Posted by: Dotsie
Fifth wheel? - 05/09/07 10:27 PM
I spoke with a gal today who is single at midlife and wants to connect with other singles because she's tired of feeling like a fifth wheel while hanging out with her married friends.
Do any of you single gals ever feel like fifth wheels when you are with your married friends?
Posted by: katebcca
Re: Fifth wheel? - 05/09/07 11:10 PM
Oh yes, big time. I did. It's a whole new world out there when you get divorced, separate from a partner. Your married friends try but they really like going out with couples. It's hard for the guy in a couple, he usually likes to talk with the other guy while the ladies chat. When it's just two women and the guy it feels awkward.
At a party sometimes the women are threatened by the single girl in the crowd. Married people don't mean to make us feel like a fifth wheel. We just do.
Another problem is married people sometimes feel threatened by us. They think if it can happen to us than maybe it's catchy.
Now, the majority of my friends are single. I started making friends with women that were also newly single and this helped me to find my single self again. It can be tough getting used to singlehood.
Now a days I can be friends with married women, no problem and I don't feel like a fifth wheel in mixed company. A few of my friends are now remarried but we still go out as a group without the men. Sometimes we mix with the guys at parties or dinners out but the guys are usually the ones who are out numbered. They don't seem to mind.
It takes time to adjust to your new status so hanging out with like minded people until you go through the adjustment period is really helpful.
Kate
Posted by: Anno
Re: Fifth wheel? - 05/09/07 11:21 PM
I believe it depends on the couple and the individuals in the couple.
I was single for 10 years, and I spent the majority of my time with a couple. We went out together, hung out at each other's home, and went on at least one vacation a year together. The three of us.
I believe it was the two of them that made that possible. And, I like to think, I am a fun person for them to be hanging around.
Not easy, but definitly possible.
Posted by: Jane_Carroll
Re: Fifth wheel? - 05/10/07 03:09 AM
I think it partly depends on how you feel about being single. If you aren't comfortable without a partner then of course you would be uncomfortable with other couples. I used to feel that way even at family gatherings.
I must be used to it now, it doesn't bother me anymore!
Posted by: Dianne
Re: Fifth wheel? - 05/11/07 01:29 PM
I think any woman who feels threatened by a single gal in the group is just sad.
While single, I liked to be with other single women tho. Much more fun that way.
Posted by: jabber
Single is better than... - 05/12/07 01:12 PM
My friend was single till after she retired. Than she married. When single, she felt like a fifth wheel. Now married, she's completely destroyed. Better off single than wrecked. Better off a fifth wheel, than demolitioned.
Word to the wise: Don't ever get married for the sake of being married.
Posted by: jawjaw
Re: Single is better than... - 05/12/07 01:17 PM
I have been in groups where THE COUPLES felt like I was a fifth wheel, not me. I could tell because they would overcompensate. Once they realized I was perfectly comfortable in the situation, they relaxed as well.
A lot of my friends are married, but I have single friends as well. The activities we do are based on mutual interests and hobbies, so we have this in common from the get-go; therefore, no uneasiness.
The only problem I've had is that the couples themselves seemed to "fight" over who would dominate MY attention instead of leaving me out. Now isn't that weird? It tells me that these couples are/were bored with each other. HA!