Shyly coming into the room... I've been gone...

I've been gone for a few years, but I want back in..... so many things have happened and they were difficult but I'm so much better now, and so is my family and just everything. I can't wait to get back involved. Thank you Dots for not just leaving me by the wayside!!

I'm off to Arizona for the weekend but I'll be back and check in on Sunday, if not before.

DreamrKate

Nice to meet you, DreammrKate. I have been onboard for about a year now and I love it. Look forward to seeing you around the forum.

Welcome back Kate! I've been here about a year as well; you have lots of new friends to meet.

Kathy

Welcome back. Don't fry your brains in AZ. It's starting to get very warm there.

Welcome back to the fold Kate...nice to meet you, looking forward to getting to know you about the boards

Popea

Nice to see you here again!

Kate, I'm so glad you're back! I can't wait to hear your voice and get all caught up with your job and your hubby, etc. See you soon.

A hearty welcome back to you Kate. I hope all yor news is good news.

Hi Kate...nice to meet you!

Hi Kate,
We haven't met yet, I joined a few months ago and love it here. Off to Arizona for the weekend... I love traveling. I'm off to New Zealand at the end of next week and I'm sooooooo excited

Glad to meet you, Dreamer.
Laurel

Hey, what's a few years? A moment in time. Welcome back Dreamer!
Hannelore

chatty, you remember dreamer, don't you?

Hello Dreamer, it's nice to have you back.

Hello Dreamer!

I'm relatively new and am so thankful that I found this site. I've had a challenging past few months and these ladies gave me the support I needed.

Sorry to hear you have had some recent challenges and am glad to hear that your circumstances are much improved!

Blessings,
Emily in Maryland

DreamrKate

What a joy it was to come to the forums and see you here once again! You have been missed. I have thought about you often and sent good thoughts your way. Welcome home hun. This is such good news!

OH MY GOD........I just wrote a whole BOOK to catch everyone up on my "jazz" the last few years......and I evidently took too long so it canceled it..........I'll try again tomorrow or.... I'll type it out and then save it before I put it in here. Dang it, I just don't have it in my to do it again right now.

Kate

Kate, if that ever happens again, hit the back key and cut and paste it into a new post. It's happened to me too. Sorry, I know you must be frustrated. I hope it won't keep you away!

Oh my, been there, done that...It is frustrating!

Sheesh......I tried Dots, and it was already clear, but that's okay. Maybe I was too long winded...you know me... I'm all about the detail... probably to a fault. I'll try it again. Probably most people dont' know me anyway, but for those of you who do I'll try to keep it to a nutshell. SOOO, when I was last here..... husband was at the last days of a substance abuse problem, we were almost ready to lose our house, life was pretty chaotic to say the least.... So pray, pray, pray... and then pray, pray, pray some more and then wait....So before having our house auctioned off, a close friend offered to buy it, THANK GOD!!!, we came out of it and were able to pay all our bills, do some car maintenance, help our kids, buy some things we'd been doing without and stash a little for when we're able to buy a house again. I don't know when that will be because we don't have a gob of money left. But the last few years have provided a healing time for our family. My husband was having pain pills/etc. issues and I won't go into all those gory details unless someone wants specific information because they happen to be going through the same thing, but it will suffice to say that it was a scary time here for a while. My daughter (our daughter) couldn't stand the up and down and moved out, right after we moved in to our rental house. My oldest son was of the opinion that when someone in your family needs help/love/whatever, you don't tell them that they're screwing everything up and make them leave, you nurture them back. I was caught in the middle of those two opinion. My daughter was angry and on some level thought I was just insane to tolerate it so she left. Not far, about a half a mile away in her own apartment. Scan forward...husband, through prayers of his own, and I'm sure all of our prayer as well, and some new medication, has no pain pill or opiate problem whatsoever now and is back to his new and improved self, is active in our church, and actively sought his children's forgiveness and repaired all those things that were broken. Now they're back to thinking that even though he's a little dorky (what Dad isn't?) that he's the best thing ever.

