Emy, time to find another therapost. I'm sorry, but empathy must come from therapists at times like this.

You mentioned the end of the school year being a tough time last year. Do you want to discuss things you can do this summer so you will have a few fun things to look forward to? Is it best for you to hav a routine for your summer days? I'm happy to help.

Dr. Bob would do anything to help me when I needed it. What would it hurt for you to sit in the waiting room and why is this woman biting her nails like that?

I'd search until I found the right one and ask people you know who might have had a great therapist. What about a reference from a medical, online site that lists counselors who deal in your problem area?

Ladies,

I went backwards this week. I stayed in bed all today. I have to get in tomorrow.

I think my new therapist might have made me worse.

Can this happen?

I've been having lots of obsessive thoughts. That's what wore me out. She told me to talk back to them or only allow me to concentrate on them for an hour a day. This didn't work for me.

So, since I've been feeling so good, I just stayed home today and slept.

I am so disappointed with myself.

Emily

Emily, I am also having a 'disappointed with myself day'. Just remember that it is quite normal for everyone to feel that way sometimes.

It is a feeling...and I/we have to find some way to overcome that feeling.

I am going to get dressed and go out so I can concentrate on something good coming my way. I too feel like sleeping but we just cannot give up. Please, you do the same. Get ready and go out somewhere even for an hour.

I truly believe that your therapist is not the one for you and you should look into finding another soon.

Emily, please join me in taking a break from our feelings. It can't do any harm and who knows what the day will bring. I will report back later tonight and hopefully you'll do the same.

What you say? Is it a date? I'm giving you a little push....c'mon let's go take on the day. Please...for us.

Blessings friend,
Andria

Emily,

I woke up thinking about you this morning. I've been following your post and think of you often. In regards to your therapist and her somewhat unusual behavior, there's one thing that stands out to me.

When she talked about having to go to therapy in order to charge the fees for what she does, it made me think about believing in yourself.

We were talking about the Law of Reciprocity last night in a teleclass I'm taking. Basically it says that when you share your gifts, you must receive soemthing of equal value in return.

So whether it's money for the work that you do or love for the love that you do or whatever, something has to come back to you or you get out of balance. Think about relationships where you give and give and never get back and how draining that is.

The hard part for many of us, and I think Boomer women especially have a hard time with this, is receiving the gift that is coming back to us--whether it's money or love or whatever--because we were raised to be martyrs in a way. We were rasied to selflessly give.

What happens with that over time is that we begin to believe that we aren't worthy of receiving in some way. Then it becomes a big bug-a-bo and we get angry and that isn't acceptable either and we get depressed. (I know there are many biochemical contributors to depression that have nothing to do with emotions.)

My come away from all of this is that we have to come to a place where we can BELIEVE that we DESERVE to receive in return for what we give to the world and then to allow that good--whether money, smiles, love, kind words, etc.--to flow to us. And this takes time and practice to change our beliefs.

My second comment is that maybe you haven't gone backwards...maybe you've made some progress. Confronting that mean ugly 'voice' can be exhausting. It's almost like doing physical battle. So don't be so hard on yourself for needing a day of rest...just continue to move forward.

I certainly agree that you need to find a therapist that you are totally comfortable with and I know that there is one!

Blessings and smiles to you!

Andria and Jane,

Thank you ever so much for answering my post.

And Jane, thank you for telling me that this is a hard thing to do, I mean, "confronting the ugly voice." I thought I'd go in to that therapist and wham, it would all be gone. I think you are right. Maybe just talking about my whole experiences has triggered those ugly thoughts again.

It is so exhausting -- for me, at least -- to change those voices.

One of my biggest problems with the new therapist is that she can only see me twice a month. This isn't enough for me right now. Also, the other things too make me think she's not right for me.

Will be seeing Dr. Spear this Sat. He says he has the name of a good cognitive therapist. She's right here in Silver Spring. He wants to talk with her first. He doesn't think the one I have at church is a good match for me, at all.

I'm just hoping that this new lady takes my insurance and is taking new patients.

I am so disappointed in myself for this backslide. Hope it ends really fast.

Andria, I just couldn't go anywhere yesterday. I'm going to my regular Dr. today because I have spots on my tonsils. Maybe I'm actually sick and this is making me feel even more lazy. I usually just push myself, even if I'm running a temp. But I just couldn't do that yesterday and then the spots appeared this morning. We'll see.

Love you all,
Emily in Maryland, who is trying with good help and suggestions from the ladies on this board

Praying today is a better day. Go easy on yourself. Perhaps something viral was working on you yesterday. Try to get outside today, even if it's just to soak up some of the sunshine. It's good for us.

Thank you Dotsie, for the sunshine advice. I went to the DR. and I do have strep, so I'm on antibiotics and have been sleeping most of the day.

I'm going to make myself go to work tomorrow. Maybe I can help just one little child feel better about himself. Or, a worn out parent.
I was just looking at how many people on this board have been helping me. It chokes me up.

Again, I'm praying for the day when the good days will last so that I can help all of you, if needed.

I'm trying to post on other places on this site. I'm trying to act normal thinking that maybe then I'll feel normal.

If anyone else has any suggestions, I'm all ears. I cann't wait to find out if the cognitive therapist that Dr. Spear finds takes my insurance and has time to take me.

I think the hardest part of depression -- for me -- is feeling like I'm letting others down.

LOve,
Emily

Quote:

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I think the hardest part of depression -- for me -- is feeling like I'm letting others down.

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I really know what you mean, Emily.

This is nothing like what you are going through Emily, but for about two months this year, I was really depressed. I felt like I was letting my hub down becausse I wasn't contributing to our home and our lives together. I also felt like I was letting my work down by not contributing my usual creativity.

It's difficult to feel guilty. Just keep in mind that you have an illness - a real illness - that is keeping you from being the Emily that you really are inside. She's trying to find her way. Maybe this will help alleviate some of those feelings of letting others down.

Emily...see you do have a reason for feeling so bad! And you may need to stay in again tomorrow to allow the antibiotics time to fully work...be kind to yourself!

Smiles and hugs!