You are so right. It is a fine line for parents.
You don't want to turn them away totally, but dealing with their addict behaviour is heartbreaking and also frustrating all at the same time. My son was a bully and very abusive so it was really hard to deal with him.

For some reason I would know, when to help him and when not too. I learned this over years of making mistakes.

Lost in the process, that is how I was until I joined a parenting group for acting out teens. It took me so long to go to these meetings but they saved me big time.

Also Naranon meetings. I did not like going to these because everyone was usually in crisis, but the pamphlet on letting go was invaluable. Also realizing that it is a disease and they don't have power over it nor do we.

I shut the door on him when he used drugs but told him if he every wanted help, I would be there for him.

I told him I would have to love him from afar until he got help, but that I would always love him (that is the key). They need to know that you will be there for them or these loose hope. He went to treatment many times over the years. All five times he lasted a week or less. This time is different though as he completed the treatment (three months) and graduated from the program. You have to stay away from your home town and old friends, and you have to go to a supportive living set up for addicts for at least a year to break old habits. So far this is what my son is doing and it is working.
Kate

(one day, I will write this out as I know I have invaluable information that would help others. In the meantime if anyone knows of someone that could use some help, let me know)