And through this I learned many things about myself. I learned that I went through a depression of sorts but didn't see it until I was on the other side of it. I think for 6 months after we moved into this house, I came home from work and laid on my bed. I'd get up to make dinner and went back to the bed. I think I functioned on the bare minimum. I was devastated that we were going through this, that my children might think I was either stupid, or insane, or at the worst, incapable of making an intelligent life choice. I just couldn't do it. So I had to let God just 'do it.' Which, I'm sure, I'm positive, was the best thing that could have happened. I just gave up.

About a year after moving in here, I finally hung pictures, signed up for a couple of art classes, then took some ceramics courses.... and I'm back to my regular self.

What I learned is this: when the "spouse" part of me was just about dried up and ready to blow away, the "friend" part of me had to kick in, which I had to explain to my daughter. ... when as a wife I may not be able to get over the trust issue, the wasted money issue, the wasted time thing, and just the disgust of having someone 'not do right', well that's when the "friend" part kicks in. I could never leave a friend in such sad shape. And that's what happened. I had to help him until I knew that I wasn't supposed to anymore. I would never, never leave one of my girlfriends in a miserable heap, so I couldn't do it to the man I loved either. No matter what. And I learned that I have to wait for God because if he taught me MY lessons, surely it was His place to teach them to my husband too, not my place. So I had to wait. And LOOKY HERE!!! It worked!

So, I don't want to press my luck with this thing, it's already locked up once. So ta ta for now.

Kate

Welcome Back Kate! You aren't the only one who took a necessary sabbatical from the Forum - I was away for over a year but have "dipped my toe" back in. Happy that you are doing the same. Sounds like you have been through a LOT, but it also sounds like you've made it to the other side of the problems and have found a good place to "be".

I am in awe of all the things that you learn about yourself when going through trials. It's sort of like when you don't know exactly what you want, (or where you're headed, or what you want to do) sometimes it's easier to identify what you don't want and then figure out what you DO want by process of elimination. At least that's what I've told my kids for years. At least when you see what you don't want, you narrow the options down to a manageable state and it gets you going in the right direction!

So, what I've learned about myself has been invaluable, and being at this age, in my early 50s, I feel like I've been waiting my whole life to finally get here, at a point where I can fairly objectively assess myself, my life and fine tune those things that I want to spend time on.

THANK GOD.... I've gotten to a point where I'm comfortable.

Kate

Hi DreamrKate, I welcomed you back in another post, but wanted to add how good it is to see you back, and to hear that your life seems to be working in a better direction. I've been worried about you, and thought about you several times, hoping everything was all right.

Hi MErrY!!! It's so nice to see you! Yes, things are just so so.....so what I thought they were supposed to be actually. I was just hangin' on waiting for it. As soon as I figured or realized that it wasn't MY, MY, MY responsibility to 'teach' other people their lessons, the burden was off and I was able to concentrate on what "I'M" supposed to be doing with MY OWN life; what's MY calling?; what's MY gift?

And so in that vein, I've fallen in love with ceramics and clay all over again, after a 23 year absence.... so I bought myself a potting wheel last year and a used kiln this year and I'm in love with getting my hands in a lump of clay and rocking out in my back yard, in the sun, up to my elbows in clay. Or I'm painting, I love painting, or drawing, I'm just so involved in creating stuff, I'm in love with it.

And so, how about you? How's tricks?

Kate

Kate, you sound so much lighter. You are doing what so mnay other obomers are doing at midlife...redefining ourselves and it's awesome to hear the passion in your voice. haved you read The Artist's Way?

Hello all,
I am brand new here. How amazing to see you all seem to KNOW each other!
What an amazing community! Glad to be joining you all.
Jenny
And by the way, I LIVE in AZ. And yes, it's HOT and getting HOTTER!
Jenny

You are on your trip now, I guess.. I am sooooo jealous! But wishing you a WONDERFUL TIME!!!! Just wondering if The Lord of Rings by Tolkien had anything to do with your trip??? Have you seen where the hobbits live, etc???

You may never see this note, so I´ll have to try again when you get back home to AUSTRALIA!!!!!

Lot of love!!!

Jenny, welcome the best best neighborhood on the Web. I hope you'll jump in hte other forums and tell us a little more about yourself. I want to know why the herbs?

