My son lives a good hour drive away. He sees his daughter almost every weekend,( he stays at our house, for Anaiya's sake, instead of taking her home with him.) But his job requires travelling throughout Europe, so sometimes he can't make it. So far Anaiya doesn't get upset when my son leaves. But when her mother leaves it's just terrible.

I'm torn between Gims and Di's post. At first I had the same opinion like you Gims. But this so precious time, and how fast a child develops, is being missed by her parents. And then I ask myself repeatedly, like Di, What kind of mother can do that? I wouldn’t have done it for all the medals and money in the world.

Oh yes, Orchid,…I wonder too what will happen after the Olympics.

I have a nephew - my baby sister's son. My sister married a foreigner, one of the situations where he just wanted a green card. When he got what he wanted, and after beating her horribly, they divorced.
My sister became a single mom, with no education. She relied on my mom and dad to care for my nephew. At times, my sister was totally out of the picture for long lengths of time. My nephew loved my parents (his grands) and vice versa. AND he loved his mom - very much!!! The distances and the periods of separation didn't harm him. He had a stable home, a stable schedule, and caring substitute parents. My nephew (now in his twenties) and his mom are unbelievable close to this day.

This is food for thought. NOT a means of telling you what to do. I'm sure it could have gone the other way, given my parents fought, instead of accepted, the responsibility.

One more note: if Ana stayed with you, wouldn't it be just until the Olympics were over? Could periods of a week or two be carved out of DIL's training days? I hear Orchid so clearly about DIL using her window of health.
It saddens me that any of you have to make such choices over a sweet, literally helpless soul.
Can I have her? I have good references.

Hannelore, I've been there, exactly there.
I had one job, my career, singing and dancing and touring half of the year. I could not give up my career because my son and I needed the money I made. It was a lot of money and no one wanted me to give it up but I knew it was not healthy for my son to lose me to tour as much as I was.

I made the decision to only play the major cities of this country and in Europe and either take my son with a nanny or leave him with his father if I was to be gone a short time.

I had full custody of my son. His father spent a lot of time with him and was good that way but I wanted to be with my son. So, I hired a nanny but she only cared for him during actual rehearsals or performances. I would come from the gig and take my son into my hotel room so when he woke up I would be there. I traveled with my son to the next gig and stayed with him except for the next rehearsal, if there was one, and then came back to him until I performed.

I turned down interviews that would have made my fame rise so he could have a life and have me in it. I knew that I could sing and dance later but he only had one chance to be a baby and a toddler and a little boy. He knows that I sacrificed my career a bit for him because he wrote it in a paper once, I didn't think he knew.

His father might have told him.

She needs to be told before it's too late! I know how hard this is but I'm here to say that I had one child and kept working myself, alone, and another child, my second son whom I took with me and raised myself and my second son did better with me around! It just
has
to
be!
She must sacrafice and be told what can happen if she is not there to raise her son! With me, my first son was not raised by his father all that time well. I still had him a lot but his father had him more often and I should have been there. We are now fixing that together, he and I.

She must be told. NO ONE is more important than your child and you will REGRET it when your youth is behind you and you have no one but yourself to be close too!

It's SO tempting, the press, the lights, the cameras! I am so glad I saw it and changed what I was doing, I had a shrink tell me to put my baby on my hip and go WITH him!

I stopped touring except in the summer when they went to school. It just had to be.

Do you see, Hannelore? No one is more important than your child, not even fame.

Tell her what I said, I was there.

dancer

P.S. How do you pronounce the name?
Dancer

Wow, this is a tough one. This will be over by September, Hannelore? My first inclination would be for you to keep the baby and let her mom have her dream.

If you can all look at the positive aspects:

- Anaiya has your family; a very strong and stable presence in her life.

- How many opportunities do we get to really live our dreams, like her mother is doing?

- How would her mother feel if she gave it up and came home? I imagine resentful. She most likely feels very guilty right now, whether she displays it or not.

- Can you look at it as an opportunity to spend these very special years with your grandchild, forming a strong permanent bond?

- Can her husband understand how special this time is for his wife? If he had an olympic dream (or other passion that he wanted to go for), would the shoe be on the other foot?

I would imagine Anaiya can hear and sense the disruption in the family. Maybe if you and your son got on the same page to support your DIL through this special time, everyone will all be happier at the end. Kids are very resilient - she has you there consistently, and her mom and dad on some weekends, and she'll understand and be very proud of her mom in the years to come.... unless this breaks every one apart and loses the special meaning of having dreams come true.

I think you all need to look at the positive aspects of this adventure, and try to share the excitement with Anyaia. Kids of her age understand a lot more than we give them credit for.

Kathy

If she is an Olympic contender, then maybe the nanny is the way to go..
Dancer

I just read the part about your son's job. Sounds like he's not around much either. Why is he allowed to do his traveling for his job, and the mom is not allowed to do her traveling for her dream? Sounds like neither of them are able to be a full time parent right now. I think Anyaia needs you, and the more positive you can be through all of this, the better for everyone.

Despite her absences from the home because of what she does, your DIL must be a great Mom, Hannelore. It shows in the way Anaiya bonds with her in the short time they have together and how she is affected by separation therafter. What is also clear is that your concern shows love surrounds the little one in your home. I second Kathy and would suggest to look at the positive outcomes such as Gims' nephew's. It may well be that the circumstances follow in the same way. Surrounded by love, children bounce back. For the moment, until the Olympics is over, just be there for all three. As you have been all this time.

Anaiya is still sleeping, so I can steal away to visit with my friends. As usual you haven’t let me down, and filled me with valuable and thoughtful advice. I just love you gals so much for that.

Dancer, maybe if my DIL had a nanny with her from the start…maybe that would have been the best solution. But now in the middle of it, we would be disrupting Anaiya’s life again, because she would be more with the Nanny then with her mother. Another thing; my DIL sleeps in training camps. They are like dormitories, and I don’t know if that is so ideal; Maybe a week or month, but not for a year and a half.
Her name is pronounced; a-nye-a ( soft a’s)

Lola, you are right. My DIL is a wonderful mother. She has a radiance about her with her child, which is all encompassing. There is a strong bond between the two. It’s hard for me to understand my DIL’s feelings and her actions. They are at different poles.

I just thought I must be confusing you all terribly. First I post a big t-shirt fan thing for my DIL( ra ra ra)…and now I’m getting down on her. One day yahoo, and the other day phooey. It’s driving me a little nutty, but you gals are bringing me back on the track.

As usual, I’ll probably just roll with the tide. I’ve told my DIL what I think, and now it’s up to her if she wants to change anything.

Meanwhile Hubby and I love doing our best to bridge the time without her mommy. And the comforting thing is, I know Anaiya feels our love for her as well. You have all given me alot of food for thought. Thank you, thanky you, thank you.

Nope, you have not confused me at all, Hannelore. It's a natural thing to sometimes be on opposite poles with our children and their spouses when it comes to our grandchildren. Fret not! You're doing fine and Nye is very lucky to have you. As MIL's and mothers, we are the safety nets for the grandchildren when occasions call for it. I'm sure Nye appreciates where you're coming from and I am likewise certain that she is grateful for your support. In the meantime, we cheer for her and her team. How are the tees coming along?