jolt of energy leave me. I knew it was because he was so needy, had no strength, and took some of mine. I've felt energy drains before, but not like this. This was like a smack of it. I felt instantly depleted. I did not mind. He and his wife and son took the opportunity, while Phil and I were there, to go home and get more clothes and things they needed. So while they were gone, and while Phil and Dan were in the other room talking to the pet birds, I decided this was my chance. By then Anita was laying on the couch. I walked over to Anita. Her eyes were closed. I said softly, "It's okay if you want to go home. We will miss you, but if you need to go, we will be all right." She said, "Go home? You are going home?" "No," I said, "I'm talking about you going home." Dan and Phil came back in. Anita said, "go home?" Dan said, "No, they(meaning Phil and me) were not going home yet." She repeated it another time and he reassured her we were not going home.

After my nephew and his wife returned I had the chance to talk to his wife. I have never had the opportunity to get close to her before, but she was so obviously concerned. So we talked and hugged, and I told her about Final Gifts. She said she would get it and read it, so she could help everyone with what they were going through. I felt her soul. She's a good lady. She's been in the family about 4 years. I told her that everyone needed to tell Anita that she had permission to die. She told me her husband was a "puddle." One time when I hugged him I told him he would make it through this somehow. He said he didn't know how. We were all in and out of the house, standing around talking, hugging, like people do at times like this. Phil and I stayed several hours. Then we told my sister goodbye and again told her I love her. She was aware of us. She repeated, "I love you too." As we were leaving Dan walked us out to the car and told us that the night before, his daughter had him read something she found on the web about what to expect as Anita died. He said it was hard to read. He said his son read it too. We talked about when Dan would want me to go pick up Mom - a five hour trip. He wasn't sure yet. We decided to wait until after the hospice visit the next day at one - to wait for their assessment.

On the way home, Phil said what he saw was real family there, and it was beautiful. All the barriers were gone. When Phil and I got home, via email, I sent my niece the name of the book, Final Gifts, since I now knew she would be open to it. The next morning I received an update from Dan by email. I spent the morning reading more of Final Gifts. Phil was on the web. At about 12:20 ish I went downstairs to see if Phil was ready for lunch. Phil was still on the web. We were talking, and he was finishing up what he was doing on the web. At 12:25 we were automatically disconnected from the web. At 1:20ish I received a phone call from Dan. He said, "She's gone." She had died at 12:25.

When Dan called, hospice had just left. Dan told me that his sister was bringing Mom up. So, thank God, I didn't have to. When they had left, Anita was still alive. We worried how this news would affect Mom. She's 86 with a bad heart. Turns out, a little before Anita died, she asked to see her momma. When Dan told Anita that Mom was on her way, a tear came to Anita's eye. In a few minutes she died peacefully at home the way she wanted to.

Phil and I went up immediately. It's an hour away. Anita's body was still on the couch. Since she was being cremated, they waited to have the funeral home come out until after Mom got there so Mom could say good-bye. Since Dan's sister had a cell phone, someone called and told her while she was en route that Anita had died. Dan's sister is a sweet loving person, who has had many losses, so it was good Mom was with her.

Phil and I stayed at the house for some time. There was a lot of sadness, of course. We all did the things families do at times like this. The picture albums are out, phone calls are made. People took turns breaking down and being strong for each other, talking about Anita. Phil has never been around death. (I have been my whole life. My family and I are of pioneer stock, and my family members used to have big families. A myriad of my family members have died over the years, and my parents chose not to protect me from it.) In addition to it being sad for him, Phil was observing the interactions. He said he thought it interesting that it was the men who were the ones visibly breaking down. The women got tears in their eyes, but the men sobbed. Dan, of course, but also his son and his son-in-law. His son in-law lost both his mother and his father in the last year. In addition, people were teasing each other about any little thing, and there was some joking going on. That's how much of my family lessens the stress. My dad always said, "I wouldn't tease you, if I didn't love you, Sissy."

The house was going to be full last night with people sleeping on the floor, in the travel trailer, and stuffed into corners. Phil and I would have been welcome to stay, but we had no need to do so. The memorial service is to be held on Saturday the 25th...the day of the family reunion on my dad's side in another part of the state. The Red Cross arranged for Dan and Anita's grandson, who is in the Navy, to fly home for the service. God bless them.

Last night I was glad to be able to come home to recuperate. The energy drain is extensive when one goes to something like this to offer support and freely give love to those who need it, as well as, dealing with one's own loss. This week, I work on myself, so that when next Saturday arrives, I will have a full supply of love to give to my needy family.

Hurting, but at peace with it,
Vi

[ June 19, 2005, 09:47 PM: Message edited by: Vi ]

Vi
What a beautiful and loving way to deal with the loss of your sister.

I hope you can feel the warmth and love of our prayers as they surround you at this time.

May God be with you and your family.
smile

Vi, thank you so much for sharing your loss with us. It's beautiful. I can't help but notice all the love within your family.

And you are so selfless. God bless you. I know God will replenish you with His spirit this week so you can go spread His love again for the funeral. I am so proud of you for being His hands, arms, and heart in love.

I continue to pray for everyone involved.

I hope you will print this topic so you can reflect on it at a later date. It will warnm your heart.

Also, I could picture you going through all of this as I read your post. Somehow I was also picturing my family experiencing many similarities during Mom's illness and death. Thanks for the memories. They are bittersweet.

Smile, thanks for your loving kindness. It does so help.

Dotsie, thank you for your words, the feelings behind them, the prayers and for being willing to experience your own pain to help me with mine. Bless you. I do plan to print it all out. It's a good journal, filled with support.

My love to you,
Vi