Hi HOT Jenny....Glad you jumped in to join us! So what do you do when it's so hot? Stay inside, or can you do things in the early morning hours when it's cooler?

Kate,
We all so glad you are here and that you've rediscovered what makes you feel alive and passionate, once again. Good for you!

Jenny, welcome! Glad you've chosen us as your new home on the net. You're going to love it here. Tell us more!

I'm loving where I am right now, I must admit. So Jenny, I was in Sedona last weekend......OMG, I just don't know that I've ever seen anything more beautiful. Of course most of my pictures have a street sign or a power line through them, but those rock formations, absolutely incredible... I could almost feel giant Indians standing at attention in some of the formations. I was in awe.....and welcome, welcome, welcome, this is a great place! Really!

Kate

Welcome Jenny!

Kate, your creativity is blossoming because you cleared out the debris. I've been on similar paths. Many long stories.

I have a painter friend who moved to Sedona ~15 years ago when she retired from teaching, so she could paint full-time. She has a studio and occasionally does gallery shows. I visited 3 years ago, when I was tooling through Arizona. Really special place.

Jennyherbs. Welcome aboard. Enjoy your time and jump in anywhere and everywhere.

Kate. I am so happy that you are finding yourself again. Rediscovering a life long passion - how lucky you are!

Hello there Jenny from lil' 'ole Ireland Jenny...you will have a ball here and I look farward to getting to know you about the boards.

Popea

Hi Kate! My Name is Gerri and I'm brand new here in the forum. Literally, just this minute joined. After discovering the BWS website and this forum, I knew it was for me. I can really relate to your situation. My husband is an alcoholic. His past mistakes have taken a tremendous toll on our marriage, children and finances. We recently went through a brief separation. We are back together again, but as I knew in my gut he would, fell off the wagon. I know that he tries as hard as he is capable of doing, but without the help he really needs, he is not going to be able to do it on his own. I can really identify with the "spouse-friend" part.
I was so exhausted of being a spouse, the resentment, the anger, I couldn't do it anymore. But being who I am, the friend part feels like I can't abandon him. Maybe that is not a good thing, but for now, it's a decision I have made and will live with. This all going on at a time in my life when I am "searching for myself", trying to find out what I want to do at this stage of my life. I've always had this desire to try writing, and will be starting some online classes next week. I am reading, researching, praying and soul searching. My past, my current situation, life changes, my kids, certainly give me a lot of material to work with. Please pray that I can make wise decisions and find success. I am happy to read that you are working through your situation and that your husband is doing well!
God Bless!
Gerri

Welcome Jenny and Gerrbeck!! WOW, so many new members. This place is spreading just like a wild fire, only this wild fire is a good thing...
Jenny I'm in Vegas and yes, it is so hot here too. My sandals got so hot while I was walking yesterday, I could feel the heat on the bottoms of my feet. Oh well, like I tell my friends, it is the desert.

Hi Gerri... i know it takes a lot to be 'a friend' and it's not for everybody. I just know that you have to do what you feel in your gut. I had to do what I felt like God would have "ME" do, not other people would suggest, because, of course, they're not me. And my husband was never abusive, never unkind or anything like that but he was unreliable, irresponsible with his time, his money, and his health, so in a way, there was probably some mental abuse, but the brunt of it hit him because ultimately he was the one who had to fix it. And the only way that can happen is when you turn away from whatever 'that thing' is. And I don't know if you're familiar with Al Anon or not but it's a pretty good program... it helps you not lose yourself in the mess of things and helps you keep one foot on the ground. Ultimately he is responsible for repairing whatever damage there is or has been done but that doesn't mean you just have to sit there and wait for the next shoe to drop.

I'm very active and do a lot of things.... work at a newspaper, take classes a couple of times a week, paint, work with clay and have four almost totally grown children so it was pretty easy to detract my focus from my husband when things were crappy.

