Quote:

This post reminds me of expectations. This is something we discuss quite often at prayer group. We often talk about lowering our expectations of others, but during the Christmas season, we need to lower our expectations of our selves.



Dotsie, the phrase "unrealistic expectations" has come up in almost every round of therapy I've gone through over the past 20+ years. And I'm sad to admit that I'm still a slave to unrealistic expectations, despite much hard work to overcome that obsessiveness with meeting everyone's expectations. I'm better at saying "no" and setting parameters (and that came by way of several years of debilitating chronic fatigue). But I still fall into the trap at Christmas time, moreso now with hubby's side of the family than my own, though. It's like Chatty observed, it doesn't matter how much we do for them, it's rarely ever good enough - everything from food to gifts to schedules - you name it, they're unhappy with whatever we do or serve or give. That makes it very wearying and disheartening, and steals much of the joy out of my Christmas - which makes me miss my Mom so much more because Christmases at home growing up were exceptionally happy and full of celebration.

Nowadays, the biggest part of our Christmas actually happens after the 25th. My other brother and two nieces (now 17 & 14) have been coming to Mom's and now to our place for their "2nd Christmas" ever since before the 17-year-old was born. They arrive on the 26th and leave on the 30th, and for the most part, it's a wonderful week. It's fun, we play lots of games and do fun stuff together. And I dread the day when we have to stop that particular tradition, but the flip side of the fun is that it IS a lot of work. And I don't really mind the work, but I just don't have the physical stamina anymore to weather all that energy output without serious repercussions. And it's knowing that I come out the other side of Christmas overwhelmingly exhausted (it takes me weeks to recover) that makes this side of Christmas so stressful. No matter how much I do to prepare ahead of time, it still ends up costing me what little energy reserves I've managed to build up.

This year, because of my brother's cancer, we've already had to cancel some family gatherings. My 14-year-old niece has been particularly affected by that, especially given that her parents have been slogging through bitter divorce proceedings all year too and only just signed the papers last week. I just couldn't change that 2nd Christmas tradition on her this year. We've already warned them that we'll be going away next year, so that gives them plenty of time to adjust. But they really need to be here this year, not just for tradition sake, but because family is more important than ever this year.

I have to get myself through it just one more year, albeit somewhat debilitated by fatigue, because I know how crucial it is for her and my brother and all of us to be together this year.


Edited by Eagle Heart (11/28/06 08:23 PM)
_________________________
When you don't like a thing, change it.
If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.

(Maya Angelou)