katebcca,
I was glad to see your son was back in treatment! Never give up, so long as he isn't...and he isn't! I wish him and you, the very best and keep you in my thoughts.

You are so strong through out this ordeal. You are an example to others, and could be a great help to anyone in similar circumstances!

Dancer9

He really enjoys science fiction and stuff like Lord of the Rings. Lots of action as he gets bored easily.

We've always had lots of animals and I have saved birds, squirrels etc. I nursed two crows back to health, not at the same time. He has always been around animals and loves dogs and cats. I also had a horse at one time. He did volunteer at an animal shelter many years ago for only for a short time.

Right now he is focusing on his treatment. Down the road I'm sure he will look into finding his passion.

I just sent him the book A New Earth, and I hope he gets something out of this as I sure did.
Kate

Good for him and good for you Kate.

I'm thinking that when he gets this behind him, working at a vet's office, or with Outward Bound might suit him. I'll pray that he meets someone who will encouarge him on the right path when he finishes rehab. It would be great if an adult would take an interest in him and mentor him - someone other than family.

Things are going well. My son graduates from the treatment centre end of this month. Hard to believe, it went by so fast, probably not for him though. There are 50 guys and as you can imagine that would be hard to take. Many of them are still using so my son finds the living situation difficult. Many of the new guys don't last more than a week so there are always new people coming and going. Not easy.

He seems to have matured quite a bit this time around. They added some new counselling programs and he has opened up quite a bit and is working on healing from his past.

One thing I wish I had of known, and would love to pass on to others in my situation aside from never giving up on them. What I learned is that relapse is part of the process. I really didn't know this. I actually expected treatment to work the first time around and wondered why he relapsed all of the time. Relapsing is part of the journey to becoming sober, they get stronger each time. I put all my hope into him not using each time when it was a given that he would. I have learned more this time around.


He was going to get an apartment and I was hoping he would change his mind but didn't say anything. (I have to stay out of his life, let him make his own choices) I spoke with him last night and he was so happy that he has found a really good recovery house. He says it's the best place for him now and he admits he needs the support.

Just wanted to share.
Kate

I will keep him in my prayers Kate, that he has a true and lasting recovery....

kate, thanks for sharing. I have a friend going through an addiction problem with a child. I will share with her your thoughts on relapse because it's happening.

Some people recover and make counseling part of their lives. Perhaps he will do that so he is always surrounded by people who are trying to stay clean?

Kate, you simply amaze me how you stand your ground each time, yet offer the support he needs, within you limits. You are truly a good mom. I hope you realize this.

I pray that this time is HIS time. Please keep us posted on his progress and know that we are in your corner, and his!

It may sound weird but I do not pray that this will be HIS time. I do know where you are coming from though Jawjaw and appreciate your prayers.

I felt like this at one time. My son sent me the AA book and asked me to read it. It is the one he reads, not the one for family or friends of the addict. It made his journey much more clear to me. Relapse is a part of the journey. It would be great if it wasn't, but it is what it is. He has spent 7 long years addicted to drugs and has only seriously started on the journey to sobriety for the past year or so. Before that he just did it to please me, get me off his back, go along with his court order etc.

It is so important that we (the parents) understand that nothing we can do will make them stop. I made mistakes, I kept telling him to change, I got angry with him, I tried everything but all this did was make him more hard on himself. He felt unaccepted.

If I were to do it over again I would still do the tough love thing, still ask him to leave my house. But, I would be much more supportive emotionally. I would not judge him.
I would not lose my patience with him or get angry. This does more harm than good. While I was trying to help him, I was in fact not helping him.

Now, I just accept, be non judgemental, encourage him and believe in him. Tell him that he is smart and that he will figure it out.

His counsellor told me that my son is a follower. Due to the drugs he has no idea of who he is. He has no sense of self. He encourages him to rely on himself, make his own choices. This is the only way he will start to believe in himself and stop listening to everyone else, including me.

I am now enpowering him rather than constantly giving him advice and asking him to change. This is working out much better.

Oh how I wish I had known all of this years ago. I do hope my experience helps your friend Dotsie, and anyone else who is reading this.
Kate