Bonnie, to further answer your question, I was told when I was 25 that I had a story to write and a mission to fulfill. It toom me until I was 45 to write it, using notes and journals and bits of poetry I'd kept through the years. So, it took me 20 years to write it. Once I started to write, like Dianne, the phrases and flashes and sentences and memories just came to me, as if by divine guidance. Then, it took me 3 years from starting to actually write to complete publishing. One of the things that held me back in the 3 years was the constant self-doubt of "should I really tell this story of abuse? For what purpose?" If I'd written a romance novel, I might not have delayed. I love to edit. Hannelore, in a recent post you said you've read your manuscript more than a couple of times. It doesn't sound like you are sick of it. Keep on keeping on.

Bonnie, I lost count of my rewrites. I put it away when I could no longer see it and went back to it over and over again. I think the time away from your MS lets it "cook" and you're refreshed with new ideas when you return.

Bonnie, if you want me to read your manuscript I'd be happy to do it. I will always be honest.

I wish Bonnie would return to see the answers to her questions and the many ways we are trying to support her.

Dear Princess L....
Together, sis and my life story would be too long. Somewhere I gleaned: people today are so busy that books around 200 pages are the most marketable. One book is a combination of my adoptive mom and my life. Thanks for the suggestion. Martina McBride sings it best: "God is great, but sometimes life ain't good!"
Ciao for now,
bonnierose

Dear bws...
I surely do appreciate the support. My husband and I have been in Kissimmee, Florida--at Tropical Palms RV Park, across from Old Town--and then on to Memphis to visit family. I just returned, today. I love your answers and suggestions. I've been working on these stories since 1998. But during the first few, self-publishing projects, I was unaware I had PTSD. I have constant flashbacks. I was sexually abused twice as a child, at age 7 and again age 12; I've been through a divorce and found my biological mom and 10 siblings, after 48 years. They lived within miles all that time. Most recently, I watched my best friend drugged and abused and had to put my dog down. None of that recent stuff helps nerves strung tighter than a stringed instrument. But I'm fine. And I'll keep on keeping on. Love ya!!!
bonnie rose

Hi BR, I'm glad to see you are back on this thread, but not so glad to hear all that you have been through. You have 10 TEN siblings? How emotional that must have been to see that they were under your nose all the while. I am well aware that CSA leads to PTSD. You can/will learn to manage the symptoms of PTSD even if there is no cure. Lots of love and light will help! PL

Dear Queen of Shoes and Princess Lenora,
Both of you gals offered to read my manuscripts. And I'm very grateful for your kindness. Hopefully, expressiveness within this current rewrite will be clear enough for reader consumption.
I'm working on my sister's story now. It's only about 1/3 complete. Let me work on completing this manuscript and I'll gratefully share it with you ladies and anyone else willing to take their time to look it over. I prefer to receive frank observation prior to publishing.
I appreciate bws, so much!!!
Ciao for now,
bonnierose