Danita, I can't really add anything more than what Chatty has said. Your son is taking everything in from both sides but he will be back. That's the best advice...what Chatty said.

Quote:

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So, my first instinct... - is to walk away from my relationship..... But the intuitive side says, "stay in the game - keep loving ... from afar - some day it will pay off".

This has gotten so ugly.

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OMG How strange that you would put these very words out today - I so needed them - even though circumstances are different, the thought applies!!!!OMG

I'll add a big ol' "HANG IN THERE," truth and justice prevails! (? ?)

And, I 3rd what chatty said... but add: always make your words and actions come from the heart and not from another place, i.e. negating or trumping ex's words and actions

Danita,

Sorry to hear about your loss. I've been off this site for some time due to way to much workload.

I got switched from my site to another and am going through lots of feelings of loss. I'd made friends with parents and now, well, gone.

Loss hurts. I guess it's much the same as grieving.

I've been through a divorce, also. I was very young, but still felt as though I'd never have a "normal" life.

Guess it doesn't matter how old you are or how long you've been married. Eagle and Chatty are so right.

Do something really good for yourself every single day.

Blessings
Emily

I did something nice for MYSELF, I called and spoke to Danita for awhile the other evening. I could just picture her beautiful eyes sparkling when she laughed. I felt so happy myself to hear her laugh and sound so positive even though she is having to put up with so much from the ex...

Sometimes just writing to someone on the forum isn't enough. I would call others as well if I knew the numbers. I remember when ill awhile back, I got a call from Dee, total shock and we had a wonderful conversation. I have also gotten a call or two from JJ, when it seemed I really needed to hear from someone...
The Boomers have been been my family of choice on many occassions...

I don't remember when, I can't even remember if it was before or after my brother died...but I definitely remember the amazing phone call - I picked up the phone one evening and almost fell off my chair when I heard Dotsie and JJ on the other end! They had just decided to call to say hi. I was too thrilled and stunned to say anything too intelligent or meaningful, but have that phone call - and the thoughtfulness behind it - tucked away in my heart where it continues to warm me. That phone call was more of a gift than either one of those women could imagine.

chatty, I also had the pleasure of speaking iwth Danita yesterday. I love her spirit!

Eagle, I remember that well. Georgia was visiting for the first time and we were thinking of you, so I picked up the phone and you were there! It was sweet!

Dotsie, I hate not remembering when it was, especially since it was so precious to me. I'm having serious brain fog these days and this past year is mostly a foggy blur...do you remember when it was?

Oh I want to speak with everyone! And even more, I hope to meet some of you one day....what fun that must be!

lola i always love the way you always always talk about your ex with such respect and understanding,Still what hurt you must have felt, but we all end up facing the surrender and move to acceptance. That always impresed me about you, can bring me close to tears too. Think it was second reason why we got frendlie.


As for the other two ministers ladies who cheated, somhow it seems much worse when theirs more faith and trust that such men won't cheat, mabie fall for someone else, perhapps, just perhapps but not cheat.
Danita, i always love you poping in and out now and again with little updates and especillie wen that new frendship with your new man started, that was just hartwarming. I beat you bring that hart warmth to manie of the ladies heer.

chattie your a scallie with your attitudee to men it always makes me giggle, i have just read about the melting of bits of your last hubbie verie funnie.

Seriouslie isnet just thse times that this type of pain can so easilie reare its head and overwhelm, its reallie cool to read you all bounding and sharring your feelings.
I got a call yesterday from a boomer ladie, i had companie but couldn't resiste a wee chat even if it was a bit rude to my companie. The call was " a problem shared is a problem half" type call, i reallie appricated it. Ther some reall sweetness about heer at times, and a lot of fun and carrie-on lol thank goodness.

DANITA are you gonna start the storie thing you done last yr were we all had to jointlie make a storie with onlie a few lines each and see weer it took us, it was fun. R u gonna, eh!

I just wanted to put in my two cents about this. I have been divorced for ten years now and the healing is all done.
I remember my first Christmas on my own. It was terrible. On Christmas morning my ex came to the door to collect my three children. The two youngest were 3 and 2. He brought his girlfriend (the one he cheated with) and off they went. I still remember the little ones with their teddies getting in the car with her. I felt so empty and betrayed. That Christmas day I spent all alone watching old movies and feeling sorry for myself. I could have gone to my parents but didn't as I was so down.

The next year though I spent the day at the Salvation Army feeding the homeless and every Christmas since I have kept busy with friends or volunteering.

My memories are faded and I bare no hard feelings for the ex. He has had many girlfriends since and has even had another child and has step children. Each time he has a new girlfriend they are so nice to my kids trying to win them over. I have had to bite my tongue off to not say anything when my kids talk about how nice they are. They don't do that anymore as the relationships don't last very long. Although they love their Dad and so they should, they know what he is like. I remember my daughter wanting to give his girlfriend a Christmas present. She didn't want to ask her Dad as he never gives them money. Yes I've even bought Christmas presents for him and his girlfriend of the moment and even her kids because my kids don't like to go over on Christmas empty handed. The ex has never done that for me but it doesn't matter. I want my kids to learn the joy of giving, to be generous even if it is with my money now. The lesson is learned and that's all that counts.

My divorce and the pain of it is a distant memory and I am thankful for that. Time does heal.

I just hope it heals for what I am going through now with the loss of my Dad. This is huge for me and every day has been a struggle. I know in time it will get better, but at the moment it is so painful.

Here's to all the single, separated and newly divorced women. It will get better. And just keep loving your kids no matter what the situation is at the moment. Things can change and they often do. Nothing stays the same. When your kids grow up they will remember how you were always there for them. Don't give up hope.
Kate