The books that I have been talking about are

"Boudaries" By Townsend and Cloud
"Boudaries for Kids" By Townsend and Cloud

Great books!

Here is a link to an Ask Dutchy post I did where I actually used a quote from one of the books.
Ask Dutchy, practical ideas and support for helping the elderly with Alzheimer's Disease http://askdutchy.mycarelink.net/2005/06/mom-has-alzheimersdifficulties-with.html

These books are extremely helpful on all sorts of levels. I guess what I am trying to say is that the guidance these books give can be applied to a wide range of situations.
My Care Link Helpful Books and Resources http://mycarelink.net/resource_material.php