My son will be 21 in January. He moved out last fall to live with friends, then he moved out from there and into an apartment with his girlfriend, then she moved out and he's trying to pay for everything himself.

He chose not to go to college (aargh!) so when he lived at home he was working and we had him pay his own car insurance and a couple of hundred dollars a month in rent. Then he got a job with Sprint and started paying his own cell phone bill.

So once he moved out, he was already used to paying lots toward his own upkeep. However, he now is thinking about getting a second job because he bought an expensive car and has that payment plus high insurance rates due to a bad ticket he received last year.

It's very difficult for me to not send money every month to help him out. But once he bought his car (a 2000 BMW with just 70,000 miles ) I figured he needed to learn on his own. I mean, geeze, even I don't have a BMW! What was he thinking?

I did just buy him a suit for his upcoming job interviews - he's applied to be on the LAPD force. And if I come up with extra money, sometimes I'll send him a little - but I've told him not to count on it.

Dotsie, my best friend is going through that with her daughter right now. It's tough, isn't it? But they have to learn sometime. If he's working, he needs to be on his own. If he hasn't found a job yet, I'd give him a deadline.

Good luck!!
Kathy