Thanks for your responses. It's really hard for me not to blurt out what I know about him when I see him. I've never been a good liar, or been able to hide my feelings (unless someone stood to get hurt), or behave in a devious manner. I used to think that that was a good thing, but now I'm thinking that I've been living in la-la land and need to shed my pollyanna ways.

I rehearse about a gazillion scenes of dialogue in my head every day, imagining myself saying cool, unemotional things to him that really knock him for a loop and take him completely by surprise. But I know that I probably couldn't pull it off in real life, because I'd get emotional and cry, or be too angry to come off as cool and uncaring. I'm afraid that if I zing him before the divorce negotiations are final by telling him what I know, he will get really angry out of embarassment and go on the attack like Daisy said.

I did agree to take the kids while he is away. My children have been my life for the past 17 years and I dedicated myself to raising them. Now that they are getting older they do have social lives of their own, and since we have only one car now and three drivers I wind up playing chauffeur a lot of the time. I don't see them as much as I'd like. Pre-divorce I would have taken this in stride but lately this often leaves me feeling somewhat abandoned and resentful, but I quickly remind myself that my job as a mom has always been to raise good, moral, sensitive, independent young men who are able to support themselves and give back to society. Not mama's boys. It's just that now that they are with me only 50% of the time I suddenly feel needy, and I miss them terribly.

On the weeks that they are staying with their father I turn the heat down low, unplug every unnecessary light and appliance, and scrimp and save to conserve funds (I never know from one day to the next where money will come from since he is conveniently unemployed and refusing to pay any kind of support) But I think that being clingy and demanding of my sons would be one of the biggest mistakes I could make right now, so I put a smile on my face and try not to show them how terribly this all hurts.

Dotsie - the kids do prefer to be at home with me, but the older one feels bad for his dad even though he is very angry with him, and he has become obsessed with being fair. To him this means making sure he does not behave in a way that expresses favor toward one parent or the other. He is still very angry with both of us for derailing his life and trying to keep control of his emotions. He has a much harder time adjusting to the weekly change in houses than my younger one does, who is much more people savvy than his older brother and realized from the git go that his father is not an honest or nice man and is trying to make up for years of neglect by buying his love and promising him material things.

I am glad that some of you have found good men. That gives me hope for the male gender, especially as the mother of two boys.

After reading your replies I'm going to try to keep my mouth shut and wait until I am in a better position financially and emotionally before I let the cat out of the bag and tell the jerk what I found out about his deceitful behavior and secret plans. I just hope I can do it...Wish me luck on my tests Friday...