Diane -

You've asked a really good question: how IS he paying for things? A few months ago I found out that he has an investment account that he managed to keep hidden from me (boy, do I feel dumb, but it is not in my nature to be suspicious), and whatever joint investments we have made over the years were not registered in my name, even though i distinctly recall having signed the ownership documents. Some of these have been uncovered, and my understanding is that he is not allowed to use them until the court decides how much of it is rightfully mine since we have been together for 20 years. Predictably, he is contesting it altogether, and my lawyer is pretty sure that he has found a way to siphon them and has been doing so for quite some time. The trick now is what to do in the meantime for money until the litigation is over, and afterwards in case things do not go my way (which, believe it or not is not impossible, from what other women in my position have told me). I found part-time seasonal work which is a starting place for sure, but the pay is really terrible and won't even cover my heating bills for the month.

SJ -

What I keep hearing over and over again is that in a divorce, most women want to be fair, whereas most men want to win. I guess that pretty much sums it up, doesn't it? I am soooo sorry to hear that you are going through this as well. I'm with you, though, I don't understand how a man can sidestep his children and lose his personal integrity in the name of the almighty buck! It would seem to me that he would want to do the honorable things and make sure that we are provided for, considering he was the one who filed for divorce and I was the faithful, supportive wife to the bitter end. I guess there is no longer a social stigma attached to a father who won't even support his own kids. We already know that very few people put a value on raising children and providing general support to the family unit. That does not speak well of our society, does it?

In any event, please feel free to sound off any time. Female support is the number one thing holding me together these days, and I am happy to be there for you.

I'm learning that it is critical to separate your hurt feelings from this whole thing and treat it like a business venture. The trick is to remain centered and concentrate on getting justice because our entire financial future depends on it. Success will be the best revenge.

May we both find it!