Thanks so much for your responses. i guess that up until now I have not been an in-your-face-confrontational kind of person, except when it came to being an advocate for my children's health. I'm a peacemaker by nature, not a rabble rouser. I guess that's why this is so difficult. It's not that I am afraid to stand up for myself at this point, it's just that it takes a really heavy emotional toll on me. I'm sure this is true for most everyone though, that's why divorce is so high up on the stress list.

My husband has had the foresight to quit his job and put his assets and what I thought was our joint investments in his parents and his business partner's names, so that on paper it looks like they do not belong to him. Also, since Colorado is not a community property state, he is fighting not to split things equitably with me, claiming that since I did not bring in an income for the past 17 years I am not entitled to a 50/50 split. My understanding (after talking to 3+ attorneys) is that while he almost certainly won't get away with giving me nothing at all, he may actually be able to get away with the very minimum, maybe $200 a month in child support and nothing in spousal support unless he becomes gainfully employed soon. My attorney is trying to build a case that he is very capable of finding work, and has engineered this whole thing on purpose in order to get out of paying anything. Unfortunately the local county judge has a reputation for not being sympathetic to the plight of middle-aged women in this predicament...and the outcome of this may be very disappointing.

Funny thing here is that I am excited about going out on my own and certainly do not want to prolong my financial dependence on the ex. But it is obscene that after taking care of him for 20 years he wouldn't be required to help give me a fighting chance and help me get on my feet. I hate to say it, but I think that the women's liberation movement did us more harm than good. At least before we were guaranteed custody of our children and some kind of alimony. Now we are equally subject to losing our children, and in many cases given only 2-3 years to get up to full earning potential after a couple of decades of service and dedication to the family. Something is wrong with this picture.