Lynnie, your thoughts, care and wisdom are always welcome beacons of light. Thank you.

Klm13, I hear you and know exactly what you're saying. I want to be able to fully embrace the spirit of the season, but keep hitting that brick wall of sadness. When Dad died, Christmas-as-we-knew-it died too. Mom died two years later and since then, Christmas just gets harder and harder to get through. Part of it is that it has become a week-long blur of endless cooking and cleaning now, with very little time to actually sit and enjoy the family I'm cooking for and cleaning after. They do try to help, but sometimes their "help" requires even more cleaning-up-after!!!

Part of it is that the gathering has completely changed - over the past few years, I've had to trade in almost all of my family's traditions for hubby's family's preferences. They didn't even celebrate Christmas before I married my husband - now they want everything their way. And that just ends up rubbing salt in the wound, because if I could maintain some of the traditions that I've enjoyed since early childhood, maybe that would lessen the agony of absence just a little.

But I'm determined to persevere. Since I have very little of my own family traditions left to cling to, I cling to my faith and find comfort in the "reason for the season". Nobody can take that away, can they!

Anyway, I think/hope it will help us get ourselves through, knowing that others are traveling this same rocky road with us. I always find it comforting to know I'm not stumbling alone in the dark. Maybe our support for one another will shed enough light into that dreaded blur that we will actually find enough light to get us safely - and joyfully? - through to January 2nd!

I should add that this year is especially difficult because my brother's still in the middle of his chemo treatments and is very weak. We won't be able to have all of the family over for supper on the 25th because my brother just won't be able to handle it all. I'm more than okay with that, I'll actually enjoy the small intimate (and very peaceful) Christmas day and dinner for a change. But I'm stressed out because of the repercussions that will have on hubby's family (not being invited for Christmas dinner this year). We'll do a 2nd Christmas for them at New Year's, but I don't think it will be enough to placate them.