Just want to thank you guys again...

Considering things that are going in the last couple of days, I'm really wondering where that 'need a drink' feeling went. In the past it seems like the littlest thing would set that off & I'd be drunk in no time.
I had the hardest therapy session yet on Monday, meaning we dug in underneath this wall of anger that I guess I'd been using as a coverup for so much pain & sadness. And man I'd SOOO rather be pissed off. And had a panic attack during a relaxation exercise (go figure) & never really had panic attacks before.....Then later that night I went through a kinda/sorta breakup, not really even sure if that's the right name to give it but just saying I lost my friend doesn't even come close to conveying the depths of it.
I guess I'm just not sure why I'm not wanting a drink now & is it going to come up & bite me in the ass sometime when I least expect it. I know I've been mostly pretty numb so far, with little episodes of sadness mingled in. I dont know, maybe this is something I'm worrying about that I dont really need to stress over right now...But I guess it's also good to be aware...Dont know. A little lost right now I guess.