Char222, I am also a Char, short for Charleen but in here they just call me Chatty...I too am a widow. I lost two husbands in my lifetime. Its hard, one of the hardest things we women left behind must face, BUT believe me it does get better. We never forget but we do survive and go on. Have faith and know that there is something special coming to you one day, you've already found BWS.

Chatty....I'm Charlene (I've seen so many spellings!) too! When I was younger my friends always called me Charlee - I used to really like it....who knows, maybe I'll go back to it now as I try to find a new "normal" in life.
I'm so encouraged by you -- two such losses -- you must be a very special and strong lady. Thanks so much!.

She is!

Char - I was widowed at 23 and wandered around in a fog for quite awhile. Even after remarrying and having children - there was always that little "nag" inside. Then a few years back we lost our 23 yr old son, and I looked at life (and death) totally differently.

Now I'm probably going to sound like a space cadet - but hey - it works for me

What would you be doing this morning if your husband was still "physically" with you? What advise would you be asking from him today? What do you think he would tell you? He's still listening and he's still right there with you. What you have with your husband can't be interrupted by "death".

All the books I read and Hospice's counselers talk about death like it's the "END" -- but if you believe there's a heaven and you believe that God is watching over you and listening to you, then why is it so hard to believe that our loved ones aren't standing right there next to you too? Supporting you, guiding you, loving you just as much as they were when physically standing right there with you. Why don't we look at death as a NEW BEGINNING?

I miss the physical touch of my son when he hugged me each morning but I still feel his presence everywhere and it makes me smile. I look at the clouds and sunsets and baby birds in a totally different light now. I have an inner peace that I've never known before - because I know that I'm never alone - even when there's no one physically around me. I have to "share" God with everyone else, but my son is always there "just for me"

I believe that our loved ones "beyond" are always trying to reach us - but they can't "break through" any negativity - and grief is one of the strongest negative emotions we will ever experience. It can take us down so deeply that one wonders if we will ever find our way out of the darkness.

So what works for me is --

I get up every morning and walk outside with my dogs and say "Goodmorning Robert" - "What a beautiful day" -- even if its stormy and raining -- it's a beautiful day -- because I know God and my loved ones are watching over me.
I live my life to make them (God and Robert) proud. I try new things - it doesnt matter if I "succeed" at it -- I'm never a failure because I TRIED

I don't have time in my life for saddness and grief anymore. What good does it do? It won't bring my son back and allowing all those dark emotions in my heart won't allow me to "see" and "feel" -- and since that's all I can have until I join up with him in heaven one day - I simply say STOP IT -- MOVE ON when those waves of grief try to roll over me.

Now I realize that we're talking about your spouse, your soul mate, the love of your life -- and not my child, but grief is grief -- and everyone's grief is personal -- so whatever may help -----------

So here's my daily recipe -- you take a little bit of this and a little bit of that -- add a pinch of memories and common sense -- a tsp of silliness -- roll it up and pat it out and while it slowly bakes -- let the relaxing aroma seep deep into your soul ----

Then make this morning the first day of the rest of your life

Carolyn

lionspaaw...

Thank you for sharing that encouraging advice...there's something in it for all of us!

Char
this forum has many wonderful women who have experienced life.
Think o the positives...list them and read them daily.Your children settled in different places....can you visit them and share time.Another thing is New York will have galleries and museums where you can focus on the arts. Put your make up on do your hair and I am sure you will meet others doing the same.
You speak of not having a degree ..is there an area that attracts you...its never to late to study .It can be whatever lies in your heart.Tracing family roots or joing a readers circle.
Keep in touch and let us know how you are..
Mountain ash

Char22,
I'm so happy to see you in here again! You've come to the right place for friends to lean on and for hearts to open up and share. Course you've already seen that, haven't you? Isn't it grand?

Keep us posted on your progress and let us know what's up with your new "normal," won't you? And don't forget to do something totally out of character. Why not? What do you have to lose?

I took a cake decorating class. Okay, so maybe I was the first woman in the history of cake decorating classes to flunk out, but so what? And I truly did not mean to knock that woman's cake off the table. I swear it. Even if she did say my frosting sucked. I may not be able to make that stupid frosting just right, but when it comes to making roses, you want me on your team.

Do something. Do anything. But make sure it makes you smile.

Sending hugs, JJ

Wow....you guys are great!!! I have been so encouraged by you that I have just volunteered to usher at a local theatre for the season - I get free tickets after I do four shows and have already invited a friend to see the production of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. I've been "playing around" on the computer trying to learn more - OK I admit I did something and the thing froze - had to call my son-in-law in North Carolina for help but I feel so much better not letting this thing intimidate me!! Also put my name in to host at the Hampton Film Festival...hope I get chosen! I'm trying to take it one step at a time so things don't seem so overwhelming - my children being so far away is really hard but I'm trying to put it in perspective that probably I'm not the only mother who has no children living near her. Thanks to all of you for your encouraging thoughts.
Lionspaaw...So sorry for your losses...I too believe my Husband is near me always and believe it or not he has given me "signs" to let me know he's near. My husband always told everyone his luckiest number was 222 because out first date was Feb. 22. I can't tell you how many times when I have been upset or even happy about something special that 222 will show up somewhere - its been on a wall, or on the digital clock, a license plate, a grocercy receipt, etc. We had always wanted to take my kids and grandchildren to Disney in Florida - last year we all went and I was feeling a little low inside that my husband wasn't with us physically as we were entering Epcot. Suddenly my son said, "mom, look up on the monorail standion" There it was - 222!!! It really brought a smile to my face. Your reply helped me to remember this - thanks for putting the smile back on my face!!

Love to all!
Char

And you put a smile on my face with the 222. How cool is that? I know a woman who ushers at the Lyric and she gets to see all the shows for free. She loves it. WHat a great thing for you to do.

Now that you are fishing around online, you may want to google soemthing like widows in Long Island, NY just to see if anything that interests you comes up. You never know. There may be a group of women already meeting.

Lion, I know this is the month Robert died, right? I'll be thinking of you and praying you see a few butterflies soon.