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#143994 - 03/21/08 05:59 PM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: jawjaw]
meredithbead Offline
The Divine Ms M

Registered: 07/07/03
Posts: 4894
Loc: Orange County, California
Thanks everyone for the kind comments.

I think I'd want to FINISH everything I'm doing now -- loooooonnnnggg list -- so I could go more peacefully.
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#143995 - 03/21/08 07:33 PM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: gims]
Dotsie Offline
Founder

Registered: 07/09/08
Posts: 23647
Loc: Maryland
These are so sweet.

I'm happy to say that my MIL wanted to swim with the dolphins and we allowed her that opportunity while on vacation once. She and my daughter swam with them. One of my favotire phtos of my daughter is her kissing a bottle nosed dolphin. It's precious.

Thought I'd share that when Mom was dying of cancer, and too sick to go anywhere, all the adult girls in the family had a sleep-over with her. It was a blast. My youngest sister is hysterical and she was in rare form that night. We laughed at her recollection of family memories until we cried.

Now I wonder why we haven't had another sleep-over. SOmeone doesn't need to be dying to do such fun things.

If I knew I were dying, I think I'd rent a big beach house for the summer and swing wide the doors for family and friends. We'd eat, drink and be merry while on the beach and also lounging comfortably around the spacious, airy home with windows open wide and the breeze blowing through.
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#143996 - 03/21/08 08:16 PM Re: Can We Talk About Death?
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Quote:

Thought I'd share that when Mom was dying of cancer, and too sick to go anywhere, all the adult girls in the family had a sleep-over with her. It was a blast. My youngest sister is hysterical and she was in rare form that night. We laughed at her recollection of family memories until we cried.

Now I wonder why we haven't had another sleep-over. SOmeone doesn't need to be dying to do such fun things.




Sleep-over sounded like a good time with dying mom. Not sure we could ever do such a thing my mother (if she should contract a long-term illness) given her personality, language barriers, strained relationships with adult children (she likes to be always in control), etc. I dunno, maybe something like a big long slideshow movie with of our family photos over the decades,... while we all have popcorn (no, I think it would be dim sum).

come to think of it, maybe it IS something we should do during a happy mega family reunion barbecue next time...not wait until one is at death's doorstep.
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#143997 - 03/21/08 08:23 PM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: meredithbead]
orchid Offline


Registered: 01/21/07
Posts: 3675
Loc: British Columbia, Canada
Quote:

By popular demand: (Thank you Lola and Eagle Heart!)

One Month

If I found out I had one month to live,
What would I do that I’m not doing now?
Don’t want to die saying “coulda done, shoulda done”
Don’t want to die saying “coulda been, shoulda been.”
Like a potter at the wheel I take life and mould it
Touch clay, shape clay
Form it to vessel
Kiln dry, bisque fire, glaze and cool
Container of hopes and love and sorrow.
We can’t create earth
But we can turn the wheel
Caress the clay until we build
A pot of grace, amphora of strength
Capable of holding whatever life brings.

What would I do if I had one month to live?
I would love you completely
Attack life with a passion
Follow my dreams
And effect whatever is necessary to become the person I need to be.
I would actively seek happiness
Revel in joy
Strive for excellence
Create beauty.

What would I do if I had one month to live?
Everything I’m doing now.

© Meredith Karen Laskow
from my book "Galloping Words"




Thank you for this poem, meredith. I'm thinking of my friend now (I posted about her under Friends Heal Friends..it just occurred to me..she probably is dying very slowly.but she's not revealing anything to anyone because she is afraid herself. Naming or articulating the fact, makes it more real and painful for her. She admitted to me that was a reason why she did not return my polite emails for past 2 months. We talked abit about the "naming" the bad things one is experiencing which brings reality so much more closer and demands the person to confront the fear.

Now I feel sadder...I'm kinda of like her, when there's unpleasant truth, I tend not to name it ..for a long time.
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#143998 - 03/22/08 04:11 PM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: orchid]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
I have avoided this thread because of my feelings and how strange I may sound, but,I decided that I want to participate in this discussion and be open, and also, they ARE MY feelings!

