Well, I have never had kids of my own, but have helped out with TONS of them belonging to family and friends ("helped out"--read they have lived with my hubby and I, etc.). My father is almost 79 and very vital and active, Mom died about 5 years ago and my hubby died almost 4 years ago. Anyway, my mother and husband were both very ill at the same time and dying. It was all I could do to function. If I was with her, I felt I was betraying him and vice versa. Couple that with the fact that I was the ONLY relief that my father had to get away for a few hours from his nursing care for Mom, and I was a major basket case. There is no finite answer to your dilemma, and definitely not one that will make you happy. Whatever you do, you will feel pulled in the opposite direction. And yes, it will make you very unhappy. My biggest fear these days concerns the fact that I am helping out with elderly (in their 80's and 90's) great-aunts and uncles that have never had children and have, virtually, noone. My father is very involved with them also, and they aren't even his blood relatives! Anyway, I keep thinking about what's going to happen IF I live a long life like them. I am not scared, but concerned about the future for an old, lone woman with nobody to call in a crisis. I know that sounds selfish, but it still is niggling away in the back of my mind. Everyone is always telling me that the kids I helped out with will help me if and when I need it, but I see how they are already out on their own and don't call even to say hello, much less to see if I might need anything. It's just another thing to stick in the worry basket and try not to panic about. Life is tough, and don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise. Not a day goes by that I don't yearn for my childhood again, so that I could just not be worried about anything for a while....