I agree with what all you smart gals said to Starting-Over. Even when you are able to recognize the destructive patterns in a relationship it does not suddenly become an easy thing to deal with. If only it were! But you sound like you have your head screwed on straight now and I am proud of you.

I got a little zinger of my own today...went to pick up my son from a sleepover at the house of a "friend" who I had not heard from for almost 6 months...we had time for a little chat, and I found out that she and her husband had been separated until a couple of weeks ago. She also told me that she had gone out with my husband. She said it was to ask his advice about her own marital situation. Yeah, right. Apparently the ex is not the only person who thinks I am stupid...she knew exactly why we were getting divorced, so asking him for advice is kind of like talking to a flaming sadist about his opinion on being kind to small children and animals.

It hit me like a ton of bricks, and somehow I was able to finish the visit and leave with my pride outwardly intact, but within about 10 minutes on the road it got the better of me and I broke down and cried in front of my children.

I raise my initial question once again: What ever happened to personal integrity?