Support for the childless

I think it's time I posted the link to my website. I am co-founder (for nearly 4 years now!) of the website
Childless Not By Choice

This is mainly for those who were/are never able to have children for any reason and of any age. The feeling of loss never goes away.

Especially this time of year, if you know of anyone who could not have children, OR if you'd like to learn how to communicate with those close to you who cannot have children or grandchildren, please refer them here or visit us for your own education. This is the ONLY board on the web(that we know of) that is Christian-based.

Also remember that, if you have adult female children who cannot conceive, they are going through a very hard time. Please be gentle with them, not making them feel guilty for not "giving you grandkids". Oh yes, there are MANY parents who do this!

[ December 20, 2005, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: Di ]

Di, this is wonderful. Why don't you send me a little blurb and I'll add it to the next BWS newsletter.

I recall the four years of infertility we endured. there was nothing quite like it. We chose to adopt from Korea. Got a healthy baby in nine months. Then we got our daughter from the same country, another infant. While waiting for her to arrive, I got pregnant. Our youngest two are 10 months apart.

Thanks Dotsie. Actually, I believe I sent you an email. If you cannot find it, let me know, OK??

Please resend. It doesn't sound familiar.

Just resent it to dots@nabbw.com

[ December 22, 2005, 01:04 PM: Message edited by: Di ]

Di, thanks for speaking up and educating everyone about this important subject.

Sometimes it never occurs to some folks how painful it is for a woman who cannot have children. You are doing such a kind service for those women and I'm sure it's really appreciated.

(((HUGS))) of Thanks, ladybug and Dotsie,

Yes, we have almost 800 registered members. No, not all are active, but I really don't know how many are lurking daily!

It was such a needed area that was just never considered anywhere. For years, I'd searched (the web) for any semblance of support and found nil. Then, the Lord sent me my co-founder through another Christian site! Hence, our site was "birthed", if you will, through email she and I began. She and I have never met but just feel it should be very soon.

Thanks to all, once again for allowing me to open up here. Our "ilk" is not always well accepted or tolerated. Many consider us complainers and often tell us to "get over it" but WE know that is not easy. Each situation is oh so different from the next. Whether it's cancer, genetic issues, choices by spouses who may have had children from a previous marriage and want no more, medical causes, or just "unexplained". Each part of the journey varies and we all get those "gotcha" moments when we THINK we are ok, but get those gut wrenchings that remind us that we are not.
(ie: the announcement of a pg'cy that was not anticipated etc)

[ December 22, 2005, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: Di ]

I just joined---and am still devouring all the stories. I think I may have found just the place to help me get past this last hurdle in accepting the fact that I will never have children.

Hi Kay,

Yeah, I saw you registered with us! So, tell me...how would you define your "last hurdle" in acceptance of being CNBC? Maybe you could share it with us at our site as well.

Personally, I to not think I will ever "get over" it. To me, it's just way too natural and normal for a woman to desire/nurture/want babies. And, the different stages of life bring on new "gotcha moments".

[ December 23, 2005, 05:22 PM: Message edited by: Di ]

Di, do people really tell you to "get over it?" The stupidity and insensitivity of such a comment astounds me!

I would ask them what advice they have on how to "get over" something as serious as this is to you. You'll probably get some really lame "advice." Now thinking on it, maybe it's better not to ask for their "expert" (ha) advice.

Do you ever notice how freely advice is given by someone who has never been in your situation?

Oh yeah...free advice is, well, FREE!! What quality is ANYTHING free?

Yeah, we ALL get the "get over it" thing. Or, "have you thought of adoption?" Well......YEAH!! But would THEY like to PAY for it?? I believe that both husband/wife need to be called (by God) to be adoptive parents.

Then there's the parent who makes the kids feel guilty for not "doing all they can" to conceive.

It's a whole 'nother world, LB. Just for information, browse our site. You'll be educated for sure!!

P.S. And anyone is welcome to comment, even if you are not a CNBC'er. Look for the tea room "Thoughts and Suggestions".

We've had a few come in there and comment.

Di, I thought of you yesterday and all the other CNBCers. I'm sure Christmas is a tough holiday to celebrate without kids, especially if you want them.

I recall some of the insensitive comments people made while we were trying to get pregnant. I also recall many of the insensitive comments about adoption that I've heard through the years.

I've concluded that it's ignornace. If one never struggles through infertility or celebrates through adoption, they are pretty clueless about the topics. Therefore, they say dumb things just to talk. People need to realize that it's often better to keep their mouths shut. I don't think people are intentionally hurtful. I think they want to say something to make you feel better, but don't know what's appropriate.

Thank you ever so much, Dotsie, for telling me of your thoughfulness.

It was a quiet, as usual, Christmas day. The nice thing was that DH went to church with me. I am a lone church-goer, so he did come to allow me not to feel so alone amidst the "families".

However, I did have a long talk w/his daughter about our lonely Christmases for the entire time of our marriage, so we'll see how it effects future years. I just got a bit tired of DH telling her/him (son) that they "cannot hurt Dad's feelings" by not coming BUT, he voices it to me! Oh, sorry to get of on my step-parenting issues.

Again, thank you SO much. And you are right. People do try to console but do say the wrong things. Like I've said before, time to educate them in HOW to respond correctly!