Emyjay,

You are not alone...we're all here for you...I think it's wonderful that you are able to find/feel God in your surroundings and that you find comfort there...God doesn't just live in Church...sometimes I think too many of us believe that and leave him there as we close the door...LOL...I'd much rather see you draw comfort and strength from prayer and nature than experience guilt and fear in a structured Church service...be kind to yourself...you are loved...you are cherished...take care...
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Jane Carroll