I am going to put my 2 bits in..but from another point of view. I get hurt because I DON´T show my "me". When I want to make a point and perhaps be quite definite about it, I find myself instantly showered with inner questions like: how can you be sure that you are right?; there are always other ways of looking at things; well, she/he is young and they have a right to his or hers black and white way of seeing things or they haven´t got that much experience yet, etc etc. These inner questions make even tongue tied sometimes and I almost stutter when I talk. My 17 yr old son can comment on this and say, "Mom, I hate when you start talking like that. Just get it out. Tell me what you want to tell me. I can take it." I don´t think I was like this when I was younger. I have become like this in my later years. I am 60 now. I have done some very stupid and hurtful things in my life that have humbled me quite alot. I am not that sure of how things should be anymore. But I do want to be able to give a clear impression of myself because I do think about things alot. I have been thru alot, too. I guess the toughest was the death of my little girl.

ANYWAY..Dancer and Orchid..you seem to be strong women that can show the world that you ARE strong. Maybe I am asking you..what is your secret. How do you do it? How do quiet all the questions that one has about life after living it for quite sometime. Or don´t you have so many questions? My partner asked me recently.."Why do you surrender/back off/give up? You are right practically all the time..and yet you relent. Why?" This question had to do with my job situation. I work with kids and my collegues are a little over 20 yrs old with no formal education in the field and no children or relationships of their own..yet. I have worked with kids since 1973. Have 5 of my own and have studied psychology. Having lost my little girl..well, it have given me another way to look at children and life..and yet I back down and get all broken up when we have word battles at work about how to deal with our problem children.

I would sooo like to be able to project my "wisdom" won by pain, joy and experience with a kind of certainty. You women seem to have that. I don´t want to close the door to my young colleagues..because their youth has alot to offer me and the kids we work with. But sometimes when I back down, I even feel that I am letting the kids down. They deserve what I sincerely believe they need.

This thought can also be carried over to my own kids who are now adults and 2 of them have families of their own. They need a mother who can set boundaries for herself an others..and who knows what she wants and doesn´t want. I think they need this. But then the inner questions come up..2 of my kids (ages 27 and 31)have been in therapy since I divorced their father in the year 2000. They are very very critical of me and their father. I have allowed them to be so, thinking they needed to get it all out..but am now finding that enough is enough.