This is a totally random thing but when my husband was at his worst, our daughter's best friend gave him a puppy. We loved German Shephards and Christie's dog had a litter and she was selling them. HER father had some drinking and other issues and when he had gotten a dog it helped him take the focus off of himself and he learned to care for something. Anyway, she had my daughter pick out a puppy to bring to her dad......my husband LOVES that dog, loves her! We all do, but it helped him. Sometimes when they can't talk to us, either the dog OR the husband, they can talk to each other and it makes it easier.

That was just a little fyi. Good to have you here. It's a nice place and the people are great!

Kate

Hey Kate! Thanks so much for the understanding and supportive words. It is always great to have others out there that have walked in your shoes.
Gerri

I know what you mean. There were times that I felt so isolated because surely nobody else was going through a similar thing. At least not anyone I knew. it's hard to live through a situation and try to keep your head above water all the time. It's exhausting.

K

One of the reasons I launched BWS was so that women would not feel alone with their stories. WOohoo, we're living our mission.

Gerri, you said:

I am reading, researching, praying and soul searching. My past, my current situation, life changes, my kids, certainly give me a lot of material to work with. Please pray that I can make wise decisions and find success.

I was in a valley after Mom's death and had the empty nest staring me in the face when I did exactly what you are doing. BWS and www.anabbw.com are the result of ontentionally soul searching with God. You WILL be blessed. Keep searching.

Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened!
Luke 11:9-11

Welcome to both of you! My first husband was and still is an alcoholic so I understand the pain. Have you tried AlAnon?

Arizona...my old stomping grounds. I was pretty much raised in Prescott and Phoenix. My three oldest kids still live in AZ.

Hi Dotsie! Yes, you are definitely accomplishing your mission. As I read through the forum, it's easy to see that, in spite our many different walks of life, we all have so much in common. It's great to have a place to go when you need to pour your heart out without being judged. Many of us are trying to balance so many responsibilities, often in the midst of difficult circumstances. Sometimes, we just need to vent, or we need to hear from someone else, "Hey, hang in there babe, you're gonna make it." I think women definitely understand that about each other.

Hello gerrbeck. I am sure that you will find many interesting topics to explore. Looking forward to learning more online.

Wow! Hello Jenny and Gerri...welcome...ya'll sneaked in on me. I know you'll love it here!

gerrbeck, yup, boomer women are certainly multi-taskers. We're holding lots of balls in the air.

Okay... I'm dredging up this line of conversation again.... and I'm pretty sure I won't drift away again. I've got a little more time on my hands now since I left my job.

So.. the redefining... I don't know that I'm necessarily re-defining, but I'm letting things in my life change their position of importance maybe. There's definately a shift. When I was younger I knew I needed to work for many reasons. I needed to be the bread winner... and I still do, but when I was younger I was probably less confident in myself and thus, felt like I could only do what was defined FOR me, and then I let it define me. Now that I'm way older, I'm trying to let things that I'm passionate about define me, and guide me into areas that I know that I've loved, but was too afraid to put much weight on it. I didn't think those things could carry me. Now... I just want to try - because if I don't try, I will always wonder.

I mean, really, why CAN'T I be sustained, mentally, physically, and emotionally, and on some level spiritually, by doing the things I love? Certainly my God would love that for me, right?

That's my story, and I'm stickin to it.

Kate

Redefining Kate...
think what you liked doing age 8..
was it creative...in an eight years old way.
I believe we return to what our passion was.Of course its easy when the art materials are there in the household.Were there paints etc at home or school.
I use the word
Reconstructing where you say redefining. Just because it was used at a class I took.
Then we can add on...choose what we want to bring into our lives.
what do you think.?
Mountain ash

DreamrKate! Believe it or not, I was thinking about you last night. Going through my private messages and still had a few from you from way back when.

Glad you are returned and standing at a good crossroads in life.

Well, hmmm, I don't know about 'reconstructing' for ME... and I guess I don't even know that much about redefining... I guess I'm just taking the same stuff I had and shuffling it.

Yes! I had paints when I was growing up. But not because anyone else did anything creative in my immediate household. I do remember this older couple that lived in the apartments we did, gave me this 100 color watercolor set for Christmas one year. I don't remember having another Christmas like that one. It was the year I was nine years old and I got the cardboard, fold-out Barbie doll house... I think it was the first year that Mattel ever made one, and my mom had worked her fingers to the bone sewing a complete wardrobe of Barbie clothes that were tiny and perfect.... and except for my alcoholic step-father, my life was near perfect. I could paint, play with my Barbie's, or play canasta with some other old neighbors in the building.

