Things at work just got worse, as of this morning.

I will probably have to resign. My supervisor won't get off of my back.

I'm getting ready to send some "feelers" out.

I need to work, or I will get depressed. Also, when I am working, I have less problems with John. If I am bringing money in, he respects me more.

But, I am 59 and believe me, there is age discrimination.

I want to stay in my field and the choices are limited. But,there are some choices.

I called John at work, yesterday, and told him how it makes me feel when he ignores me, when he won't even hold my hand.

He says he will change. He helped me deep-clean the kitchen this past Sunday, after we fought.

I want to discuss things; he wants to have arguments. I told him that I am refusing to argue with anyone at this time in my life. I am more than willing to sit down and discuss, hash things out - so to speak - but I won't get involved in screaming matches with anyone, anymore.

This is the new me. One that has arisen from the pits. I guess therapy has worked.

My sister was talking to me very rudely on the phone this past Sunday morning. I told her that I wasn't going to let anyone talk to me - yell, I mean - at me, anymore.

She and John and through most of my life - my mother - start talking in what I can only discribe as "cartoon like" voices when they get angry. It's like a little child going "nah, nah, nah." That's the only way I can describe it.

That's why I know it's a control issue. Because I've run all of the above by at least three, different therapists.

My mother was emotionally abuse toward me for almost all of my life. I think she hates me because I figured it out -- and they had to get married because of me.

My father never admitted that they had to get married, but he did sit with me and my first psychiatrist and say, "for some reason, she never liked her."

Ouch in the gut.

cont. do to time out issue

Emily