Last year I met a man who had moved to our county. George is a great person and married to a lovely woman...both of whom have become our friends. Now George is dying in another Virginia city far from here. Before Christmas he was diagnosed with cancer and had radiation which cause a whole 'nother set of problems. They said he was well and sent him home. After Christmas he found three lumps on his chest. Now he's been given a few, couple, not very many and for damn sure not enough months to live. I talked with his wife this afternoon, they are "holding up". Unfortunately, some of you know what that means. Every week I send them photos of lambs or sheep or the farm along with a long letter. It's what I can do, from a distance, so it's what I do. That and we telephone them a couple of times a month.

And it makes me angry that another good man/person is dying before we've had a chance to get to know each other. Before we figure out what lessons we're here to teach each other. Before we're ready to say good-bye. I know our times are in God's Hands and I do accept that. It's just sometimes I don't want to be this angry and frightened and confused and I can't start crying because then...I.am.afraid.I.will. never.stop.

And it makes me angry that in this country we pretend. We pretend someone is going to get well when we know they are dying. Or we pretend to be friends. Or we pretend we still love each other.

Why don't we know it's a lot harder pretending than it is knowing? Isn't the knowing worth the precious few friends we'll meet along the way? Isn't the knowing worth knowing that some people simply aren't going to like us...no matter how much fanny we kiss or boot we lick. Isn't the knowing worth being real?

His wife and I talked about honesty this afternoon. About how people in this country shy away from honesty. About people who are dying and the loved ones of the people who are dying need honesty in their lives. They need to be able to get their affairs in order. They need the time to get things right. They need the time to say good-bye.

And you know, in a way, George & his wife are the fortunate ones. They have been given this gift of time and beyond that...they are smart enough to recognize this time for what it is, for what they must do, for the preparations they must make.

And it's not easy but it's still a gift. And my life has been blessed so enourmously by their gift of friendship. I'm just selfish. I want more.