Hi,

There is no escape from the heartbreak and there is nothing you can do for those you know and love who are experiencing this event in their lives.

When I went through a divorce, I was amazed at my thought process. Suddenly, I was remembering him at very specific times, saying wonderfully, loving things to me - and then I was left to figure out what went wrong. The greatest moment came when I could honestly see the role I played in the deterioration of our marriage, and I do believe that is crucial to future happiness.

What I like to tell people, since that time, is to try and remember one thing you loved about the other person - just one. Was it the way he looked at you? Was it the way he took care of you, or held your hand when you were walking, or the expression on his face when you gave him your first child? For me, I remember how my ex made me laugh - that was it. In my 19 year marriage, I learned to laugh at life, and even laugh at myself. For that I will always be grateful.

When you have found that one thing, throw the rest away. Concentrate only on that one good thing - and you may begin to see your ex as a human being, afterall. I see mine as a man who loved me once, a fallable person who is someone's son, and someone's brother. Someone who wanted happines, and someone I still worry about.

What do you think?

Sue