Wow Humlan. You are certainly a new age woman. Or is it the Swedish influence? I know sex is as normal as breathing in Sweden. I still have problems with that. I sometimes have problems with breathing too. lol.

I wish I could take hormones, because I need them to lift my libido. But my heart reacted crazy,…even to the estrogen creams.

Just to give another perspective on this; it seems to me that maybe a lot of us are desperately clinging on to sex, thinking this is our fountain of youth. I like to think that letting nature take it’s course is a healthy way of acceptance. Of course I still sleep with my husband, but it’s for love’s sake and not for sex sake.

I respect your openness, humlan. And in a way I envy you for that. I’m still rather inhibited, at least compared to you. As to women our age finding sexual relationships with each other;…well, that’s the first time I heard of that. I can speak only for myself, but I think if you have never had lesbian tendencies, you won’t have them in old age either. No way.

Do you take estrogen or is your attitude doing all this for you? Oh, and as for aging bodies? My body (other than a bit too many bulges) looks younger than my face and hands,…so that can’t be the problem.

Does anyone else have suggestions as to how to raise the libido, other than taking estrogen? Gee, maybe I’m not completely at that acceptance level after all.

I had to go off estrogen due to my breast cancer. Now I'm drinking soy milk for it's plant estrogen properties and occasionally use estrogen cream. Libido is such an individual issue as to why or why not. For me, it's all in my mind literally. Over my lifetime when I felt it fading I had to go to work on it along with my husband. I picked up a great book or two of erotica and read it s-l-o-w-l-y I thought "sex" a lot. My current husband can get my libido up like a 20 yearold! LOL! He starts hours earlier...for instance, yesterday we were still working with the ice, snow and water in his garage...while it rained. Very frustrating and NOT very romantic. He winked at me from across the yard and puddles off and on, he'd sneak up behind me and smother the back of my neck with kisses, he told me he loved me, we put on our fun tropical Jimmy Buffett music and sang together (and danced) ankle deep in the cold garage water (!!) he thanked me for my help, later in the house he touched me arm whenever I walked by....do you know what I mean? Sex was the last thing on my mind on Monday morning as I faced the day. A good lover knows how to start the wooing process hours, even days before. And guess what...by the time 10 pm rolled around the candles were lit in the bedroom and we were having a grand old time. Basically, it takes two playful people, lots of non rushed time. Hey, it's a fact that men can have an on and off switch while women need to warm slowly. If I know that's what my aim is I focus on it in a variety of ways for hours beforehand.

Can I send my Hubby over to yours for lessons? I mean the long foreplay thing...just being sweet and lovey dovey all day. You are so right Ladyjane. That is ultra important for me too. Gonna browse through Amazon tonight and see what interesting literature I can find. heh heh.

Lady Jane, I know what you mean. My husband is very attentive all day long. I love that about him. He is a romantic. It's funny, given his career, but it's him! That's one thing I don't have to worry about!
dancer

Oh! There is an old Italian saying that means, "Marriages are made and broken in bed." LOL

OK girls,

A short talk on ingredients.

Ahem. Baby oil and Vaseline are petroleum by-products.

Who wants to put refined petroleum on their private parts? Not me. Not even on my not so private parts!

Dotsie!!!!!!

A quick answer, Hannelore..I think Sweden has taught me alot over my years here..yes. And then..personal experience and men that I have had the pleasure and honor to know..among them my x-husband,too.

I do take estrogen gel..daily. I had to way back because my periods were FLOODS and nothing less. Another story..another time..my problem was probably genetic. So maybe I do get some help there? I don´t know..but I think alot of it is Sweden and life...

I agree that we shouldn´t force ourselves to have ANY kind of attitude about anything, including sex and love making. But I also think that making love can be better than an therapist or a stress coach..I am NOT making light of anything here..both professions are very very needed..I just mean that making love can be so helpful if we take away all thoughts of doing it "well" or good enough..if we just enjoy a looong cuddle with our partner and let the good enzymes flow..and the feeling of being close to someone..really close..take over our bodies and souls...

Well, my bod has alot bulges..flabby..vericose veins like grapes on my legs..swollen knees..you get the picture..but there´s always mellow light I envy you there, Hannelore.

Health stores seem to have stuff for the libido..or so they say..then there are movies of all sorts..and I don´t just mean porn..not at all..romantic movies..and music..maybe reggae..slow reggae??

Hannelore, we are free ladies..ok, I have grandkids too and an 18 yr old wall to wall..but you know what I mean? Can´t we have some "fun" when we can finally have it without all the if´s and but´s??? I don´t know...

HUGS! HUGS! HUGS! of friendship to you..

I haven't read this whole thread. Not sure if I even feel comfortable ...revealing much.

Orchid, when you think about it, there isn't more revealed in this thread than in any ordinary Oprah show or lady's magazine. I got to admit, I had to jump over my own inhibitions too, but we are cognito ...so who cares. I think humlan and a few other ladies here have a matter of fact natural attitude about sex. There is nothing wrong with that. I've learned a couple of things; … and that at my age!

Danita, sorry girl.

When we sold our boat, the guy who bought it said he'd never seen so many bottles of baby oil. We giggled and assumed he thought we used it to sun.

I think that if we focus more on pleasing our men, they might take notice and want to do the same. Be intentional! Take interest. Say sweet things. Do little, thoughtful things that they'll notice like buttering their toothbrush, rubbing their backs, snuggling up while watching TV, greeting them at the door, kissing them hello and goodbye, etc.

Maybe we should begin a list of nice things we can do for them, and then in a month, see if it's made a difference. It doesn't always have to begin with them. It can begin with us.

Just thinking out loud here.

Thoughts?

Buttering his toothbrush? Aack, I don't even want to know more about that one!

You're right, Dotsie. There have been times in my relationship where it seems to get stale. We ignore each other, do our own things, only talking when we need to deal with bills and kids. Then one of us will start making an extra effort to be nice, or friendly, or helpful, and you can't keep from being nice back. It's a good feeling, and important to make the effort to stay close.

K