Howdy sisters,

Most of you seem to have married quite young. I guess I never met anyone I wanted to marry before age 30 though I did have plenty of boyfriends over the years. There was one I would have married when I was 24 or so but he didn't want to marry me!

I met my husband when I was 28 and even then I was happy enough plodding along until he pushed for marriage. I met him when I was working in UK and I guess the fact that he was Irish and eventually wanted to go back just like I did, was some of the attraction! Also, I was pretty mad and unfocused and he was (still is) singleminded, serious and knows what he wants! He said he knew he wanted to marry me from the time we met (Mad man!).

Eventually at 34, I gave in. We returned to Ireland and it was great being back in the insanity of my family! My Dad was so proud to walk me, his only daughter, up the aisle and I am sure glad he got the opportunity. He was diagnosed with cancer and died shortly after.

I have been married 4 years now and although I love my hubby, what a struggle that has been! I thought at one point that I wanted a divorce and we were only married 2 years then!!! Also It is EXTREMELY hard to get a divorce in Ireland, being such a catholic country. Divorce has only been introduced in the last few years!

I had spend the first two years of my marriage literally crying and walking on eggshells.

We were going along fine for years, until we tied the knot and then the s-it hit the fan!! I don't think that I changed but I think that he did.

It was like I became one of his possessions or something and he seemed to be jealous of everything, including my mother, the dog, my friends!! He also expected me to do all the housework even though I have a full time day job and like to write and walk dogs in the evenings! We were always rowing about my alleged terrible housekeeping skills. He kept bringing up that as he earned 4 times as much as me and more, it was purely my duty to do ALL housework, no matter what.

Also, as we have not become pregnant, he blamed me a lot. In the end, we had to go for marriage counselling because we were both ready to either kill each other or walk away!! Thankfully we got through it all after 9 months of counselling (do you spell that word differently over there?) and we have emerged stronger for it. We seem to be making a go of things now, though we do still have our ups and downs!!! The counsellor also pointed out that it doesn't matter if he earned a million more than me or me than him, we should be sharing household duties as intimacy begins in the kitchen!!! Well, it does NOW anyway! :-)

I think marriage has to be worked at and a lot of it has to do with good communication. I would certainly recommend marriage counselling to any couples that are in trouble! If there is anything to be saved, this will help and if there isn't the counsellor can give advice on seperation and divorce etc.

'PĆ³sta' Gaelic for 'Married'

Bye for now

Clairey xx