Mr. and Mrs. Postell, I think they were in their 60s then... they loved me. They thought I was irrevrant. Ha. They had NO idea that that might come to be my calling card of sorts.

So, yes, after all of that little bit of rambling ...I completely agree with you, I believe we go back to what gifts were intrinsically given to us. I don't usually even like to muddy it up by going to classes to define it for me.... somewhere along the line I've gotten a very heavy "go with your gut" message... I think from God... and I'm only stepping out in more faith now.

So what do YOU think?

Kate

Miss Merry~

Yep, life has evened out now. Some of my worst fears came upon me, and whaddya know, I survived, and learned and am the better for it. I've even learned not to be afraid of some of the scary stuff life throws at you because once you ride through some of those things, you come out with more confidence, even when you've gotten a complete ass whippin.

So... off with the structured job and on with the complete fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants mode of life. I've been working on my potting wheel for a while now, I'm glazing like mad, and plan on doing some local shows, and putting my things up on Etsy to sell. I'm trying to keep the basic pots fairly inexpensive and then do some more intricate fine art pieces that may fetch a bit more.

Kept the husband, who turned out to be a winning horse, not one I was going to have to shoot after all. LOVED my job at The Bee, but left when they started to downsize and I was offered a severance and a crack at the free money of unemployment. So now, I've just arranged to swap time worked in the classroom (at my junior college, ceramics studio) for kiln space and access to stains and glazes and the crack at creating my own glaze recipes. I just talked to my art professor this morning and he must be like other teachers... when a student loves what you're teaching, glom onto them!) I start next week. I cannot wait.

I want to make a living doing this.... like a for real living, wages, plus health and life insurance...that's what I want, so now I have to see if I can do it. So if you have tips, or things to sidestep....TELL ME!

And tell me what's been going on with you!

Kate
www.dreamrkate.com

Those tiny clothes...been there done that.Still have on leg of a pair of tiny trousers in my sewing box..as pattern.also dolls bedding..made in the evening.

One uncle made me a blackboard..and my cousins had ironing board and airing rack (child size.)

Doing this when his daughter my younger cousin was in bed he was disturbed when she got up.Next morning fishing to see what she had seen..she answered that Daddy is making wood shavings when I am in bed.
I like home made gifts..and crafts.
Follow you dream... enjoy

Hi Kate

Its been my experience as I've gone through a HUGE shift over the last 3 years (and especially the last 1 of that 3) that living our passions is a gift not to ourselves, it is a gift to others and the world at large. I used to think it was selfish and self centered and it was only when I worked hard and did what I was "supposed" to do that I was "good". Now my belief has shifted and feel we all came here with unique gifts...who are we to NOT live them in honor of The Creator, the gift giver.

Geez, if one of my kids was as ungrateful as I have been for the gifts I was given, there would have been he** to pay. Giggle!

A couple if weeks ago I was doing The Passion Test with the women's group from church. Things weren't going particularly smooth and I was thinking "oh gee, what do I do next". I had been trying to explain to them how living your passions wasn't selfish (because many thought it was).

Suddenly one of the women was on a roll with going through and identifying her top passions. The energy in the room went up, and up, and up and her face was glowing with joy...and she blurted out "I guess I am 66 and want to have some adventures!".

One of the other women turned and said "you lit up the entire room and raised the energy for all of us." There couldn't have been a more perfect way to help these precious beings eliminate one of the more insistent tapes women tend to run. WOW...it was a high like none other.

So live those passions, knowing you are so amazing!

I join all of you in doing what we're passionate about. I believe we were all created with gifts to use for ourselves and the good of others. When we tap into those gifts through our God, lives are changed, including ours.

Onward with passion...

So Kate, when did you quit the Bee? And considering all you went through with your husband, I'm a little bit surprised -- but happy! -- he got his act together.