I have long idolized death. Throughout my childhood, as hard as it was, I thought that death would finally solve all my problems. I still feel death is a gift, if you will, a pain free place to be where it has to be better than this where we live.

I know this sounds very depressive but I love my life. I have a good life. I have great friends, a good career, a family that although small, is loving and special. I have about all I want and if I want something, most of the time I can get it. I am educated, well traveled and love people.

Still, when my death comes I am more than ready. I feel that I will get there when it is time and when I do, it has it's own rewards.

There is terrible suffering in this world. So many in pain, so much to feel compassion for. It hurts me so very much to see this. I hurt when I watch society move towards more and more evil in their hobbies.

My best friend, a very respected shrink, says I am "about truth, beauty and art." If this is true, then it explains why the crude part of the earth, of the people, is so hard for me to suffer.

I have so much fun at times and I am known for my sense of humor by anyone who gets to know me. I do not want to speed up my death.

Still, when it gets here, and I am to go, I will go willingly into the light and will have waited for it for a very long time, since childhood!

Strange, maybe, but the only sadness for me about death is if anyone I love may be hurt by my passing.

Dancer
_________________________
http://www.annalisanews.com/

"Question your privilege"

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#143999 - 03/23/08 09:18 AM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: gims]
jabber Offline
Member

Registered: 02/17/05
Posts: 10032
Loc: New York State
gims,
I've seen "Christians" come to the end of life and cry. I never understood that. If they truly believed death was the beginning of eternity, then why the tears? I don't know.
I believe death is a transformation from the physical body to the spiritual body. I believe it's the end of pain, emotional torment, and heartache. I believe we pass into another realm, forever. I believe what the Bible says about it. But, I chose to believe this. gims, I've seen many, many sick people these past three years. It is a humbling experience. I've seen the very young, the very old and all ages in between. I could NOT withstand what I have, if I didn't believe as I do.

P.S. This is Easter Day. The Rev. Charles Stanley gave an excellent sermon on this very subject, this morning.


Edited by jabber (03/23/08 09:22 AM)

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#144000 - 03/23/08 11:02 AM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: jabber]
gims Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
jabber, I think it's the earthly side of Christians that fears death. How can one not be moved by the thought of missing what they've known for a lifetime (however short or long it was, however good or bad it was)? Crying is a good thing, I think. It releases emotions. Heck, those of us left behind often cry, too, why shouldn't the dying?

I look upon death as a shedding of a shell, a mortal part, something that was necessary to give us form to live this earthly life. To me, death is not so much a transformation, although change is involved, but more an emancipation. What gives our earthly form 'life' lives on. Death takes the body, but not 'us.'

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#144001 - 03/23/08 03:31 PM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: gims]
Mountain Ash Offline
Member

Registered: 12/30/05
Posts: 3027
It is interesting how we see death.

Today my dear friend and I spoke about the sudden death on Thursday of her husband.I have such admiration for this friend who has had so much sorrow in her life.Yet until now has been strong.
Three weeks ago her Mother died and then this happened out of the blue.
No matter what we all feel this woman is pole axed in grief.I also have a heavy heart.
Please pray for a sincere woman who is sad beond belief at not having some to care for.Her man was a quadripedic and needed all hours care.
Mountain ash

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#144002 - 03/23/08 03:58 PM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: Mountain Ash]
gims Offline
Member

Registered: 01/16/07
Posts: 3404
Loc: USA
MA, pass on our heartfelt condolences, please. How hard she must be having it. I am so sorry.

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#144003 - 03/23/08 04:11 PM Re: Can We Talk About Death? [Re: Mountain Ash]
dancer9 Offline


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 2411
Loc: Arizona
That is so sad and so hard, Mountain Ash.
I'm glad she has you.
Dancer
_________________________
http://www.annalisanews.com/

"Question your privilege"

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