I need an infusion of hope. The past couple of days have been so brutal, and my heart is so heavy with anxiety and helplessness. My brother's just encountering one regression after another. He's not able to eat at all now. This morning he fell in the bathroom, and was unconscious for a few moments, coming around just in time to hear the nurses debating about calling a code-blue. He drained over 12 litres of fluids from his stomach in less than 24 hours, and the last half-litre of was red...we don't know if it's a good thing that his catheter fell out just about the same time that they discovered the red.

It's so hard to watch him grapple with all of this. He's still alert, with a good sense of humour, but clearly scared from passing out, the blood and the inability to eat. They've put him on oxygen and a feeding tube, but have had to postpone the chemo for a day or two (the longer it's postponed, the more chance the cancer has to grow back).

Sigh. I know you're all praying, sending warm thoughts and all, and it means the world to me. I just don't know what to do with myself these days, I'm so disheartened and scared. I want to be a beacon of hope and light for my brother, but I myself am suffocating from the helplessness and fear. I can't seem to find my equilibrium. So I thought I'd come here and rest awhile and find some solid ground and hope to carry me through another day of this. I know I'm not alone.