Sorry it's taken me a few days to reply. I've been on a tight schedule and will have more time to write next week. But you know I make my living as an artist so I'm good with the practical aspect of fairs etc. The main advice is:
1. research your market. Where to sell, what's being sold, what it costs etc.
2. figure out your time -- in production, sales, EVERYTHING. Are you getting paid for your labor?
3. also figure out your comfort level as to art vs. commerce. If you'll hate yourself the next morning for doing a lot of production pieces -- then don't.
4. part of selling is getting there, as in SET-UP. My display weighs 500 lbs. Ceramics weigh more and are harder to pack. Are you physically up for the shows? Do you have help? If not, it may be better to go the gallery route.

Just some stuff to think about. Ask if you think of more.

Working this weekend (as per always) so see ya Monday!

Hi Mer~ We found out that the house we are living in just sold so I am now in the process of looking for other houses that will accomodate my big family, that also has enough living space, and a place that will accomodate all my art stuff, my potters wheel, and one that will have the necessary electrical stuff to be able to use my kiln. And that won't cost us an arm and a leg. And then I have to think about packing.

That makes me want to go take a nap. *yawn*

Kate

Kate, I'm thinking you should be glad the house sold in this market. How long was it listed? Not much of anything is moving around here.

How big is your family? Animals too?

Wow...talk about overload...your brain must be on it. If I had to do all of that I would curl up in the fetal position and suck my thumb....geeish! Good luck gal!

My brain is definately on overload! We rented it right after we sold the other house that almost lost. We waited over two years for my husbands disability to come in so by the time we sold our house, we had to use the money to pay all of the bills that had accumulated. We rented the house so we could get our bearings (well. . . that and live).

The young woman who owns our house ... well that's a whole long story, but she needed to sell it but it went for only $140,000 and she owes almost $300,000. If I would have known that it was going to sell for that little, I would have attempted to buy it.
Well, I'm just going to go sit in my little frustration place...

Kate

A house for 140,000 in California? Kate, were you prepared that she was listing her house, or were you "blind sided?" I hope the sale has a loooong escrow. Good luck

PL, prices of housing in California are coming way down, along with the rest of the country. My mountain community had nothing under $250,000 last year, but this year there are several in the mid-$100,000 range.

Same with areas like the high desert (Victorville, Palmdale). But it would be scary to buy now, because with all the foreclosures you just don't know if your house will be in the middle of a ghost town with run-down yards within a few months.

Kate, I agree - let's hope for a long escrow so you have time to plan and find another place.

Well we knew it was up for sale, BUT, she had it listed for $135,000 to start or encourage a bidding war to get anywhere near what she owes, which is closer to $300,000. It's a whole long, rather odd story... let's see if I can put it in the tiny version.... she's young, from Russia, came here, married some guy who became a prison guard (nice guy though) and when the economy turned, she, who was working mortgage deals, and being a demonstrator at grocery stores on the weekend, the FOUR houses that she bought with "little or no money down" .... well I don't know what happened exactly but I think she lost two and was getting ready to lose this one and the one that she's living in. Whew... what a run on sentence. And so... because her husband's hours got cut, she was stressed "and couldn't be nice to him" ... so they're getting a divorce, or at least that was the thing a couple of weeks ago. Last week when she called to tell me that our house sold, she said they might try counseling.

Kate

Nope, no long escrow. 30-45 days. Ugh.

Kate

Wow, that was the quickest story, with almost all the details in it that you'd need. I did tell her though that maybe God didn't want her to think she was amassing all her life's wealth all by herself... maybe she needed to be in a place of humility, to realize that we all need help from God. And maybe she needs to focus on her husband and her baby more, THEN start getting back in the real estate game.

Kate

And a sad one, too...I sincerely hope the marriage can heal and they can work things out. It sounds as if she was trying to follow some program, one of those "buy real estate and you'll be a millionaire over night" type schemes. I think whenever you play in those fields, you have to be prepared for losses as well as gains.

Sounds as if she wasn't prepared.

Here's hoping YOU can find something that meets your needs, even if it is only temporary.

Yayyyyyyyy, that's what I'm hopin for TOO!! Thanks Queenie!