I haven't been able to pinpoint the sadness I feel at Christmas time. One of the things that puts a damper on all holidays or special events, (ie, Birthdays or anniversaries) comes from my Mom. She always says "It's just another day." My husband says that my parents don't like to give gifts and when they do they expect you to just be thrilled and thankful because they were so gracious. I agree with him. We went to Hawaii with friends 2 Christmas's ago. I would like to be out of town again this year, but DH wants to go to his parents. They are 85 and 90 so he wants to spend time with them while he can. I love them both and get along with them so it isn't a problem being there. Except the BEDS are not good. I sleep on the couch (OUCH) and he sleeps in the twin bed that sags in the middle. Three nights and I have to go home I hurt so much.
Well, I know it shouldn't matter what my mom says or thinks and I shouldn't feel guilty not wanting to spend time with them. I know that I can and am free to do whatever I want to do. I think what I want is for the past to still be here when it was fun and the whole family was together. But, alas my foster brother is gone, my favorite aunt is gone, feels like my mom is half gone. We are trying to set new traditions of our own and haven't come up with anything yet that works every year. Hope springs eternal and I pray that God will show us what to do.
Thanks for listening.