Orchid, I am on the same planet, but it took light years to get there. I grew up in an Italian patriarchal family, with generations of women passing down the fact that women were there to serve the men, because men were the more able bodied, and able to get work to support the family. As a child, I was slapped on the knuckles for going for a celery stick in the center of the table, before my uncle had the chance to get his. I could go on and on... I always do. When I met my husband, I was pleased to see that he did his own laundry, and owned an iron, ironing board, and vacuum. He could make coffee! I'd not seen this before, and I was 30 years old. However, my standards of clean were not the same as his. During our early years of marriage, I did all the housework, including his laundry and ironing his shirts. On my two days off, I spent one cleaning the apartment, ironing, etc. The next day off I might treat myself to shopping, or with a girlfriend. Then I noticed that on his days off, he spent each day entertaining himself. One day he would play racquetball, the next he'd play golf...listen to music, watch movies. However, he's a great cook, and did all the cooking. When I had cancer, he had to do the vacuuming and ironing, I could not even wipe a counter. He said he'd try to rise to my standards of clean than to have me lower mine. Now we share the household duties, and he still does the cooking if/when he can. He has even learned to pick up after himself, including candy wrappers. One more story, ok? I would vacuum the stairs where ever we lived. It was part of the weekly chores, dragging the vacuum up and down the stairs. I'd ask him to do it and he would not say "no" he would just "forget" so I'd end up doing it anyway. Again, during cancer, I could not handle the vacuum. I asked him to vacuum the stairs, and he did it, huffing and puffing about what an "odios" (odious) task it was. And I'd been doing it for 18 years. Now he does it whenever I ask. The one thing is that he cannot read my mind, so I have to be very specific.